This just in SNN6 is going to carry the tribute live.
The Sun
Resident's to celebrate Denise Amber Lee's Memory
NORTH PORT -- Not many people knew who the shy Denise Amber Lee was until after she died. But in the days following her Jan. 17, 2008, abduction and murder, she became a household name.
Residents in North Port, Englewood, Charlotte, Punta Gorda and Rotonda rallied to raise money for the family Lee, 21, left behind -- her young sons, Adam and Noah, and grief-stricken husband, Nathan.
Every week for months, residents planned fundraisers and memorials, including benefit runs, car washes, picnics, self-defense classes, silent auctions, yard sales, a tree planting, a jewelry party, a golf tournament and a family fun day in the park in Denise's honor.
On Saturday, a year after Lee's death, the community will come together again to celebrate her life.
"It's going to be more uplifting instead of a sad memorial service," said Dave Garofalo, a family friend and a member of the Denise Amber Lee Foundation created to improve the 911 dispatch system and bring a state-of-the-art 911 call center to North Port.
A North Port city commissioner, Garofalo invited Nathan, his parents, Peggy and Mark, and Denise's father, Rick Goff, to his office at City Hall recently to organize the 11 a.m. ceremony in front of City Hall on Saturday.
Shortly after Lee's death, about 250 residents gathered at the same location to remember Denise. Saturday's service includes some of the same people who were a part of last year's memorial.
Garofalo said it's important to invite politicians because of the foundation's goal of strengthening 911 dispatchers' training.
"When an officer goes to your house for a domestic dispute, you know he's certified," Garofalo said. "When a paramedic is doing CPR on a patient, you know he's certified. You should have the same feeling when you call 911 -- that the dispatcher has had enough training and is certified to handle the call properly. They are a part of the first line of defense. They should have some kind of certifications."
Garofalo said the foundation will continue gently pushing its efforts, despite a poor economy.
"I don't want to see us (the foundation) push to pass a bill that becomes an unfunded mandate that local governments cannot afford," he said. "But that doesn't mean we can't do all we can to make people aware of the flaws in the system."
Nathan says he is grateful for all those who have helped his family.
"Nathan's message is that he cannot bring back his wife, but he can make things better by making people aware of her story," Garofalo said.
Nathan took this week off to help plan for the ceremony and spend time with Adam and Noah.
The Lee and Goff families, as well as the foundation, also will honor Tampa resident Jane Kowalski on Saturday.
Kowalski is the driver who called Charlotte County dispatchers on the night Denise was murdered. She told the 911 operator what she was witnessing in the car behind her, reportedly driven by suspect Michael King. Kowalski said she saw who police believe to be Lee banging on the window and screaming. Lee's body was found two days later off Toledo Blade Boulevard, and King was charged in her death.
Garofalo arranged for Kowalski to be given a key to the city for her dedication and "follow-through" attitude in trying to get deputies to respond to the suspicious activity she reported.
A bagpiper from the city police department will open the ceremony with "Amazing Grace," choir members from South Biscayne Church will sing, and Nathan plans to speak, as well as several others.
"The biggest reason for people to come on Saturday is to see (how) much Denise has made a difference in the community," Nathan said. "They will see how much a negative has been turned into a positive impact throughout our community and our country.
"It will be sad in a way, but it's a celebration about how much has risen from the ashes. Our boys are doing great. We are doing our best to make Denise happy, and we are not going to be miserable our whole lives."
If you go
Speakers for the Denise Amber Lee remembrance at 11 a.m. Saturday in front of North Port City Hall include state Reps. Paige Kreegel and Ken Roberson; the Rev. Dave Baldridge, pastor of Englewood United Methodist Church; Dave Dignam of Key Agency in Englewood; North Port Police Chief Terry Lewis; North Port City Commissioner David Garofalo; and Nathan Lee, Denise's widower.
E-mail: eallen@sun-herald.com
By ELAINE ALLEN-EMRICH
North Port Community News Editor
The Herald
Memorial to honor life of a mother
By John Davis
Published: Friday, January 16, 2009 at 1:00 a.m.Last Modified: Friday, January 16, 2009 at 12:16 a.m.
NORTH PORT - The city that a year ago watched the unfolding tragedy of the abduction and murder of 21-year-old North Port mother Denise Lee will pause Saturday at City Hall to remember her.
Click to enlargeDenise Lee
A memorial ceremony is scheduled for 11 a.m. in front of City Hall, 4970 City Hall Blvd. State and local leaders and Nathan Lee, Denise's husband, are scheduled to speak.
Lee was taken from her home Jan. 17, 2008, touching off a massive, multi-agency search that ultimately failed to save her. Michael King, 37, of North Port, is awaiting trial on kidnapping, rape and murder charges.
The Lee abduction became a symbol for flaws in the 911 system when investigators found later that a witness, Jane Kowalski, reported seeing a passenger struggling in a dark colored Chevrolet Camaro on U.S. 41 that night. Kowalski's information never made it to deputies patrolling nearby after Charlotte County's 911 center mishandled her call. At the time, authorities had a description of King's car, a green Camaro, and were looking for the vehicle.
Nathan Lee has started a nonprofit foundation, the Denise Amber Lee Foundation, with a goal of improving the emergency call system in Florida and across the nation. He lauded Kowalski for her 911 call.
"She has been amazing towards my family," Lee told city leaders this week. "What she did that night is something everybody should do. It doesn't matter who you are."
North Port will award Kowalski a key to the city Saturday in recognition of her attempts to save Denise.
Kowalski's mishandled call has garnered national media attention and led to a state law on voluntary statewide training standards for people who work in emergency communications centers.
But Nathan Lee, who indicated he plans to sue Charlotte County over its response to Kowalski's call, said more improvements are needed.
This story appeared in print on page BN1
Friday, January 16, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Dear Noah and Adam
this was written by on-line friends and can be found here
http://tributetodenise.blogspot.com/2008/01/we-love-you-and-grieve-for-your-loss.html
Dear Noah and Adam, I look to this as comfort and I hope you do to. It comes from the heart and it speaks great truth. I love you, pumpkins. Please read and take heed. Grandma
Dear Adam and Noah:
Although we have never met, we know you and your father and mother because of your Grandma Peggy (she is a wonderful woman!).
Our heart is broken for the loss of your mother, and our prayers are with you, your father, and your grandparents, aunts and uncles.
We are all saddened that you will grow up not knowing your mother personally. There are no words to take away that pain or to make sense of the evil that happened.
But as you grow up we hope you know and are always aware of who she was and how much she loved you. Jesus tells us "there is no greater love than to lay down your life for your friends".
Your mother is a hero of gigantic proportions. She is a saint who showed heroic virtue and who laid down her life for you. She loved you more than life itself. That is almost too much to understand.
Her life and her death shows us all the power of love triumphing over unspeakable evil.
Throughout your lives you and your father will have to struggle to make sense of one person's senseless act that took your mother from you. There are no easy answers.
But the greatest tribute you can make to your mother is to live as she did -- living for others, loving others, caring for others, sacrificing for others. That is the heart of what love is.
That is the love that your mother lived.
And that is the love that we hope you can both find in your own hearts.
God bless you,
Steve and Trish Schloeder
Phoenix Arizona
http://tributetodenise.blogspot.com/2008/01/we-love-you-and-grieve-for-your-loss.html
Dear Noah and Adam, I look to this as comfort and I hope you do to. It comes from the heart and it speaks great truth. I love you, pumpkins. Please read and take heed. Grandma
Dear Adam and Noah:
Although we have never met, we know you and your father and mother because of your Grandma Peggy (she is a wonderful woman!).
Our heart is broken for the loss of your mother, and our prayers are with you, your father, and your grandparents, aunts and uncles.
We are all saddened that you will grow up not knowing your mother personally. There are no words to take away that pain or to make sense of the evil that happened.
But as you grow up we hope you know and are always aware of who she was and how much she loved you. Jesus tells us "there is no greater love than to lay down your life for your friends".
Your mother is a hero of gigantic proportions. She is a saint who showed heroic virtue and who laid down her life for you. She loved you more than life itself. That is almost too much to understand.
Her life and her death shows us all the power of love triumphing over unspeakable evil.
Throughout your lives you and your father will have to struggle to make sense of one person's senseless act that took your mother from you. There are no easy answers.
But the greatest tribute you can make to your mother is to live as she did -- living for others, loving others, caring for others, sacrificing for others. That is the heart of what love is.
That is the love that your mother lived.
And that is the love that we hope you can both find in your own hearts.
God bless you,
Steve and Trish Schloeder
Phoenix Arizona
Dear Denise,
I've been debating whether to post something tonight or not. Supposedly the anniversary is set for Saturday but we all know it was a Thursday night.
Please, just know, how very very much we miss you and love you. Please, just know that we're doing our best to get over the pain.
I don't know what that monster is thinking tonight. Does he even get it? It was just about this time a year ago that I was trying to settle Noah down for bed. We weren't sure where you were. We were still so hoping you were alive. My heart breaks just thinking about it.
But it's important for you to know that I'll never forget you and your bravery. I'll never forget your courage and your fight.
Your selflessness.
I'll never forget your soft voice and your smiles. Just about every memory I have of you, Denise, is of you smiling. Unless you were upset with Nate, it seemed as if you were always smiling. And most of the time even when you were upset with Nate you were still smiling!
I miss you, baby. Very Very much.
The babies are good. Noah is having a few issues but it could just be we're becoming more serious with the potty training! I know he misses you and thinks of you. I think the potty training reminds him of you.
Anyhow, sweetheart, I love you.
You were the best daughter-in-law ever. Or, at least, you aspired to be.
You were really quiet. You didn't know it, but we were going to work on that.
j/k
With love,
Mom
added edit: oh, sweetie! This is important. The other day, your picture popped up on the computer screen while I was showing someone an on-line tribute to you. Adam, who had been playing with his truck immediately jumped up and said very loudly "Mommy! Mommy!"
So, sweetheart, even Adam is remembering! I can't tell you, how that thrilled me. I didn't know! Nathan is doing (we all are) all we can to keep your memory alive, Denise! You were and still are that special.
Pretty soon, I'm gonna get back to the 9-1-1 issues. But right now, I want to remember you. I love you.
Please, just know, how very very much we miss you and love you. Please, just know that we're doing our best to get over the pain.
I don't know what that monster is thinking tonight. Does he even get it? It was just about this time a year ago that I was trying to settle Noah down for bed. We weren't sure where you were. We were still so hoping you were alive. My heart breaks just thinking about it.
But it's important for you to know that I'll never forget you and your bravery. I'll never forget your courage and your fight.
Your selflessness.
I'll never forget your soft voice and your smiles. Just about every memory I have of you, Denise, is of you smiling. Unless you were upset with Nate, it seemed as if you were always smiling. And most of the time even when you were upset with Nate you were still smiling!
I miss you, baby. Very Very much.
The babies are good. Noah is having a few issues but it could just be we're becoming more serious with the potty training! I know he misses you and thinks of you. I think the potty training reminds him of you.
Anyhow, sweetheart, I love you.
You were the best daughter-in-law ever. Or, at least, you aspired to be.
You were really quiet. You didn't know it, but we were going to work on that.
j/k
With love,
Mom
added edit: oh, sweetie! This is important. The other day, your picture popped up on the computer screen while I was showing someone an on-line tribute to you. Adam, who had been playing with his truck immediately jumped up and said very loudly "Mommy! Mommy!"
So, sweetheart, even Adam is remembering! I can't tell you, how that thrilled me. I didn't know! Nathan is doing (we all are) all we can to keep your memory alive, Denise! You were and still are that special.
Pretty soon, I'm gonna get back to the 9-1-1 issues. But right now, I want to remember you. I love you.
OUCH! Man was I p!ssed. I still am.
Looking back on some things that I wrote early on after we lost Denise, I came across this. I was pretty upset. And this was before I read the Internal Affairs report!!! Imagine why I'm upset now. In John Davenport's letter he was correct in saying that the CCSO as a whole has respected and cared for our family. Most of them searched beside Nathan and Rick. They have been wonderful. But he has been an asshole the entire time. He has been arrogant, manipulative, disdainful, and deceptive. You'd think reading the letter that he raised the money in the community. Oddly! I didn't see him at one event. And he held back crucial, vital information from us. This many months later he still makes my skin crawl. I wish I could sue him personally. Him and Bill Cameron for the additional pain and suffering he has caused Nate and my family.
I wrote this in May 2008 when the pain was even rawer than it is now.
"Four month mark
I'm feeling better. Why?
3 things
Saw psychologist last week (2 hour emotionally draining session)
Decided to write this
I've had some rest from work and babies
probably combination of all three.
I've been really concentrating on myself the past 3-4 days. Sunday (Mother's Day) was very bad. I was extremely depressed and missing the boys and my family. I couldn't stop feeling sorry for myself. Brian was up in Tampa without a car. Nathan went to church with his grandmother, then to lunch with the Goffs, visited Denise's gravesite and then went to North Carolina with Noah to see the Lowery's. I saw him for about 2 minutes. Noah didn't even get out of the car. I don't think it was an intentional slight. I don't Nathan even realized how much I was hurting. I really try not to let him know. Maybe that's wrong. I don't know. But doesn't he have enough on his plate without worrying about mom? Sigh. I'm crying again just thinking about it. So, Mark and I stayed at home and I cooked dinner the way I do every night.
We've been struggling financially and really don't have the money to go out. Mark offered and felt helpless but there wasn't much he could do. It was a sh!tty day no matter what.
Wednesday night was Nathan's 24th birthday and we tried to celebrate that. Nathan didn't really want to, and I couldn't blame him but Mark's mother has out-of-town guests visiting and it was the only real opportunity they would get to see Nate and theboys before he went to NC. So, we invited them out for hamburgers and hotdogs. Very simple fair. We also invited Steve (Mark's brother) and his wife, Deborah, their kids, James and Marivee who just had Isabel 4 weeks ago. What a beautiful baby. Anyhow, I was a mess! I was fine all day but when they got to our house I just couldn't force a smile. I just couldn't. I was tearry eyed and just had no interest in any of it (other than the baby, of course). Everyone was marvelous. They tried so hard and I just didn't want anything to do with any of them. How rotten is that? I love these people. They've been wonderfully supportive and generous. And, I just couldn't rise up to the occasion.
Nathan was on the phone the entire time. Sheriff Davenport (who I liken the the Sheriff of Nottingham) had written a letter to the editor that was quite upsetting.
http://www.sun-herald.com/Newsstory.cfm?pubdate=050708&story=op9.htm&folder=NewsArchive2
05/07/08
Davenport defends sheriff's office
Editor:
I would like to respond to a recent letter to the editor where a citizen stated that the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office has been insensitive to the Lee and Goff families. This is the second time I have heard comments as to how insensitive the members of the Sheriff's Office have been to these families. This same sentiment was indicated on the courthouse steps when Nathan Lee and his attorney announced their intent to sue the sheriff's office, and I take great exception to these comments.
From the beginning of this terrible tragedy members of the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office went out of their way to help the Goff and Lee families. Not only did they volunteer their time to search for Denise Lee, but they kept the family informed daily as the investigation progressed and offered any assistance they could to help both families.
To show you just how "insensitive" the sheriff's office has been, the day before Nathan Lee made the comment on the courthouse steps, Mr. Lee was given a check by the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office in the amount of $104,000 that the sheriff's office had collected from the community and from its own members to help this family.
I understand that both the Lee and Goff families are grieving over their terrible loss, but to try and portray the members of the sheriff's office as callous and insensitive to anyone in this situation, particularly one of our own,is a slap in the face of every man and woman of the sheriff's office that have given their time and money to try and help both families.
John Davenport
Port Charlotte
What an asshole! Of course, he didn't know it was Nate's first birthday without Denise, but even so. What an asshole! While he's playing politics, we're suffering. He's been an ass from the beginning.
This is how much I've changed. In the beginning, I felt very sorry for the sheriff's office. I even sent them a thank you note to alleviate some of the pain they might be suffering because of their screw ups. But as time has wore on, I can't stand this guy. He seems to enjoy twisting the knife. I want so bad to write a letter to the editor myself.
It would say:
To: Sheriff Davenport (I couldn't bring myself to write "Dear")
Do you enjoy twisting the knife into our grief and causing more pain and suffering? Are your politics so important to you that you feel you're not being insensitive? While you're playing politics my family is fighting for survival. As to your 911 dispatchers, we're not blaming them totally for the incompetence displayed. We're blaming all the people involved in that call. Including you. There were procedurals breakdowns. It wasn't just human error. It wasn't just simply not dispatching a car. There was no follow-up. Why didn't the supervisors follow-up on that call to find out what had happened. Most people would've asked 15 minutes after the call (having assumed a car was dispatched) "what happened? Did they find her? Did they see the car?" and someone would've replied "oops! I didn't think I could send a car" and the supervisor should've replied "oh, god! Send a car right a way!"
But, no, the ball was dropped. And then your department didn't even let the North Port police department know about it.
Way back in the beginning of all this, I actually pitied your office. I felt sad for your dispatchers. So, I wrote a thank you note hoping to help alleviate any guilt on their parts. I still pity your office. I feel pity for people that have to work for you. And I blame you. I blame you for not owning up to a tragic mistake and not wanting to fix it. I blame you for continuing writing about this to the newspapers and twisting the knife. Nathan went out of his way to commend your officers in the field that day during his press conference.
You're an asshole.
Peggy Lee
Of course, I'd never send it. Of course, I have to keep my dignity at all times."
OUCH!!!!!
added edit: I found this written on the same day
Dignity
How important is dignity? My mom tried to instill in us always to maintain our dignity.
I now understand what she was talking about. Someone made this comment to me the other day "why don't you just get mad?" "why don't you scream?" "you're always trying to act like a lady!" "why?"
I thought about that for a couple of days. And you know why? Because if I lose my dignity, I'll lose control myself. That frightens me. I'm afraid of losing control of myself. I'm afraid of what will come out of my mouth. I have so much ugliness inside me right now and so many ugly angry thoughts, I'm very afraid. So, I do let loose at home when I'm alone. I do cry and I do scream. But, in public, no. I might hurt someone. Either verbally or even gasp physically, I might hurt someone. I might hurt one of these well meaning, very caring stupid people who say stupid things. And I don't want to cause any more hurt. damn. There's enough pain in my life.
And I want so bad to write that letter to the editor about Davenport. But, no, I won't. I'm afraid of what will happen. I could make things worse for Nathan. And I never never never ever want to do that. His heart's broken enough.
I wrote this in May 2008 when the pain was even rawer than it is now.
"Four month mark
I'm feeling better. Why?
3 things
Saw psychologist last week (2 hour emotionally draining session)
Decided to write this
I've had some rest from work and babies
probably combination of all three.
I've been really concentrating on myself the past 3-4 days. Sunday (Mother's Day) was very bad. I was extremely depressed and missing the boys and my family. I couldn't stop feeling sorry for myself. Brian was up in Tampa without a car. Nathan went to church with his grandmother, then to lunch with the Goffs, visited Denise's gravesite and then went to North Carolina with Noah to see the Lowery's. I saw him for about 2 minutes. Noah didn't even get out of the car. I don't think it was an intentional slight. I don't Nathan even realized how much I was hurting. I really try not to let him know. Maybe that's wrong. I don't know. But doesn't he have enough on his plate without worrying about mom? Sigh. I'm crying again just thinking about it. So, Mark and I stayed at home and I cooked dinner the way I do every night.
We've been struggling financially and really don't have the money to go out. Mark offered and felt helpless but there wasn't much he could do. It was a sh!tty day no matter what.
Wednesday night was Nathan's 24th birthday and we tried to celebrate that. Nathan didn't really want to, and I couldn't blame him but Mark's mother has out-of-town guests visiting and it was the only real opportunity they would get to see Nate and theboys before he went to NC. So, we invited them out for hamburgers and hotdogs. Very simple fair. We also invited Steve (Mark's brother) and his wife, Deborah, their kids, James and Marivee who just had Isabel 4 weeks ago. What a beautiful baby. Anyhow, I was a mess! I was fine all day but when they got to our house I just couldn't force a smile. I just couldn't. I was tearry eyed and just had no interest in any of it (other than the baby, of course). Everyone was marvelous. They tried so hard and I just didn't want anything to do with any of them. How rotten is that? I love these people. They've been wonderfully supportive and generous. And, I just couldn't rise up to the occasion.
Nathan was on the phone the entire time. Sheriff Davenport (who I liken the the Sheriff of Nottingham) had written a letter to the editor that was quite upsetting.
http://www.sun-herald.com/Newsstory.cfm?pubdate=050708&story=op9.htm&folder=NewsArchive2
05/07/08
Davenport defends sheriff's office
Editor:
I would like to respond to a recent letter to the editor where a citizen stated that the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office has been insensitive to the Lee and Goff families. This is the second time I have heard comments as to how insensitive the members of the Sheriff's Office have been to these families. This same sentiment was indicated on the courthouse steps when Nathan Lee and his attorney announced their intent to sue the sheriff's office, and I take great exception to these comments.
From the beginning of this terrible tragedy members of the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office went out of their way to help the Goff and Lee families. Not only did they volunteer their time to search for Denise Lee, but they kept the family informed daily as the investigation progressed and offered any assistance they could to help both families.
To show you just how "insensitive" the sheriff's office has been, the day before Nathan Lee made the comment on the courthouse steps, Mr. Lee was given a check by the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office in the amount of $104,000 that the sheriff's office had collected from the community and from its own members to help this family.
I understand that both the Lee and Goff families are grieving over their terrible loss, but to try and portray the members of the sheriff's office as callous and insensitive to anyone in this situation, particularly one of our own,is a slap in the face of every man and woman of the sheriff's office that have given their time and money to try and help both families.
John Davenport
Port Charlotte
What an asshole! Of course, he didn't know it was Nate's first birthday without Denise, but even so. What an asshole! While he's playing politics, we're suffering. He's been an ass from the beginning.
This is how much I've changed. In the beginning, I felt very sorry for the sheriff's office. I even sent them a thank you note to alleviate some of the pain they might be suffering because of their screw ups. But as time has wore on, I can't stand this guy. He seems to enjoy twisting the knife. I want so bad to write a letter to the editor myself.
It would say:
To: Sheriff Davenport (I couldn't bring myself to write "Dear")
Do you enjoy twisting the knife into our grief and causing more pain and suffering? Are your politics so important to you that you feel you're not being insensitive? While you're playing politics my family is fighting for survival. As to your 911 dispatchers, we're not blaming them totally for the incompetence displayed. We're blaming all the people involved in that call. Including you. There were procedurals breakdowns. It wasn't just human error. It wasn't just simply not dispatching a car. There was no follow-up. Why didn't the supervisors follow-up on that call to find out what had happened. Most people would've asked 15 minutes after the call (having assumed a car was dispatched) "what happened? Did they find her? Did they see the car?" and someone would've replied "oops! I didn't think I could send a car" and the supervisor should've replied "oh, god! Send a car right a way!"
But, no, the ball was dropped. And then your department didn't even let the North Port police department know about it.
Way back in the beginning of all this, I actually pitied your office. I felt sad for your dispatchers. So, I wrote a thank you note hoping to help alleviate any guilt on their parts. I still pity your office. I feel pity for people that have to work for you. And I blame you. I blame you for not owning up to a tragic mistake and not wanting to fix it. I blame you for continuing writing about this to the newspapers and twisting the knife. Nathan went out of his way to commend your officers in the field that day during his press conference.
You're an asshole.
Peggy Lee
Of course, I'd never send it. Of course, I have to keep my dignity at all times."
OUCH!!!!!
added edit: I found this written on the same day
Dignity
How important is dignity? My mom tried to instill in us always to maintain our dignity.
I now understand what she was talking about. Someone made this comment to me the other day "why don't you just get mad?" "why don't you scream?" "you're always trying to act like a lady!" "why?"
I thought about that for a couple of days. And you know why? Because if I lose my dignity, I'll lose control myself. That frightens me. I'm afraid of losing control of myself. I'm afraid of what will come out of my mouth. I have so much ugliness inside me right now and so many ugly angry thoughts, I'm very afraid. So, I do let loose at home when I'm alone. I do cry and I do scream. But, in public, no. I might hurt someone. Either verbally or even gasp physically, I might hurt someone. I might hurt one of these well meaning, very caring stupid people who say stupid things. And I don't want to cause any more hurt. damn. There's enough pain in my life.
And I want so bad to write that letter to the editor about Davenport. But, no, I won't. I'm afraid of what will happen. I could make things worse for Nathan. And I never never never ever want to do that. His heart's broken enough.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
A Tribute to Denise Amber Lee from my piano family
I started visiting on line forums back in 2002. Mark and I were seeking a divorce and I was home living with my parents in Maryland. I had a lot of serious mental health issues back then. I had been on anti-depressants for 18 years. I started on them, oddly enough, not for depression but for headaches. I was experiencing chronic headaches. We tried everything to find out the cause. We monitored my diet, the weather, stress, noise levels and many other things to figure out where they were coming from. One doctor even suggested that they started after I contracted Giarrdhea (sp?) while hiking in Montana's Glacier National Park. Mark and I had been hiking and camping. We were, oh, I can't remember exactly but probably at around 12,000 feet elevation. When we spotted the coolest looking stream. It was beautiful! And I was so tired of boiling water! And I thought "gee, just a little sip!!!!" Well... that little sip led to major problems while driving through Idaho. Oh my gosh, the pain. Poor Mark. We thought I was going to die. Mark thought I had appendicitis and we were in the middle of nowhere. He nursed me through the worst. We didn't have health insurance but we saw a doctor in Moscow, Idaho. What a nice town and what a very nice doctor. This was way back in 1981 so things were different then. Most people didn't have cell phones. I don't even think they were out yet. Anyhow, beceause we didn't have insurance, the doctor was kind enough to see me and never charged us. He wanted to hospitalize me but that wasn't going to happen. Anyhow, we were laid up in this little motel room for several days. At least a week. Mark would go down to get breakfast and loved it. He would listen to the ranchers and farmers talk about what ranchers and farmers talk about. "I'm going to plant (whatever they plant) over in the south pasture and put the (whatever they raise) over in the north pasture etc......." When we checked out of the motel room our finances were fairly exhausted and we were worried about how we were going to get back home. The lady at the desk only charged us for one night. We were like "oh, you've made a mistake! We've been here...." She cut us off with "one night. You didn't mean to get sick and so we're only going to charge you the one night." Well, how cool was that?
Gosh, how I got onto that story I have no idea. This post is suppose to talk about on-line therapy. So back to that. I was a pretty messed up cookie when I left Mark and the boys to go home to my parents. I had been on every anti-depressant on the planet, it seemed. All because a neurologist many moons ago prescribe amitryptiline for headaches I was having. After so many years on that (and I loved it, it used to make me sleep like a baby even if I did hallucinate every once in a while) medication, I think it did actually start causing me to be depressed. So, they put me on this, and took me off that, and put me on this and all the while they wouldn't (the doctors I mean) touch the amitryptiline. I was on it for 18 years. It practically killed me. And I mean that literally. But that's another post for another time.
I was so messed up on medications, that I was no longer myself. And was doing very out of character things. I won't mention them all because they would definitely embarrass my family. But I'll give you a prime example of how "out of character" I was acting. I left (drove away!) on Brian's fourteenth birthday. Now, anyone who knows me, knows! I might leave for whatever reasons but I would never do it on Brian's birthday. Gosh, that's just cruel. I'm crying thinking about it. Brian, God bless him, laughs it off when I get upset over it.
So, there I am at my parents in Maryland. Trying to recover and get off every medicine they every put me on. And, no, I wasn't seeing a doctor. And, yes, I took myself off everything. I wouldn't suggest this to most people. Actually, I would never suggest it. But in early 2002, it saved my life. I went off everything cold turkey.
That's when I started visiting on-line forums. I started with the old Compuserve forum. I was "LibertarianAtBest" because at the time I had very Libertarian political views. I still do. What therapy! Being able to say whatever you want and never having to worry what other people say or think! Always being able to win an argument by simply walking away! I loved it. Also, you learn so much about other people and other views.
Then I started working for a piano company I had worked for a decade earlier. And I started visiting http://www.pianoworld.com/ Now there was an interesting place. I started visiting while I was still working as a piano salesperson. It's a place where people go to discuss pianos. Because I was a salesperson it was difficult to get involved at first. We were called names like "sales weasels" and were continually compared to "used car salesman". There was a joke that went "What's the difference between a piano sales person and a lawyer?" the answer being "the lawyer knows he's lying to you". That joke has probably been used in other professions as well but I took it rather personally because I tried damned hard to be honest with my customer. I had worked for Apple Computer years earlier and was trained to be a professional sales person. And a good salesperson has the best of ethics and think of their customers first.
Anyhow, back to the therapy. On PianoWorld they had a "Coffee Room". I liked this place much better because it didn't matter to these people if I was a piano sales weasel or not. In the "Coffee Room" we discussed everything from religion, politics, health problems, recipes, family problems, losses, joys, ups, downs and anything we wanted to. I joined the forum in June 2003. And started posting in the "Coffee Room" not long after. I was immediately insulted because I openly admitted my son was gay and some man (who oddly now I consider a dear friend) called me a terrible mother. Well, he used stronger language than that. But I believe eventually my arguments with him won him over and others too, to a more compassionate feeling for people different than themselves.
The forum included architects, laundrymat owners, authors, lawyers, doctors, pianists (of course), students, housewives, school teachers, people like me who don't know what they do anymore, etc....
Sadly, during the Presidential election in 2004 things got very ugly politically. I just literally got goosebumps thinking how bad we were. Oh it was ugly. How ugly was it? It was SO ugly, that Frank, the owner of PianoWorld, shut us down in April of 2005. Poof! There we went up in a puff a smoke. There were even graphics of the smoke and cloud of dust. Many of us cried. You have to understand many of the members had met in person through piano parties, many exchange Christmas cards and gifts, etc...
One doctor in Israel saved my father's life. For real. My mom and dad had been visiting us in Florida from Maryland (by this time Mark and I reunited in late 2004) when my dad got terribly ill. We rushed him by ambulance to the nearest hospital where they released him, saying there was nothing they could do. I was so distraught and worried when we got home not knowing what to do. My dad was literally shutting down. In panic I posted a thread in the "Coffee Room" calling all doctors and asked their advice as to what to do. One, all the way in Israel, posted immediately and said "Peggy, call 9-1-1 again. Request the ambulance but have the ambulance take your father to a different hospital. But get him to the hospital immediately." This is what I did! And it ended up my dad had pneumonia. They started hydrating him right away. So, this forum, saved my dads life. Incredible. I still can't believe it but it's true.
Check it out here http://www.pianoworld.com/ubb/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?/topic/10/8987.html
Is that cool or what?
Anyhow, this forum was great therapy for me. It saw me through my divorce and helped with reconciling with my husband. I didn't need meds and maybe I didn't need this forum. But, I sure did appreciate this forum. It helped me in so many ways.
When Frank closed the "Coffee Room" down, three new forums cropped up. I won't go into the differences in the forums. They all have their special qualities. Some of the more liberal minded went to one forum, some who are mostly interested in pianos went to another, but there's one special motley crue where I go the most often. Why? I don't know. I landed there and that's where I'm at now. All 3 forums have such wonderful people and I'll explain why.
The night Denise went missing, I was terribly distraught. It was the middle of the night. Mark was sleeping on the sofa because I had Noah (then 2) in bed with me. Mark's mother was prostrate with worry in the guest bedroom. Anyhow, in just the way I sent the SOS to the old coffee room about my dad 3 years before, I sent an SOS to the "New Coffee Room" about Denise.
See thread here: http://s10.zetaboards.com/The_New_Coffee_Room/topic/371108/1/
oh gosh, I best stop typing. I'm becoming overwhelmed just remembering how everyone from all 3 forums came together and supported me and my family.
I still post in the New Coffee Room fairly regularly. http://www.coffee-room.com/ but most of my posts now are filled with grief and sadness. Again, the forum has become a sort of emotional therapy.
Different people post on forums for different reasons. I always liked the forums because it just opens you up to the whole world. A world full of different personalities and backgrounds all with varying opinions and outlooks. It's really wonderful.
And now, this blog, has been a therapy to me. The internet is truly phenomenal. Thank you, Al Gore (just kidding). But especially thank you to my on line friends. I love you dearly. I have felt every prayer and good thought you all have sent.
This is in my favorites http://tributetodenise.blogspot.com/2008/01/we-love-you-and-grieve-for-your-loss.html
Much peace and love to all.
Gosh, how I got onto that story I have no idea. This post is suppose to talk about on-line therapy. So back to that. I was a pretty messed up cookie when I left Mark and the boys to go home to my parents. I had been on every anti-depressant on the planet, it seemed. All because a neurologist many moons ago prescribe amitryptiline for headaches I was having. After so many years on that (and I loved it, it used to make me sleep like a baby even if I did hallucinate every once in a while) medication, I think it did actually start causing me to be depressed. So, they put me on this, and took me off that, and put me on this and all the while they wouldn't (the doctors I mean) touch the amitryptiline. I was on it for 18 years. It practically killed me. And I mean that literally. But that's another post for another time.
I was so messed up on medications, that I was no longer myself. And was doing very out of character things. I won't mention them all because they would definitely embarrass my family. But I'll give you a prime example of how "out of character" I was acting. I left (drove away!) on Brian's fourteenth birthday. Now, anyone who knows me, knows! I might leave for whatever reasons but I would never do it on Brian's birthday. Gosh, that's just cruel. I'm crying thinking about it. Brian, God bless him, laughs it off when I get upset over it.
So, there I am at my parents in Maryland. Trying to recover and get off every medicine they every put me on. And, no, I wasn't seeing a doctor. And, yes, I took myself off everything. I wouldn't suggest this to most people. Actually, I would never suggest it. But in early 2002, it saved my life. I went off everything cold turkey.
That's when I started visiting on-line forums. I started with the old Compuserve forum. I was "LibertarianAtBest" because at the time I had very Libertarian political views. I still do. What therapy! Being able to say whatever you want and never having to worry what other people say or think! Always being able to win an argument by simply walking away! I loved it. Also, you learn so much about other people and other views.
Then I started working for a piano company I had worked for a decade earlier. And I started visiting http://www.pianoworld.com/ Now there was an interesting place. I started visiting while I was still working as a piano salesperson. It's a place where people go to discuss pianos. Because I was a salesperson it was difficult to get involved at first. We were called names like "sales weasels" and were continually compared to "used car salesman". There was a joke that went "What's the difference between a piano sales person and a lawyer?" the answer being "the lawyer knows he's lying to you". That joke has probably been used in other professions as well but I took it rather personally because I tried damned hard to be honest with my customer. I had worked for Apple Computer years earlier and was trained to be a professional sales person. And a good salesperson has the best of ethics and think of their customers first.
Anyhow, back to the therapy. On PianoWorld they had a "Coffee Room". I liked this place much better because it didn't matter to these people if I was a piano sales weasel or not. In the "Coffee Room" we discussed everything from religion, politics, health problems, recipes, family problems, losses, joys, ups, downs and anything we wanted to. I joined the forum in June 2003. And started posting in the "Coffee Room" not long after. I was immediately insulted because I openly admitted my son was gay and some man (who oddly now I consider a dear friend) called me a terrible mother. Well, he used stronger language than that. But I believe eventually my arguments with him won him over and others too, to a more compassionate feeling for people different than themselves.
The forum included architects, laundrymat owners, authors, lawyers, doctors, pianists (of course), students, housewives, school teachers, people like me who don't know what they do anymore, etc....
Sadly, during the Presidential election in 2004 things got very ugly politically. I just literally got goosebumps thinking how bad we were. Oh it was ugly. How ugly was it? It was SO ugly, that Frank, the owner of PianoWorld, shut us down in April of 2005. Poof! There we went up in a puff a smoke. There were even graphics of the smoke and cloud of dust. Many of us cried. You have to understand many of the members had met in person through piano parties, many exchange Christmas cards and gifts, etc...
One doctor in Israel saved my father's life. For real. My mom and dad had been visiting us in Florida from Maryland (by this time Mark and I reunited in late 2004) when my dad got terribly ill. We rushed him by ambulance to the nearest hospital where they released him, saying there was nothing they could do. I was so distraught and worried when we got home not knowing what to do. My dad was literally shutting down. In panic I posted a thread in the "Coffee Room" calling all doctors and asked their advice as to what to do. One, all the way in Israel, posted immediately and said "Peggy, call 9-1-1 again. Request the ambulance but have the ambulance take your father to a different hospital. But get him to the hospital immediately." This is what I did! And it ended up my dad had pneumonia. They started hydrating him right away. So, this forum, saved my dads life. Incredible. I still can't believe it but it's true.
Check it out here http://www.pianoworld.com/ubb/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?/topic/10/8987.html
Is that cool or what?
Anyhow, this forum was great therapy for me. It saw me through my divorce and helped with reconciling with my husband. I didn't need meds and maybe I didn't need this forum. But, I sure did appreciate this forum. It helped me in so many ways.
When Frank closed the "Coffee Room" down, three new forums cropped up. I won't go into the differences in the forums. They all have their special qualities. Some of the more liberal minded went to one forum, some who are mostly interested in pianos went to another, but there's one special motley crue where I go the most often. Why? I don't know. I landed there and that's where I'm at now. All 3 forums have such wonderful people and I'll explain why.
The night Denise went missing, I was terribly distraught. It was the middle of the night. Mark was sleeping on the sofa because I had Noah (then 2) in bed with me. Mark's mother was prostrate with worry in the guest bedroom. Anyhow, in just the way I sent the SOS to the old coffee room about my dad 3 years before, I sent an SOS to the "New Coffee Room" about Denise.
See thread here: http://s10.zetaboards.com/The_New_Coffee_Room/topic/371108/1/
oh gosh, I best stop typing. I'm becoming overwhelmed just remembering how everyone from all 3 forums came together and supported me and my family.
I still post in the New Coffee Room fairly regularly. http://www.coffee-room.com/ but most of my posts now are filled with grief and sadness. Again, the forum has become a sort of emotional therapy.
Different people post on forums for different reasons. I always liked the forums because it just opens you up to the whole world. A world full of different personalities and backgrounds all with varying opinions and outlooks. It's really wonderful.
And now, this blog, has been a therapy to me. The internet is truly phenomenal. Thank you, Al Gore (just kidding). But especially thank you to my on line friends. I love you dearly. I have felt every prayer and good thought you all have sent.
This is in my favorites http://tributetodenise.blogspot.com/2008/01/we-love-you-and-grieve-for-your-loss.html
Much peace and love to all.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Denise Amber Lee and other angels
I just erased everything I wrote.
Someone, I won't mention who, just called to remind me that Denise is in a better place. And that I MUST believe in the after-life and God, if! I want to see Denise again. He reminded me of all the other loved ones, I have missed, that I'll see as well.
My grandmom. I really want to see my grandmom and my granddad. I want to feel again the comfort and love they bestowed on me growing up.... I want to see Mark's dad... I want to see Jasen, Jr. I want to hold him.....
I could go on but I won't.
It's such a magnificent thought.
I promise you, my dear friend who just called, that I'll work on it.
Thank you for the reminder.
I miss you, Denise.
Someone, I won't mention who, just called to remind me that Denise is in a better place. And that I MUST believe in the after-life and God, if! I want to see Denise again. He reminded me of all the other loved ones, I have missed, that I'll see as well.
My grandmom. I really want to see my grandmom and my granddad. I want to feel again the comfort and love they bestowed on me growing up.... I want to see Mark's dad... I want to see Jasen, Jr. I want to hold him.....
I could go on but I won't.
It's such a magnificent thought.
I promise you, my dear friend who just called, that I'll work on it.
Thank you for the reminder.
I miss you, Denise.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Jane Kowalski and the Denise Amber Lee Tribute
I posted a few days ago that I was feeling as if I was getting over the "zombie phase". And all in all I am.
Today started out very well. Mark and I went over to North Port City Hall and attended a meeting for the city commissioners. They voted unaminously to give Jane Kowalski the key to the city. Thank you, David Garafolo, for all you've done. And thank you the City of North Port. It was Dave's idea and he wrote a touching letter to the commission expressing why Jane (who is not a native of the city) should get the key. Also, they had Nathan speak. Dave was right, and, yes, I was tearring up. I held back but I did tear up several times.
Here's the a copy of the letter he read to the commission:
On the evening of Jan. 17, 2008 Jane Kowalski did what several other people later told police they wish they did. Upon witnessing suspicious activity in the car behind her as she left North Port and entered Charlotte County, a very calm Jane called 911 to report a man pushing his passenger down in the seat. The passenger was screaming and banging on the window. Jane told the dispatcher the description of the car to the best of her ability. Without fail, the out-of-town resident provided valuable information about each intersection she passed and alerted them about the slow rate of speed she and the man who was later identified as Michael King were driving along U.S. 41. Not once did she raise her voice or become agitated during the nine minutes Jane was on the phone with the 911 center operator. In fact, she parked at the Toys R Us in Murdock for 15 more minutes once King turned onto Toledo Blade just in case a Charlotte County deputy wanted to take her statement in person. Hundreds believe it is because Jane followed King it caused him to feel uncomfortable and it sent him back into North Port where police were searching for his green Camaro. Although the outcome was horrific and surreal, if Jane had not carefully explained everything she saw, the massive man hunt for Denise Amber Lee might have spread into several counties and gone on for far longer than two days. Jane explained she last saw King turn onto Toledo Blade Boulevard heading back toward the interstate. Several hours later that is near where King was arrested and sadly Denise's body was later found. In memory of Denise and with the utmost respect for Jane, I'm requesting that we City Commissioners give a key to the city to Mrs. Kowalski. She should be publicly honored for her heroic actions, time, dedication and efforts to save someone she did not know but understood was in trouble. Jane is a true example of the type of person who cares for people no matter what. She didn't need a purpose or cause, she just instinctively knew she should help in any way she could on January 17 and again on January 18 when she called the North Port Police Department to double check that they received her information from Charlotte County. Her follow through attitude is extremely commendable. If more residents could be like Jane, North Port would be even a better place to live. However, she is a role model. She did her best to help instead of minding her own business and thinking the possible domestic dispute would correct itself. Jane has stayed involved with the foundation even flying to California for a recent taping of the Dr. Phil show. This all because she believes in the foundations goal of strengthening 911 and making us all safer. This small token is a way Jane can be thanked on behalf of the City Commission, the Lee and Goff families as well as the residents of North Port, Englewood and Charlotte County who were touched by this tragedy. Many people look forward to meeting Jane during the memorial celebration of Denise Amber Lee's life on Saturday. The Denise Amber Lee Foundation will be presenting Jane Kowalski with the first ever Denise Amber Lee Award on Saturday, this would be an excellent time for this presentation. Thank you for your consideration.
David Garafolo, Sr.
She'll be presented with the key on Saturday, the anniversary of Denise's abduction and death. The same day and event where we are going to have our Denise Amber Lee tribute. She deserves it too. She stayed calm throughout her 9 minute phone call to the CCSO 9-1-1. You could hear the compassion and concern in her voice. You could also hear the frustration with the 9-1-1 center. But she stayed on the phone and had Michael King behind her for nine minutes. Little did she know Michael King had a gun and her own life was at risk. But not thinking about her self she did what we all know we should do and that's get involved. And we need to care about fellow human beings. We all would like to think we would do the right thing but some of us don't. Obviously. At least, two other witnesses came forward and said they saw Denise's struggle, but they did nothing.
And then of course, Harold Muxlow. But that's for a different post.
Anyhow, when this first happened I used to wear my "Remember Denise, Fix 911" button everywhere. It was a badge that prompted much conversation. Conversation that I use to be eager to be engaged in. I haven't worn the button much lately. I've learned not everyone is as eager to talk about it as I am. But it used to be good therapy for me and I felt it was the least I could do to forward Denise's cause. I don't know. For some reason or another I've stopped wearing it. I think I even got tired of talking about it.
Today when I arrived at city hall, I saw another woman there wearing a Denise button. This woman has worked with us several times and had helped us with Denise's memorial. She's also helping with Saturday's presentation. Since, she was wearing her button I decided to put my on. I always wear my bracelet, but I hadn't worn that button in a long time.
I sat there through that meeting and I was doing quite well. It was very moving.
Later I stopped at the grocery store and debated whether I should take the button off. For some reason I decided to leave it on. It's not a big button. It's about 3" round. Maybe smaller. I'd measure it, but I took it off and I'm not sure where I laid it down. Well, at the grocery store deli department the deli man asked me about the button. He had never heard of Denise. That's surprising. Just about everybody down here knows about Denise, other than maybe snowbirds. But even the snowbirds know about Denise because they are always here in January. It really is the best month IMO weather wise in Florida. So, I had to start telling him about Denise. He was very kind and very understanding and said all the right things. Wow! Not only didn't he know about Denise, he was able to say all the right things! So, this was a somewhat new experience. Then I asked a fatal question. Why I asked it, I don't know. But I asked "Have you lost a loved one to murder?" and sadly his answer was "yes". He went on with his story about his girlfriend's son being murdered up in Tallahassee last year. I just wanted to cry. But he understood. And I understood him. All he later said was "I understand". And I said "I understand and God bless you". And he said "God bless you, too". But then he added "you keep wearing that pin! It means she's with you! I might get my girlfriend a pin. I think she'd be proud to wear a picture of her son." Denise's picture is on the button.
That's our roller coaster. I feel like a zombie again. I feel as if I brightened that man's day. I feel as if I helped him. I believe he's going to get a picture of his girlfriend's son and make a button for her. I believe he knows he helped me. The button brought two strangers together who have experienced tragedy and we were able to share a comfort.
In any case! Thank you, Dave, and the rest of the City of North Port Commissioners. And thank you, deli man, for being such a nice guy. I'm sorry you and your girlfriend are in pain.
I think I'll go hibernate for the afternoon. I'm not going to be much good for anything else.
I'm not sad. I'm happy. Happy for Jane! It's such an honor and she deserves it. I'm just tired. This murder business takes a lot of emotional energy.
Today started out very well. Mark and I went over to North Port City Hall and attended a meeting for the city commissioners. They voted unaminously to give Jane Kowalski the key to the city. Thank you, David Garafolo, for all you've done. And thank you the City of North Port. It was Dave's idea and he wrote a touching letter to the commission expressing why Jane (who is not a native of the city) should get the key. Also, they had Nathan speak. Dave was right, and, yes, I was tearring up. I held back but I did tear up several times.
Here's the a copy of the letter he read to the commission:
On the evening of Jan. 17, 2008 Jane Kowalski did what several other people later told police they wish they did. Upon witnessing suspicious activity in the car behind her as she left North Port and entered Charlotte County, a very calm Jane called 911 to report a man pushing his passenger down in the seat. The passenger was screaming and banging on the window. Jane told the dispatcher the description of the car to the best of her ability. Without fail, the out-of-town resident provided valuable information about each intersection she passed and alerted them about the slow rate of speed she and the man who was later identified as Michael King were driving along U.S. 41. Not once did she raise her voice or become agitated during the nine minutes Jane was on the phone with the 911 center operator. In fact, she parked at the Toys R Us in Murdock for 15 more minutes once King turned onto Toledo Blade just in case a Charlotte County deputy wanted to take her statement in person. Hundreds believe it is because Jane followed King it caused him to feel uncomfortable and it sent him back into North Port where police were searching for his green Camaro. Although the outcome was horrific and surreal, if Jane had not carefully explained everything she saw, the massive man hunt for Denise Amber Lee might have spread into several counties and gone on for far longer than two days. Jane explained she last saw King turn onto Toledo Blade Boulevard heading back toward the interstate. Several hours later that is near where King was arrested and sadly Denise's body was later found. In memory of Denise and with the utmost respect for Jane, I'm requesting that we City Commissioners give a key to the city to Mrs. Kowalski. She should be publicly honored for her heroic actions, time, dedication and efforts to save someone she did not know but understood was in trouble. Jane is a true example of the type of person who cares for people no matter what. She didn't need a purpose or cause, she just instinctively knew she should help in any way she could on January 17 and again on January 18 when she called the North Port Police Department to double check that they received her information from Charlotte County. Her follow through attitude is extremely commendable. If more residents could be like Jane, North Port would be even a better place to live. However, she is a role model. She did her best to help instead of minding her own business and thinking the possible domestic dispute would correct itself. Jane has stayed involved with the foundation even flying to California for a recent taping of the Dr. Phil show. This all because she believes in the foundations goal of strengthening 911 and making us all safer. This small token is a way Jane can be thanked on behalf of the City Commission, the Lee and Goff families as well as the residents of North Port, Englewood and Charlotte County who were touched by this tragedy. Many people look forward to meeting Jane during the memorial celebration of Denise Amber Lee's life on Saturday. The Denise Amber Lee Foundation will be presenting Jane Kowalski with the first ever Denise Amber Lee Award on Saturday, this would be an excellent time for this presentation. Thank you for your consideration.
David Garafolo, Sr.
She'll be presented with the key on Saturday, the anniversary of Denise's abduction and death. The same day and event where we are going to have our Denise Amber Lee tribute. She deserves it too. She stayed calm throughout her 9 minute phone call to the CCSO 9-1-1. You could hear the compassion and concern in her voice. You could also hear the frustration with the 9-1-1 center. But she stayed on the phone and had Michael King behind her for nine minutes. Little did she know Michael King had a gun and her own life was at risk. But not thinking about her self she did what we all know we should do and that's get involved. And we need to care about fellow human beings. We all would like to think we would do the right thing but some of us don't. Obviously. At least, two other witnesses came forward and said they saw Denise's struggle, but they did nothing.
And then of course, Harold Muxlow. But that's for a different post.
Anyhow, when this first happened I used to wear my "Remember Denise, Fix 911" button everywhere. It was a badge that prompted much conversation. Conversation that I use to be eager to be engaged in. I haven't worn the button much lately. I've learned not everyone is as eager to talk about it as I am. But it used to be good therapy for me and I felt it was the least I could do to forward Denise's cause. I don't know. For some reason or another I've stopped wearing it. I think I even got tired of talking about it.
Today when I arrived at city hall, I saw another woman there wearing a Denise button. This woman has worked with us several times and had helped us with Denise's memorial. She's also helping with Saturday's presentation. Since, she was wearing her button I decided to put my on. I always wear my bracelet, but I hadn't worn that button in a long time.
I sat there through that meeting and I was doing quite well. It was very moving.
Later I stopped at the grocery store and debated whether I should take the button off. For some reason I decided to leave it on. It's not a big button. It's about 3" round. Maybe smaller. I'd measure it, but I took it off and I'm not sure where I laid it down. Well, at the grocery store deli department the deli man asked me about the button. He had never heard of Denise. That's surprising. Just about everybody down here knows about Denise, other than maybe snowbirds. But even the snowbirds know about Denise because they are always here in January. It really is the best month IMO weather wise in Florida. So, I had to start telling him about Denise. He was very kind and very understanding and said all the right things. Wow! Not only didn't he know about Denise, he was able to say all the right things! So, this was a somewhat new experience. Then I asked a fatal question. Why I asked it, I don't know. But I asked "Have you lost a loved one to murder?" and sadly his answer was "yes". He went on with his story about his girlfriend's son being murdered up in Tallahassee last year. I just wanted to cry. But he understood. And I understood him. All he later said was "I understand". And I said "I understand and God bless you". And he said "God bless you, too". But then he added "you keep wearing that pin! It means she's with you! I might get my girlfriend a pin. I think she'd be proud to wear a picture of her son." Denise's picture is on the button.
That's our roller coaster. I feel like a zombie again. I feel as if I brightened that man's day. I feel as if I helped him. I believe he's going to get a picture of his girlfriend's son and make a button for her. I believe he knows he helped me. The button brought two strangers together who have experienced tragedy and we were able to share a comfort.
In any case! Thank you, Dave, and the rest of the City of North Port Commissioners. And thank you, deli man, for being such a nice guy. I'm sorry you and your girlfriend are in pain.
I think I'll go hibernate for the afternoon. I'm not going to be much good for anything else.
I'm not sad. I'm happy. Happy for Jane! It's such an honor and she deserves it. I'm just tired. This murder business takes a lot of emotional energy.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
A Special Thank You to Steve and Deborah Lee
Dear Steve and Deborah,
I know this letter is late in coming. Almost a year late. I apologize for that. But in remembering the past year, one of the things Mark and I appreciate most was your support in the days and weeks following Denise's death.
Knowing that during our own horrific tragedy you had your other tragedy at basically the same time.
For people who don't know, Deborah (our sister-in-law) lost her beloved nephew, Adam, a year ago today. He was a senior and on the Dean's List at the University of Connecticut. Yes, Deborah lost her beloved nephew and then less than a week later, Steve (Mark's brother) lost his beloved niece, our Denise. Both died very untimely and tragic deaths.
Both young, bright, and nice (IMO) kids just starting out in life.
As a matter of fact, Adam passed away the Friday before we lost Denise. We lost Denise the following Thursday.
I remember calling Steve on his cell during my mad dash out to Nathan and Denise's house. I didn't know who to call. I called Steve first. I called Steve before I even called my own family. Tragically, he was just picking up Deborah from the airport following Adam's (her nephews) funeral.
deep breath.
On to the thank you. Steve and Deborah were wonderful to us throughout. Bringing food etc... You could see Deborah was almost shell-shocked. As I mentioned before it was a double whammy for them. I was too numb to be much, if any, support to Deborah. And I'm sorry for that.
What I want to thank Steve and Deborah the most for isn't just all the love and support they bestowed on us but they truly did a wonderfully selfless act. They were the ones who helped Mark and went into that (I can barely type it) house on Latour where Nate and Denise had lived and they cleaned up the crime scene. I never went back to that house. To this day I haven't been back there. I don't know if any of you have ever cleaned up a crime scene but apparently according to Deb, there's black dust everywhere because of the dusting for finger prints. And she described things thrown this way and that. Everything was rifled through. She didn't mention blood so I don't know if there was any. But they delicated washed, and cleaned all the laundry, boxed all the dishes, took stuff to the drycleaners and went through that house, cabinet by cabinet, closet by closet and drawer by drawer. They washed all the baby clothes. It had to been excruciatingly painful for them. Especially while experiencing the double whammy of grief. And the shock. Having just lost Adam too.
Dear Steve and Deb, we'll never forget what you did for us. We probably don't know all that you did. There's probably much more to the story than we know. That's the kind of people you are. It was a genuinely selfless act of love and I want you and the world to know how very very much we appreciate what you did.
Also I want you to know that I'm thinking of Adam and Bobbie and of course you and your entire family today. I send much love and many many prayers.
This blog doesn't nearly and could never express the love we feel for you.
Peggy
I know this letter is late in coming. Almost a year late. I apologize for that. But in remembering the past year, one of the things Mark and I appreciate most was your support in the days and weeks following Denise's death.
Knowing that during our own horrific tragedy you had your other tragedy at basically the same time.
For people who don't know, Deborah (our sister-in-law) lost her beloved nephew, Adam, a year ago today. He was a senior and on the Dean's List at the University of Connecticut. Yes, Deborah lost her beloved nephew and then less than a week later, Steve (Mark's brother) lost his beloved niece, our Denise. Both died very untimely and tragic deaths.
Both young, bright, and nice (IMO) kids just starting out in life.
As a matter of fact, Adam passed away the Friday before we lost Denise. We lost Denise the following Thursday.
I remember calling Steve on his cell during my mad dash out to Nathan and Denise's house. I didn't know who to call. I called Steve first. I called Steve before I even called my own family. Tragically, he was just picking up Deborah from the airport following Adam's (her nephews) funeral.
deep breath.
On to the thank you. Steve and Deborah were wonderful to us throughout. Bringing food etc... You could see Deborah was almost shell-shocked. As I mentioned before it was a double whammy for them. I was too numb to be much, if any, support to Deborah. And I'm sorry for that.
What I want to thank Steve and Deborah the most for isn't just all the love and support they bestowed on us but they truly did a wonderfully selfless act. They were the ones who helped Mark and went into that (I can barely type it) house on Latour where Nate and Denise had lived and they cleaned up the crime scene. I never went back to that house. To this day I haven't been back there. I don't know if any of you have ever cleaned up a crime scene but apparently according to Deb, there's black dust everywhere because of the dusting for finger prints. And she described things thrown this way and that. Everything was rifled through. She didn't mention blood so I don't know if there was any. But they delicated washed, and cleaned all the laundry, boxed all the dishes, took stuff to the drycleaners and went through that house, cabinet by cabinet, closet by closet and drawer by drawer. They washed all the baby clothes. It had to been excruciatingly painful for them. Especially while experiencing the double whammy of grief. And the shock. Having just lost Adam too.
Dear Steve and Deb, we'll never forget what you did for us. We probably don't know all that you did. There's probably much more to the story than we know. That's the kind of people you are. It was a genuinely selfless act of love and I want you and the world to know how very very much we appreciate what you did.
Also I want you to know that I'm thinking of Adam and Bobbie and of course you and your entire family today. I send much love and many many prayers.
This blog doesn't nearly and could never express the love we feel for you.
Peggy
Friday, January 9, 2009
Denise Amber Lee A Timeline of January 17, 2008
For those who have already read this, please, forgive my repeating the story. I've written several time lines for several different people. I can't remember who knows what. And, so, I'm writing as much as I can down here. So, that it's clear and if anyone wants to dispute any of it, they can. What I'm about to write is part what we experienced and part of what I got out of the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office Internal Affairs report. No part of my timeline has come from the newspapers because as we learned from them erroneously printing about Denise being at the post office, newspapers can be wrong. I'll try to be as objective as possible and not let anger seep through.
Here goes:
The last time Nathan talked to Denise was just shortly after 11AM. His last words to her were "I love you".
Nate was working for the Florida Power and Light Company as a meter reader. His days started early by leaving the house so early it was still dark out. Denise and the boys would still be sleeping. Noah had just turned two years old. Adam was 6 months old and still being breast fed.
They had been over Mark's and my house the evening before. We had dinner together. After dinner Mark and Nate worked at the dining room table going over Dave Ramsey's "Total Money Makeover" book. They were working on a budget. Nathan had been working evenings as well as for FPL. He worked at Winn Dixie stocking shelves whenever he could. He played trumpet in the evenings for the Venice Symphony when they had concerts. He played every Christmas at our church. During the summer he would umpire Little League games for $50 a game. So, Denise didn't get out much. She stayed home with the boys.
Because she was quiet and shy or maybe just because she loved Nathan so much, she rarely went out without him. That and the two babies were and still are a handful for one person to lug around. She wrote a beautiful passage on her myspace the previous August about going to the mall and trying to purchase sunglasses. You'll have to check out her and Nate's family myspace page. www.myspace.com/leefamilyndn It's speaks of what kind of a mother she was. Her babies always came first.
Here's the story I'm talking about quoted from myspace:
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
The joy of having two boys...
Today I thought it might be fun to take the boys to the mall... by myself. It started off really well. Noah and I ate lunch in the food court while Adam slept. I let Noah go on one of those rides that cost 75 cents. Then we went to Old Navy. Noah started getting a little hyper and wouldn't stay with me so I had to hold him and push the stroller at the same time. At the check out both of them started crying. Adam was hungry so we went back out to the car where I fed Adam ('cause he's breastfeeding) and Noah played in the car rolling the window down. Finally we went back in the mall and I let Noah play in the play area so I could get a chance to just sit. Noah was knocked down twice by older boys running around wild. Of course then Adam needed changing and I couldn't take my eyes off of Noah or else he'd run out of the play area. So I put them both on the changing table and changed both their diapers. Fun fun. Then we went to JCPenny. I was trying on sunglasses when Noah tried to run away. So I had to carry Noah while trying on sunglasses and then Nathan called. Both of the boys start crying once again so I put Noah down and picked up Adam. Noah thought it would be funny to try to run away again. So i caught him while holding Adam and put Noah in the stroller. An old man commented that I must have my hands full and said he checked in the bottom basket of the stroller to make sure I didn't have a third one in there. LOL, can you imagin if I had three? So I finally bought my sunglasses and we went home. Something so simple as going to the mall to buy new sunglasses is a thousand times harder when you have two boys under two. But it was still fun. Anytime I get to leave the house is a treat for me.
We also have a few new pics of the boys. I made a new album of Noah and Adam and there's a couple new ones in Adam's album. Check 'em out.
Denise
As far as I know she didn't leave the house that day. Nate says she gave Noah a haircut out on the lanai. And when he got home around 3:30PM her clothes were laid out as if she was getting ready to take a shower. She had probably just laid the babies down for naps. When Nate arrived home he found both babies in the same crib. That was odd. Noah's voice was hoarse. All Denise's belongings were still there, cellphone, purse, keys etc... But no Denise. The windows were shut but not latched. Nathan and she had spoken earlier about opening the windows to save on air conditioning bills. January in Florida is one of the best times weather wise in Florida. And living so close to the coast we have some wonderful breezes. So, the windows being closed without the air on was also odd. It was stuffy. Searching frantically for Denise, Nathan called Sue (Denise's mom) first to see if she knew anything. Of course, she didn't and he immediately called 9-1-1 to report Denise missing. Then he called Rick and Rick went into action.
Normally in a missing adult case, they wait to start searching. There's usually a credible explanation as to why the person is not there or the person has left willingly. Rick and Nate both stressed, of course, that this wasn't the case. That there was just no way Denise would leave her kids. So, I believe, in deference to Rick, the North Port Police Department took this more seriously than they probably would normally have. (that's just opinion on my part). Rick works for the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office and has for the past 25 years. It had to be terribly frustrating for him to watch the neighboring agency handle the case. But Nate and Denise lived in North Port which is in Sarasota County. So North Port had jurisdiction.
I have already written in an earlier blog how Mark called me and my mad rush to get out to the house. I was at work and my phone was turned off so I was missing calls. Finally Mark called on the store phone. Sue had already picked up the babies. So, I stayed with Nate. You could see Rick's frustration with the NPPD. You could see NPPD 's frustration with Rick. In a word? It was heartbreaking. Nathan was a suspect. A helicopter was overhead. It was getting dark. The thoughts that run through your head. We all knew (our family knew) that there was no way Denise would leave willingly. It was just impossible. Doubts enter but they are quickly brushed aside. Because we knew her. And, she worshiped the ground Nathan walked on and those babies were her life. Nathan I believe, wanted me to leave to help Sue with the boys but I wouldn't. I kept my distance and didn't want to be in the way. But, I so wanted to be there for my baby. I can't describe the pain and agony on Nathan's face. On Rick's face. It's damn difficult watching your son's world fall apart.
Sometime around 4:20PM (I'm estimating times because I don't have the report in front of me. If I'm way off, I'll correct later but I've got this stuff pretty well memorized. I live it over and over again) NPPD requested a K-9 from the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office. This is the first time the CCSO 9-1-1 center became aware that Rick Goff's daughter is missing and that the children may have been involved.
At 3:30PM the CCSO had sent it's Teletype operator home early as to save paying overtime. At 4:59PM the first BOLO (Be On the Look Out) is broadcast over the Teletype from North Port mentioning a green Camaro, a description of the suspect and Denise. They give her name, age, haircolor etc... The next door neighbor had seen a green Camaro cruising up and down their road and then parked in Nathan and Denise's driveway.
Now since the Teletype operator went home the dispatchers were to monitor the Teletype every 5 or 10 minutes. Sadly, this BOLO was ignored.
At 5:38PM the CCSO says they issued their own BOLO but oddly, it's not in the CAD system which would have notified the deputies in the field immediately on their computers. The CCSO deputies were all over the place along the Sarasota County/Charlotte County border. But they don't know what they are looking for and they are frustrated they don't have any leads. Again, they never saw this BOLO and testified to that. Also, this BOLO isn't listed on a pass on log the call takers and dispatchers read when coming on duty. It lists what's going on, BOLOs etc... after reading it the on coming squad initials it. I have a copy of it. There is no BOLO listed as being sent out at 5:38PM by CCSO. (Oddly the summary of the I/A report says it was sent out at 5:31PM just one of many discrepancies in the summary). So, what do we have here? Deputies unaware and the dispatchers being unaware that Denise could be in a green Camaro. 2 other BOLOs sent across the Teletype are also ignored from North Port. One at 5:58PM and one at 6:46PM. So, IMO, there's no way that Teletype was being monitored. Now is this the dispatchers fault? I don't know who's fault it is. But obviously the time between 3:30PM and 6:45PM were critical for Denise.
Interestingly a call taker (Millie Stepp) testified she knew about the green Camaro but only because she heard about it over a Sarasota County radio. The supervisor of the 9-1-1 had been busy patching radios through to North Port. This takes close to an hour to do.
Okay, so deputies from the CCSO and Rick out at the house aren't aware of the green Camaro lead (maybe Rick is but he's assuming the Teletype is being monitored and the information is getting out). He's pacing and begging for information.
Then Sabrina Muxlow's 9-1-1 call comes into Sarasota County and she describes what her father told her. This is around 6:00Pm. She says her dad saw her cousin with a girl tied up in the backseat of the car and that the girl screamed "call the cops!" You'd think this guy would call the cops but no...... It's his cousin. And instead he lends him a flashlight, a gascan and a shovel. And 20 minutes later instead of calling the cops, he calls his daughter.
hmmm... deep breath here.
Then something truly miraculous happens. At 6:14PM the Sarasota County 9-1-1 center received a call from Denise herself. She has somehow managed to get the suspects cell phone and call 9-1-1. Sweet brave smart girl. She dupes him into thinking she's talking to him all the while giving information to the call taker. She indeed confirms that she's been taken against her will and that she's in a green Camaro. Her call lasts 7 minutes. Until it's abruptly ended with Michael King looking for his phone.
Now things at the house are starting to happen. Rick and CCSO Sgt Floyd Davis listen to Denise's frantic call. Rick confirms it's indeed her. My heart breaks for him thinking of his having to listen to it. But he heard her fighting and he must have been damn proud of her. Her call ends around 6:22PM and Floyd Davis calls the CCSO dispatch and requests a BOLO to be sent out immediately to look for a green Camaro. Finally, at 6:36PM the CCSO dispatch issues it's first documented BOLO telling their deputies (who have been waiting for this) to look for a green Camaro. All along for the past hour and a half they could've been looking for it but didn't know to.
At 6:30PM Jane Kowalski is watching Denise's hand pound the back window of the dark Camaro and hears her screaming bloody murder. She calls 9-1-1 but because she's crossed the county line she reaches the CCSO 9-1-1 center. It is the only 9-1-1 call in reference to Denise that the CCSO 9-1-1 center receives. The call lasts 9 minutes but no car is ever dispatched to the location Jane has described. Jane waits to hear from the CCSO but never does.
The 9-1-1 supervisor testifies "she didn't really know what was going on".
We at the house, are unaware of this call. Jane not only sees Denise's hand and makes eye contact with Michael King, she gives the CCSO call taker cross streets. On the 9-1-1 tape you hear the call taker is rattled, not in control, asking for direction from a supervisor and completely at sea as to what to do. Instead of entering information in the CAD immediately the way she was trained to do, so the deputies can see the information in their cars on their computers, she writes it down on a piece of paper and yells it across the room.
At the same time, Sgt Davis is on the phone with one of the dispatchers requesting the BOLO I mentioned earlier. The dispatcher tells him a little about the call Millie is in the process of taking. She asks Sgt Davis if the Camaro is blue. Sgt Davis says no, he believes it's green but tells her to call the NPPD to confirm. She never does. I don't know why not. It was not asked in the report. She also fails to mention to Sgt Davis that there's another person in the car in re to the phone call Millie's taking. He testifies "if she had, things would have turned out way different".
Also, at the same time the new shift comes on duty. They all initial a pass on log listing the incidents that are occuring or have occured. Updating them as to what is going on. Sadly, none of the 3 BOLOs North Port issued over the Teletype are listed. Neither is the supposed BOLO the CCSO sent out at 5:38PM. They testify that all they knew going in was that Rick Goff's daughter was taken, that maybe children were involved and that K-9 was requested. It was never asked in the report what the on coming supervisor knew or was told considering the other supervisor "didn't know what was going on" because she says "she was patching radios".
I can't tell you what is going on with Denise at this time. I don't honestly know. I assume she's on her way to her final destination. She had been torn away from her children, taken to the suspect's home, brutally raped and terrorized but still kept enough presence of mind to snatch his phone, call 9-1-1 and in a last ditch effort, take off her precious heart ring Nathan had given to her so that he could later identify it. She saved her kids and handed the prosecution their case on a silver platter.
What a hero.
Another BOLO is issued by North Port over the Teletype sometime around 7. From Denise's 9-1-1 call to Sarasota County they glean information on Michael King, where he lives, etc.... That information along with the tag number is in the this BOLO.
Oddly, the CCSO doesn't respond to this BOLO until 8:15PM when they finally issue their own BOLO. The first mention in the CAD system about looking for a Camaro is at 7:02PM and it says gray. I figure Denise is gone by then.
At 9:15PM or therabouts, a CCSO patrol car spots the Camaro and it's Eddie Pope, with the FHP, that stops it and arrests King. There is no Denise.
I don't know what time the search was called off that night. I had Noah spending the night. And kept him the next day while hundreds of people met to search for Denise. Many from FPL are turned away. Mark described to me walking hand in hand with others and being given little red flags to place where they may spot a clue. The searchers search at the end of Salford Blvd because that's where Michael King suggests they look. They still know nothing of Kowalski's call to the CCSO 9-1-1 center telling them he was last seen with Denise in the car turning east on Toledo Blade. They are at the same time searching a small area on Toledo Blade not far from where they arrested King. The CCSO's silence in this matter is unconscionable in my opinion.
I imagine if they would have known about Kowalski's call maybe the bigger search effort would have been along Toledo Blade and not Salford. I imagine her not having to spend an extra day and a half in that shallow grave, naked and exposed to the Florida elements longer than she had to. Or us suffering that day and half agonizing over what happened to her for longer than we had to. The only thing that could possibly account for this silence is cover up. And if it wasn't cover up, it was gross negligence.
There was negligence in how they handled the BOLO's and the Teletype as well. Maybe the thought of possibly losing their Teletype machine for not monitoring it appropriately and being caught silenced them. I don't know. But they knew.
When they called off the search early Saturday afternoon we assumed they had found her but we still don't know where or how or in what condition. There is still a glimmer of hope she's still alive. Shattered but alive. But, no, we're officially informed it was her around 4PM.
deep breath here
She was shot in the head.
I really can't go on. There were several other tragic errors the CCSO made that night. The piece of paper the call taker had written on had been handed to one of the dispatchers who didn't believe her radio was working. But according to the CAD it is the entire time and she's on it. Millie testifies she yelled the info to Dispatcher A but Dispatcher A and Dispatcher B testify she yelled it to Dispatcher B. The supervisor testifies she didn't know what was going on. It was very shoddy work indeed.
We don't find out about Kowalski's call until the day of the viewing. That would be the following Tuesday. We're numb already and for me it didn't sink in right away. The only reason we ever found out about her call was because she persisted in calling the North Port Police wanting to help. They didn't know who she was. Finally they figured it out on Saturday the day Denise was found and had to "request" information from the CCSO. The CCSO wasn't going to give it to them.
Jane Kowalski's interview with the North Port Police Department. They are still not sure who she is.
http://www.heraldtribune.com/article/20090117/VIDEO01/901160374&profile=2414&template=video
We find out more from the I/A report but it takes reading it 3 times to figure it out. It's that convoluted and there are so many errors in the summary.
Then we find out that the woman leading the investigation was actually working as Director of Communications. She had been promoted to Internal Affairs just before but because Sherman Robinson was on vacation, she filled in for him.
We also find out that the CCSO treated Jane Kowalski with derision and disdain. They blamed her for giving them erroneous information. She said blue Camaro and said it was a child. They never even followed her up with a phone call.
Sweet sweet Denise. I'm trying my hardest baby to get the bigger, more important story out. I'm sure people are sick of reading about it, but I don't know what else to do. Somehow we must make people aware of what's going on at the CCSO. I just don't know how else to do it.
I really need to write next about all the good things that followed. All the people who came out in droves for your funeral. All the fundraisers. All the hugs and prayers. The on-line community (a piano forum) that raised $16K for the boys education. How everyone's hearts broke and are still breaking everytime your story is played on DateLine or PrimeTime. Of how our families have bonded and we're doing out bests for Nate, Noah and Adam. There have been thousands more angels than villains in this piece. You have your own tree now. And your own classroom! You may get a playground. So many people now look at you as a hero. I'll always remember you put those babies first. In the Catholic church I believe you would be considered a martyr and a saint. Your last thought of Nate and his ring. How your heart must have broke.
Here goes:
The last time Nathan talked to Denise was just shortly after 11AM. His last words to her were "I love you".
Nate was working for the Florida Power and Light Company as a meter reader. His days started early by leaving the house so early it was still dark out. Denise and the boys would still be sleeping. Noah had just turned two years old. Adam was 6 months old and still being breast fed.
They had been over Mark's and my house the evening before. We had dinner together. After dinner Mark and Nate worked at the dining room table going over Dave Ramsey's "Total Money Makeover" book. They were working on a budget. Nathan had been working evenings as well as for FPL. He worked at Winn Dixie stocking shelves whenever he could. He played trumpet in the evenings for the Venice Symphony when they had concerts. He played every Christmas at our church. During the summer he would umpire Little League games for $50 a game. So, Denise didn't get out much. She stayed home with the boys.
Because she was quiet and shy or maybe just because she loved Nathan so much, she rarely went out without him. That and the two babies were and still are a handful for one person to lug around. She wrote a beautiful passage on her myspace the previous August about going to the mall and trying to purchase sunglasses. You'll have to check out her and Nate's family myspace page. www.myspace.com/leefamilyndn It's speaks of what kind of a mother she was. Her babies always came first.
Here's the story I'm talking about quoted from myspace:
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
The joy of having two boys...
Today I thought it might be fun to take the boys to the mall... by myself. It started off really well. Noah and I ate lunch in the food court while Adam slept. I let Noah go on one of those rides that cost 75 cents. Then we went to Old Navy. Noah started getting a little hyper and wouldn't stay with me so I had to hold him and push the stroller at the same time. At the check out both of them started crying. Adam was hungry so we went back out to the car where I fed Adam ('cause he's breastfeeding) and Noah played in the car rolling the window down. Finally we went back in the mall and I let Noah play in the play area so I could get a chance to just sit. Noah was knocked down twice by older boys running around wild. Of course then Adam needed changing and I couldn't take my eyes off of Noah or else he'd run out of the play area. So I put them both on the changing table and changed both their diapers. Fun fun. Then we went to JCPenny. I was trying on sunglasses when Noah tried to run away. So I had to carry Noah while trying on sunglasses and then Nathan called. Both of the boys start crying once again so I put Noah down and picked up Adam. Noah thought it would be funny to try to run away again. So i caught him while holding Adam and put Noah in the stroller. An old man commented that I must have my hands full and said he checked in the bottom basket of the stroller to make sure I didn't have a third one in there. LOL, can you imagin if I had three? So I finally bought my sunglasses and we went home. Something so simple as going to the mall to buy new sunglasses is a thousand times harder when you have two boys under two. But it was still fun. Anytime I get to leave the house is a treat for me.
We also have a few new pics of the boys. I made a new album of Noah and Adam and there's a couple new ones in Adam's album. Check 'em out.
Denise
As far as I know she didn't leave the house that day. Nate says she gave Noah a haircut out on the lanai. And when he got home around 3:30PM her clothes were laid out as if she was getting ready to take a shower. She had probably just laid the babies down for naps. When Nate arrived home he found both babies in the same crib. That was odd. Noah's voice was hoarse. All Denise's belongings were still there, cellphone, purse, keys etc... But no Denise. The windows were shut but not latched. Nathan and she had spoken earlier about opening the windows to save on air conditioning bills. January in Florida is one of the best times weather wise in Florida. And living so close to the coast we have some wonderful breezes. So, the windows being closed without the air on was also odd. It was stuffy. Searching frantically for Denise, Nathan called Sue (Denise's mom) first to see if she knew anything. Of course, she didn't and he immediately called 9-1-1 to report Denise missing. Then he called Rick and Rick went into action.
Normally in a missing adult case, they wait to start searching. There's usually a credible explanation as to why the person is not there or the person has left willingly. Rick and Nate both stressed, of course, that this wasn't the case. That there was just no way Denise would leave her kids. So, I believe, in deference to Rick, the North Port Police Department took this more seriously than they probably would normally have. (that's just opinion on my part). Rick works for the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office and has for the past 25 years. It had to be terribly frustrating for him to watch the neighboring agency handle the case. But Nate and Denise lived in North Port which is in Sarasota County. So North Port had jurisdiction.
I have already written in an earlier blog how Mark called me and my mad rush to get out to the house. I was at work and my phone was turned off so I was missing calls. Finally Mark called on the store phone. Sue had already picked up the babies. So, I stayed with Nate. You could see Rick's frustration with the NPPD. You could see NPPD 's frustration with Rick. In a word? It was heartbreaking. Nathan was a suspect. A helicopter was overhead. It was getting dark. The thoughts that run through your head. We all knew (our family knew) that there was no way Denise would leave willingly. It was just impossible. Doubts enter but they are quickly brushed aside. Because we knew her. And, she worshiped the ground Nathan walked on and those babies were her life. Nathan I believe, wanted me to leave to help Sue with the boys but I wouldn't. I kept my distance and didn't want to be in the way. But, I so wanted to be there for my baby. I can't describe the pain and agony on Nathan's face. On Rick's face. It's damn difficult watching your son's world fall apart.
Sometime around 4:20PM (I'm estimating times because I don't have the report in front of me. If I'm way off, I'll correct later but I've got this stuff pretty well memorized. I live it over and over again) NPPD requested a K-9 from the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office. This is the first time the CCSO 9-1-1 center became aware that Rick Goff's daughter is missing and that the children may have been involved.
At 3:30PM the CCSO had sent it's Teletype operator home early as to save paying overtime. At 4:59PM the first BOLO (Be On the Look Out) is broadcast over the Teletype from North Port mentioning a green Camaro, a description of the suspect and Denise. They give her name, age, haircolor etc... The next door neighbor had seen a green Camaro cruising up and down their road and then parked in Nathan and Denise's driveway.
Now since the Teletype operator went home the dispatchers were to monitor the Teletype every 5 or 10 minutes. Sadly, this BOLO was ignored.
At 5:38PM the CCSO says they issued their own BOLO but oddly, it's not in the CAD system which would have notified the deputies in the field immediately on their computers. The CCSO deputies were all over the place along the Sarasota County/Charlotte County border. But they don't know what they are looking for and they are frustrated they don't have any leads. Again, they never saw this BOLO and testified to that. Also, this BOLO isn't listed on a pass on log the call takers and dispatchers read when coming on duty. It lists what's going on, BOLOs etc... after reading it the on coming squad initials it. I have a copy of it. There is no BOLO listed as being sent out at 5:38PM by CCSO. (Oddly the summary of the I/A report says it was sent out at 5:31PM just one of many discrepancies in the summary). So, what do we have here? Deputies unaware and the dispatchers being unaware that Denise could be in a green Camaro. 2 other BOLOs sent across the Teletype are also ignored from North Port. One at 5:58PM and one at 6:46PM. So, IMO, there's no way that Teletype was being monitored. Now is this the dispatchers fault? I don't know who's fault it is. But obviously the time between 3:30PM and 6:45PM were critical for Denise.
Interestingly a call taker (Millie Stepp) testified she knew about the green Camaro but only because she heard about it over a Sarasota County radio. The supervisor of the 9-1-1 had been busy patching radios through to North Port. This takes close to an hour to do.
Okay, so deputies from the CCSO and Rick out at the house aren't aware of the green Camaro lead (maybe Rick is but he's assuming the Teletype is being monitored and the information is getting out). He's pacing and begging for information.
Then Sabrina Muxlow's 9-1-1 call comes into Sarasota County and she describes what her father told her. This is around 6:00Pm. She says her dad saw her cousin with a girl tied up in the backseat of the car and that the girl screamed "call the cops!" You'd think this guy would call the cops but no...... It's his cousin. And instead he lends him a flashlight, a gascan and a shovel. And 20 minutes later instead of calling the cops, he calls his daughter.
hmmm... deep breath here.
Then something truly miraculous happens. At 6:14PM the Sarasota County 9-1-1 center received a call from Denise herself. She has somehow managed to get the suspects cell phone and call 9-1-1. Sweet brave smart girl. She dupes him into thinking she's talking to him all the while giving information to the call taker. She indeed confirms that she's been taken against her will and that she's in a green Camaro. Her call lasts 7 minutes. Until it's abruptly ended with Michael King looking for his phone.
Now things at the house are starting to happen. Rick and CCSO Sgt Floyd Davis listen to Denise's frantic call. Rick confirms it's indeed her. My heart breaks for him thinking of his having to listen to it. But he heard her fighting and he must have been damn proud of her. Her call ends around 6:22PM and Floyd Davis calls the CCSO dispatch and requests a BOLO to be sent out immediately to look for a green Camaro. Finally, at 6:36PM the CCSO dispatch issues it's first documented BOLO telling their deputies (who have been waiting for this) to look for a green Camaro. All along for the past hour and a half they could've been looking for it but didn't know to.
At 6:30PM Jane Kowalski is watching Denise's hand pound the back window of the dark Camaro and hears her screaming bloody murder. She calls 9-1-1 but because she's crossed the county line she reaches the CCSO 9-1-1 center. It is the only 9-1-1 call in reference to Denise that the CCSO 9-1-1 center receives. The call lasts 9 minutes but no car is ever dispatched to the location Jane has described. Jane waits to hear from the CCSO but never does.
The 9-1-1 supervisor testifies "she didn't really know what was going on".
We at the house, are unaware of this call. Jane not only sees Denise's hand and makes eye contact with Michael King, she gives the CCSO call taker cross streets. On the 9-1-1 tape you hear the call taker is rattled, not in control, asking for direction from a supervisor and completely at sea as to what to do. Instead of entering information in the CAD immediately the way she was trained to do, so the deputies can see the information in their cars on their computers, she writes it down on a piece of paper and yells it across the room.
At the same time, Sgt Davis is on the phone with one of the dispatchers requesting the BOLO I mentioned earlier. The dispatcher tells him a little about the call Millie is in the process of taking. She asks Sgt Davis if the Camaro is blue. Sgt Davis says no, he believes it's green but tells her to call the NPPD to confirm. She never does. I don't know why not. It was not asked in the report. She also fails to mention to Sgt Davis that there's another person in the car in re to the phone call Millie's taking. He testifies "if she had, things would have turned out way different".
Also, at the same time the new shift comes on duty. They all initial a pass on log listing the incidents that are occuring or have occured. Updating them as to what is going on. Sadly, none of the 3 BOLOs North Port issued over the Teletype are listed. Neither is the supposed BOLO the CCSO sent out at 5:38PM. They testify that all they knew going in was that Rick Goff's daughter was taken, that maybe children were involved and that K-9 was requested. It was never asked in the report what the on coming supervisor knew or was told considering the other supervisor "didn't know what was going on" because she says "she was patching radios".
I can't tell you what is going on with Denise at this time. I don't honestly know. I assume she's on her way to her final destination. She had been torn away from her children, taken to the suspect's home, brutally raped and terrorized but still kept enough presence of mind to snatch his phone, call 9-1-1 and in a last ditch effort, take off her precious heart ring Nathan had given to her so that he could later identify it. She saved her kids and handed the prosecution their case on a silver platter.
What a hero.
Another BOLO is issued by North Port over the Teletype sometime around 7. From Denise's 9-1-1 call to Sarasota County they glean information on Michael King, where he lives, etc.... That information along with the tag number is in the this BOLO.
Oddly, the CCSO doesn't respond to this BOLO until 8:15PM when they finally issue their own BOLO. The first mention in the CAD system about looking for a Camaro is at 7:02PM and it says gray. I figure Denise is gone by then.
At 9:15PM or therabouts, a CCSO patrol car spots the Camaro and it's Eddie Pope, with the FHP, that stops it and arrests King. There is no Denise.
I don't know what time the search was called off that night. I had Noah spending the night. And kept him the next day while hundreds of people met to search for Denise. Many from FPL are turned away. Mark described to me walking hand in hand with others and being given little red flags to place where they may spot a clue. The searchers search at the end of Salford Blvd because that's where Michael King suggests they look. They still know nothing of Kowalski's call to the CCSO 9-1-1 center telling them he was last seen with Denise in the car turning east on Toledo Blade. They are at the same time searching a small area on Toledo Blade not far from where they arrested King. The CCSO's silence in this matter is unconscionable in my opinion.
I imagine if they would have known about Kowalski's call maybe the bigger search effort would have been along Toledo Blade and not Salford. I imagine her not having to spend an extra day and a half in that shallow grave, naked and exposed to the Florida elements longer than she had to. Or us suffering that day and half agonizing over what happened to her for longer than we had to. The only thing that could possibly account for this silence is cover up. And if it wasn't cover up, it was gross negligence.
There was negligence in how they handled the BOLO's and the Teletype as well. Maybe the thought of possibly losing their Teletype machine for not monitoring it appropriately and being caught silenced them. I don't know. But they knew.
When they called off the search early Saturday afternoon we assumed they had found her but we still don't know where or how or in what condition. There is still a glimmer of hope she's still alive. Shattered but alive. But, no, we're officially informed it was her around 4PM.
deep breath here
She was shot in the head.
I really can't go on. There were several other tragic errors the CCSO made that night. The piece of paper the call taker had written on had been handed to one of the dispatchers who didn't believe her radio was working. But according to the CAD it is the entire time and she's on it. Millie testifies she yelled the info to Dispatcher A but Dispatcher A and Dispatcher B testify she yelled it to Dispatcher B. The supervisor testifies she didn't know what was going on. It was very shoddy work indeed.
We don't find out about Kowalski's call until the day of the viewing. That would be the following Tuesday. We're numb already and for me it didn't sink in right away. The only reason we ever found out about her call was because she persisted in calling the North Port Police wanting to help. They didn't know who she was. Finally they figured it out on Saturday the day Denise was found and had to "request" information from the CCSO. The CCSO wasn't going to give it to them.
Jane Kowalski's interview with the North Port Police Department. They are still not sure who she is.
http://www.heraldtribune.com/article/20090117/VIDEO01/901160374&profile=2414&template=video
We find out more from the I/A report but it takes reading it 3 times to figure it out. It's that convoluted and there are so many errors in the summary.
Then we find out that the woman leading the investigation was actually working as Director of Communications. She had been promoted to Internal Affairs just before but because Sherman Robinson was on vacation, she filled in for him.
We also find out that the CCSO treated Jane Kowalski with derision and disdain. They blamed her for giving them erroneous information. She said blue Camaro and said it was a child. They never even followed her up with a phone call.
Sweet sweet Denise. I'm trying my hardest baby to get the bigger, more important story out. I'm sure people are sick of reading about it, but I don't know what else to do. Somehow we must make people aware of what's going on at the CCSO. I just don't know how else to do it.
I really need to write next about all the good things that followed. All the people who came out in droves for your funeral. All the fundraisers. All the hugs and prayers. The on-line community (a piano forum) that raised $16K for the boys education. How everyone's hearts broke and are still breaking everytime your story is played on DateLine or PrimeTime. Of how our families have bonded and we're doing out bests for Nate, Noah and Adam. There have been thousands more angels than villains in this piece. You have your own tree now. And your own classroom! You may get a playground. So many people now look at you as a hero. I'll always remember you put those babies first. In the Catholic church I believe you would be considered a martyr and a saint. Your last thought of Nate and his ring. How your heart must have broke.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Dear Denise, Noah turned 3 today
But you already know that.
We are so blessed to have Noah and Adam.
I miss you, Denise. He's growing up to be so much like you.
He's getting to be a stinker though. I don't think you'd like the way we've been spoiling him. It's tough not too. Remember the impish, devil laugh he used to have? And that smile? Well, he still has them and he knows how to use them.
He's not potty trained yet. We're working on it, kinda. I know he'd go if you were here. I just know it.
He remembered you a lot over Christmas. We talked about you quite a bit. And I showed him the blue picture frame you made and the turtle. He's fascinated by them. I found a picture of you making the turtle and that fascinated him more.
He loves to talk about you and he loves to remember you.
Anyhow, I just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you and missing you.
Thank you so much for being selfless and brave by keeping that monster away from them. Thank you for protecting them.
I never knew how selfless, brave and smart you were while you were here. And I'm so sorry for that. I knew you were generous and sweet. I knew you worshiped the ground Nate walked on. I knew how very much you loved Noah and Adam. I just wish I could've had more time with you.
Love you, baby.
We are so blessed to have Noah and Adam.
I miss you, Denise. He's growing up to be so much like you.
He's getting to be a stinker though. I don't think you'd like the way we've been spoiling him. It's tough not too. Remember the impish, devil laugh he used to have? And that smile? Well, he still has them and he knows how to use them.
He's not potty trained yet. We're working on it, kinda. I know he'd go if you were here. I just know it.
He remembered you a lot over Christmas. We talked about you quite a bit. And I showed him the blue picture frame you made and the turtle. He's fascinated by them. I found a picture of you making the turtle and that fascinated him more.
He loves to talk about you and he loves to remember you.
Anyhow, I just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you and missing you.
Thank you so much for being selfless and brave by keeping that monster away from them. Thank you for protecting them.
I never knew how selfless, brave and smart you were while you were here. And I'm so sorry for that. I knew you were generous and sweet. I knew you worshiped the ground Nate walked on. I knew how very much you loved Noah and Adam. I just wish I could've had more time with you.
Love you, baby.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Looking forward and at cover up
Link to story:
http://www.sunnewspapers.net/articles/pnnews.aspx?NewsID=429491&a=newsarchive2/010709/ch4.htm&pnpg=1
my comments to follow
Published on: Wednesday, January 07, 2009
New sheriff in town
Cameron sworn in as county's top cop
PUNTA GORDA -- Bill Cameron took a deep breath, and peered at his fellow officers in the crowd.
His first words as Charlotte County sheriff began with a joke.
Cameron explained how he is one of the select few who have been appointed and elected sheriff.
But he wouldn't recommend the latter for anyone thinking about seeking office.
"Appointed is the way to go," he said, as the auditorium erupted in laughter.
All kidding aside, Cameron was serious when he told his colleagues to serve the community like it's family.
Cameron, 47, was sworn in Tuesday morning before a group of co-workers, family and friends at the Center for Performing Arts and Education in Punta Gorda.
The ceremony marked Cameron's second stint as sheriff, having served briefly several years ago.
Cameron replaces John Davenport, who retired earlier this week.
"I just hope I can live up to your expectations," Cameron said to the group.
Cameron's career began in 1982 with the Fort Myers Police Department. Five years later, he joined the Lee County Sheriff's Office, where he remained until 2003.
He was appointed interim Charlotte County sheriff by then-Gov. Jeb Bush, following the removal of Bill Clement.
Cameron became chief deputy when Davenport was elected a year later.
Since then, he believes the agency has made positive strides throughout the community.
Colleagues echoed his sentiment.
"It's been the best six years of my law enforcement career," said Maj. Dan Libby.
Following his badge-pinning, Cameron had every employee in the crowd reaffirm their oath of office.
He spoke briefly about the looming financial challenges, and the importance of making sound decisions.
"Do the right thing for the right reasons, and you'll never stumble," Cameron said.
E-mail: jwitz@sun-herald.com
By JASON WITZ
We don't talk to Rick about the CCSO simply because we don't want to cause him any more anxiety or pain then he already has. If he had any problem with our crusade to expose Davenport and Cameron for who they are I'm sure he'd tell us.
How to work with a man like Bill Cameron? I don't know.
I guess I'm sounding pretty darn angry. Well, I am. The man makes me want to puke every time I think of him. Why? Because he's a liar and a manipulator of the facts. He put politics and getting elected before the community. I don't care how much community service and good works you do. A liar is a liar. And he lied to get elected.
I've always been a registered Republican. I've always had faith in my party. But after this debacle, I no longer have faith in the Republican Party in Florida. They protected their own and closed ranks. I even heard that Worch endorsed Cameron and meets with him for lunch.
And Governor Charlie Crist has distanced himself as far a way from this story as he possibly could. He won't even look at it.
Now that all that anger is out let me explain why I think there was a cover-up or at least an attempt at cover-up. Again. (Sorry to those who have read this before. The reason I'm doing this is not because I'm obsessed. It's more because I figure the more I put it out there on the internet, the more it'll be seen and these people need to be exposed for what they did.)
Top ten reasons there was a cover-up:
1 They didn't notify the North Port Police Department immediately after the phone call. Why not?
2 They never followed up with Jane Kowalski on her phone call. Why not?
3 They had Capt Donna Roguska lead the Internal Affairs investigation. She was Director of Communications that night and in charge.
4 They didn't interview Bill Cameron the Chief of Communications. Why not?
5 They refused to answer any questions after the Internal Affairs Investigation Report came out. Why not?
6 Their treatment of Ms Kowalski in blaming her for giving them "erroneous" information about the color of the car and the age of the victim.
7 They laid blame on Nextel being the problem and went to great lengths about discontinuing the use of Nextel when the only person who had a Nextel phone in the 9-1-1 center that night was Laurie Piatt, the supervisor patching radios. At least according to those who were interviewed. Who knows what Roguska and Cameron were using. They conveniently weren't interviewed.
8 The list of questions that went unasked in the investigation. For example "who was the 'he' in authority that Millie Stepp was asking direction from while on the phone with Ms Kowalski?" and "who was hollering at Millie when she was on the phone with Ms Kowalski?" These were clearly people in authority. Those people were never interviewed and it was never asked who they are. Also "why didn't Millie (the call taker) confirm with the dispatchers that they received her information and that it was sent out?" And "why weren't the 3 BOLOs sent across on the Teletype from North Port responded to?" And "why were the CCSO deputies in the field not looking for a green Camaro until after 6:45PM when the CCSO first received information over the Teletype about a green Camaro as early as 4:59PM?" And "during the shift change what information did the on duty supervisor give to the on-coming supervisor?" And "why wasn't the on coming squad of call takers and dispatchers made aware of the green Camaro and the 3 BOLOs?" The pass on log which they all initialed when they came in at 6:45PM doesn't mention anything about the green Camaro or the white pudgy guy. Why not? "Why were the CCSO deputies in the field so frustrated about not having any leads when there were clearly leads coming over the Teletype?" How could the supervisor, Laurie Piatt get away with a response of "I didn't know what was going on, I was patching radios, I mean, I knew Millie had a call but I really didn't know anything about it". She was the supervisor for goodness sakes. Where's the follow up of "why not? And why didn't you make it your business to find out why one of your call takers was standing up screaming across the room and find out why people were hollering at her?" I could go on but I'll stop for a while. Most likely I'll blog about it in a few days. If I do I'll warn you ahead of time that it's a rant on cover-up.
9 They won't open themselves up to an external investigation which you'd think they would. I mean, if there are no issues as they say and their dispatchers are excellent, you'd think an external investigation would exonerate them.
10 Biggest reason! the North Port Police Department had to "request" information on Ms Kowalski's call on Saturday, the same day we found Denise's body. 3 days. When the CCSO clearly knew according to their own I/A report the call referred to Denise as early as Thursday evening. Why? Why did the NPPD have to "request" information. Ms Kowalski was the last person to see Denise alive. She was a critical witness and we would NEVER have known about her or her call if she hadn't persistantly called the NPPD. The CCSO's treatment of her is an indictment itself.
God bless you, Jane. If you ever read this, please, know you are a true hero in my eyes and I'm so sorry if you've suffered in anyway for doing the right thing.
So, how do we move forward and work with this guy to clean up the mess? I can't trust a word he says because he's actually lied about my family during probably the worst times of our lives. His treatment of Nathan...... It's appalling and sickening.
IMO, Cameron's more of a politician than a sheriff. And it was obvious in 2008 that he puts politics before public safety.
http://www.sunnewspapers.net/articles/pnnews.aspx?NewsID=429491&a=newsarchive2/010709/ch4.htm&pnpg=1
my comments to follow
Published on: Wednesday, January 07, 2009
New sheriff in town
Cameron sworn in as county's top cop
PUNTA GORDA -- Bill Cameron took a deep breath, and peered at his fellow officers in the crowd.
His first words as Charlotte County sheriff began with a joke.
Cameron explained how he is one of the select few who have been appointed and elected sheriff.
But he wouldn't recommend the latter for anyone thinking about seeking office.
"Appointed is the way to go," he said, as the auditorium erupted in laughter.
All kidding aside, Cameron was serious when he told his colleagues to serve the community like it's family.
Cameron, 47, was sworn in Tuesday morning before a group of co-workers, family and friends at the Center for Performing Arts and Education in Punta Gorda.
The ceremony marked Cameron's second stint as sheriff, having served briefly several years ago.
Cameron replaces John Davenport, who retired earlier this week.
"I just hope I can live up to your expectations," Cameron said to the group.
Cameron's career began in 1982 with the Fort Myers Police Department. Five years later, he joined the Lee County Sheriff's Office, where he remained until 2003.
He was appointed interim Charlotte County sheriff by then-Gov. Jeb Bush, following the removal of Bill Clement.
Cameron became chief deputy when Davenport was elected a year later.
Since then, he believes the agency has made positive strides throughout the community.
Colleagues echoed his sentiment.
"It's been the best six years of my law enforcement career," said Maj. Dan Libby.
Following his badge-pinning, Cameron had every employee in the crowd reaffirm their oath of office.
He spoke briefly about the looming financial challenges, and the importance of making sound decisions.
"Do the right thing for the right reasons, and you'll never stumble," Cameron said.
E-mail: jwitz@sun-herald.com
By JASON WITZ
I gotta tell you I've got mixed feelings about this article too. I almost despise Bill Cameron. Yet, I realize that we have to work with this man for the next four years. If we want to change our 9-1-1 center and make improvements, we're going to have to go through this guy.
Of course, that'll be difficult considering in his campaign he averred "our 9-1-1 center has no issues" and "we have excellent dispatchers". So how do you work with a man that only looks at the forest and not at the trees?
As you know I've already blogged about several of the issues our 9-1-1 center has. I won't go into them again here. Why continue rehashing them?
But, then I think "Peggy, you have to rehash them and continue to rehash them". Why? Because if we don't speak out about them, I'm afraid they'll continue to be swept under the rug. Why? Suppose in regards to Nathan's lawsuit against the CCSO, they decide to settle? One of the things the CCSO will most likely require is for us "to never talk about this story again" "no books" "no interviews" nothing, nada.
Also, I feel the need to expose Bill Cameron for the politician he is. So, that in the next election (four years from now) people will know what kind of person he really is. This past election he was protected by his buddy John Davenport and other high up Republicans. Also, he was protected by the newspapers IMO. Mark and I went to the Charlotte Sun weeks before the election and spelled out why we believed there was a cover-up. We spelled out many of the problems but they were never published. Most of the people who voted had no idea the Bill Cameron was Chief of Communications that night. Meaning, he was in charge! And he was responsible. He was the one directly responsible for not notifying the North Port Police Department about Ms Kowalski's call. He's the one that made all the important decisions that night. He was also at the time the Public Information Officer. What does that mean? That means he was responsible for what information was given out to the press and to our family. He was the one responsible for manipulating the facts.
He also lied about our family on the campaign trail. He insinuated to the newspapers that the Goffs and Lees don't get along. He insinuated that Rick Goff doesn't approve or appreciate our efforts in trying to correct the problems in the 9-1-1 center. I had a reporter ask me directly "Mrs. Lee, how well do you get along with the Goffs?" I was like "what?" the reporter replied "It's been implied by Bill Cameron that your families don't get along and never have". WHAT! Then Cameron is quoted in the newspaper saying "Rick was in my office the other day and he said he doesn't like his daughter's name being used in politics and that he's fine with the investigation and if Rick's fine with the investigation and has no questions, that's good enough for me!" Or something to that effect. If you need a direct quote, I'll get it for you. What a lie! An ALL OUT LIE! Rick obviously supports our efforts. He spoke in Tallahassee and on national television averring how "his department" screwed up. He has been at every Denise Amber Lee Foundation fundraiser.
Our families (the Lees and the Goffs) have bonded in a very special way. Rick has been like a father to Nate. We've joined together in doing all we can to help Nathan with the babies.We don't talk to Rick about the CCSO simply because we don't want to cause him any more anxiety or pain then he already has. If he had any problem with our crusade to expose Davenport and Cameron for who they are I'm sure he'd tell us.
How to work with a man like Bill Cameron? I don't know.
I guess I'm sounding pretty darn angry. Well, I am. The man makes me want to puke every time I think of him. Why? Because he's a liar and a manipulator of the facts. He put politics and getting elected before the community. I don't care how much community service and good works you do. A liar is a liar. And he lied to get elected.
I've always been a registered Republican. I've always had faith in my party. But after this debacle, I no longer have faith in the Republican Party in Florida. They protected their own and closed ranks. I even heard that Worch endorsed Cameron and meets with him for lunch.
And Governor Charlie Crist has distanced himself as far a way from this story as he possibly could. He won't even look at it.
Now that all that anger is out let me explain why I think there was a cover-up or at least an attempt at cover-up. Again. (Sorry to those who have read this before. The reason I'm doing this is not because I'm obsessed. It's more because I figure the more I put it out there on the internet, the more it'll be seen and these people need to be exposed for what they did.)
Top ten reasons there was a cover-up:
1 They didn't notify the North Port Police Department immediately after the phone call. Why not?
2 They never followed up with Jane Kowalski on her phone call. Why not?
3 They had Capt Donna Roguska lead the Internal Affairs investigation. She was Director of Communications that night and in charge.
4 They didn't interview Bill Cameron the Chief of Communications. Why not?
5 They refused to answer any questions after the Internal Affairs Investigation Report came out. Why not?
6 Their treatment of Ms Kowalski in blaming her for giving them "erroneous" information about the color of the car and the age of the victim.
7 They laid blame on Nextel being the problem and went to great lengths about discontinuing the use of Nextel when the only person who had a Nextel phone in the 9-1-1 center that night was Laurie Piatt, the supervisor patching radios. At least according to those who were interviewed. Who knows what Roguska and Cameron were using. They conveniently weren't interviewed.
8 The list of questions that went unasked in the investigation. For example "who was the 'he' in authority that Millie Stepp was asking direction from while on the phone with Ms Kowalski?" and "who was hollering at Millie when she was on the phone with Ms Kowalski?" These were clearly people in authority. Those people were never interviewed and it was never asked who they are. Also "why didn't Millie (the call taker) confirm with the dispatchers that they received her information and that it was sent out?" And "why weren't the 3 BOLOs sent across on the Teletype from North Port responded to?" And "why were the CCSO deputies in the field not looking for a green Camaro until after 6:45PM when the CCSO first received information over the Teletype about a green Camaro as early as 4:59PM?" And "during the shift change what information did the on duty supervisor give to the on-coming supervisor?" And "why wasn't the on coming squad of call takers and dispatchers made aware of the green Camaro and the 3 BOLOs?" The pass on log which they all initialed when they came in at 6:45PM doesn't mention anything about the green Camaro or the white pudgy guy. Why not? "Why were the CCSO deputies in the field so frustrated about not having any leads when there were clearly leads coming over the Teletype?" How could the supervisor, Laurie Piatt get away with a response of "I didn't know what was going on, I was patching radios, I mean, I knew Millie had a call but I really didn't know anything about it". She was the supervisor for goodness sakes. Where's the follow up of "why not? And why didn't you make it your business to find out why one of your call takers was standing up screaming across the room and find out why people were hollering at her?" I could go on but I'll stop for a while. Most likely I'll blog about it in a few days. If I do I'll warn you ahead of time that it's a rant on cover-up.
9 They won't open themselves up to an external investigation which you'd think they would. I mean, if there are no issues as they say and their dispatchers are excellent, you'd think an external investigation would exonerate them.
10 Biggest reason! the North Port Police Department had to "request" information on Ms Kowalski's call on Saturday, the same day we found Denise's body. 3 days. When the CCSO clearly knew according to their own I/A report the call referred to Denise as early as Thursday evening. Why? Why did the NPPD have to "request" information. Ms Kowalski was the last person to see Denise alive. She was a critical witness and we would NEVER have known about her or her call if she hadn't persistantly called the NPPD. The CCSO's treatment of her is an indictment itself.
God bless you, Jane. If you ever read this, please, know you are a true hero in my eyes and I'm so sorry if you've suffered in anyway for doing the right thing.
So, how do we move forward and work with this guy to clean up the mess? I can't trust a word he says because he's actually lied about my family during probably the worst times of our lives. His treatment of Nathan...... It's appalling and sickening.
IMO, Cameron's more of a politician than a sheriff. And it was obvious in 2008 that he puts politics before public safety.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Homicide Grief a year later
Last March while writing about homicide grief, my grief was still very raw. Now, a year later it's still raw. The biggest difference is I've seem to have come out of what I can only describe as a zombie phase. For many months after we lost Denise I was a zombie. I met people and attended fundraisers and was simply there. I didn't feel an active part of any of it. It was just all happening around me and I don't feel as if I contributed much other than my presence and of course, watching the babies.
I have hardened up some. I still cry quite often but not nearly as openly as I used to. I've become used to the newspaper articles and the news reels. Over this past New Years, one of the news reels proclaimed Denise's story to be "the saddest story of 2008" at least locally. And I didn't cry.
Well wait a minute. I take that back. I did cry. But I cried on the inside. I read somewhere someone describe homicide grief saying "it's as if you're bleeding on the inside" and that's so true. It's a perfect description.
I also read that you don't get over it, you simply adjust. Or maybe someone told me that. I can't remember. But that's basically true too.
Anyhow, I believe I've come out of that zombie phase. I feel that "fog" lifting. Maybe it's because the holidays are finally over. Maybe it's because it's been a year. I don't know.
But as far as the pain? It's still as raw as it was a year ago. I still feel as if "I'm bleeding on the inside". And maybe it's because I'm no longer in the zombie phase, I feel it all more keenly.
One of the best things about being out of the zombie phase is being able to recognize all the good people out there. So many people trying to help. So many who are willing to listen to me. Yes, there are those who are sick and tired of the story and wish the story would go away. The woman who said "well, at least now you know other people have problems too"....... Well, I know not to talk to her about it anymore. I don't think she intended to be mean, it just came out as being mean. Maybe I do talk about it too much. It certainly absorbs all my thoughts. The sad thing is, I wasn't even talking about Denise. I was talking about that poor unfortunate golf pro who's life ended so abruptly.
People say you are your thoughts. Hmmmm...... Well crap. No wonder I'm such a mess.
And it's not so much just this. It seems that every week something else happens. It's such a roller coaster. One day you feel maybe not elated but at least at peace and the next day you feel like someone stepped on you again.
So anyway I'm seeing things a bit more clearly now. And I believe that's a good thing.
So many people who experience tragedies like ours have turned their tragedies into positive changes and hopes for other victims in either preventing future tragedies or with helping the victims families.
On a local level, I look at people like the leader of our Parents of Murdered Children support group. And wow! How inspiring is she! To give of yourself month after month by being there for others. And believe me, no matter how tragic it all is, there is comfort in numbers. You don't wish tragedy on anyone and it saddens you to know there are others out there experiencing the raw pain you are but being able to have someone hug you that "truly understands" is the greatest gift. IMO. You have family and friends who love you more than anything, but you know they don't quite understand even though you know they want to. Anyhow, this support group she brought about in Charlotte County won't bring her son back. But in a way it does. In a spiritual sense it brings him back for her. She knows that if she wants to talk about him, cry about him or rage about what happened to him no one is going to minimalize her pain and say "get over it". So, anyway, she's doing something truly wonderful for other people. And I applaud her for it.
On a national level, of course, John Walsh has got to be one of the most inspiring individuals in the country if not the world. And still after 27 years he still cries over his little boy. And of course, there are so many others we all know about.
Look at Shawn Hornbeck's family. They never gave up hope and are now not only coping with mending their family, they too are reaching out to others offering support and comfort.
Turning tragedy and anger into positive hope for others.
Nathan, of course, has started the Denise Amber Lee Foundation which was inspired by the overwhelming support of our community. There was so much money raised for him and the babies. And he took a large chunk of it to start this foundation to bring about improvement in 9-1-1 centers. It was his way of giving back to a community that gave us so much. And he wants to reach out to other families who have experienced similar tragedies. What a dragon he's taking on. It hasn't been easy for Nathan to continually put his pain on display in the media. But he knows Denise's story and other stories need to be heard. Mark has been spending hours and hours researching 9-1-1 issues and is in contact with 9-1-1 industry people on a daily basis offering help where he can. Mark does the research and Nate goes on shows and speaks.
What I'm trying to figure out now that I'm out of my zombie phase, is where am I going and what am I going to do to help bring positive hope and light to others. I don't know.
I do know that I'm only a support player in this tragedy. It's Nathan and Denise's story and I just have a support role. And maybe that's what I need to continue doing. Just being here, supporting, loving, holding the family together, and watching the babies!
I did delve pretty heavily into the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office 9-1-1 debacle. I still believe it was a cover up or intended to be a cover up. Why else wouldn't they have contacted the NPPD about the call? I'll never give up in the battle of exposing what they tried to do. So, sadly, you'll continue to see blogs on that. As a matter of fact, I haven't blogged on it in a few days so you may see a blog on it shortly. I figure the more I post the story on the internet, the more people will find out about it. Maybe someone, somewhere in Florida politics will actually care and do something about it. Doubtful but I have to try.
So next blog "Why I think there was a cover-up in the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office".
Anyhow, thanks for listening again! Much peace and love to all.
I have hardened up some. I still cry quite often but not nearly as openly as I used to. I've become used to the newspaper articles and the news reels. Over this past New Years, one of the news reels proclaimed Denise's story to be "the saddest story of 2008" at least locally. And I didn't cry.
Well wait a minute. I take that back. I did cry. But I cried on the inside. I read somewhere someone describe homicide grief saying "it's as if you're bleeding on the inside" and that's so true. It's a perfect description.
I also read that you don't get over it, you simply adjust. Or maybe someone told me that. I can't remember. But that's basically true too.
Anyhow, I believe I've come out of that zombie phase. I feel that "fog" lifting. Maybe it's because the holidays are finally over. Maybe it's because it's been a year. I don't know.
But as far as the pain? It's still as raw as it was a year ago. I still feel as if "I'm bleeding on the inside". And maybe it's because I'm no longer in the zombie phase, I feel it all more keenly.
One of the best things about being out of the zombie phase is being able to recognize all the good people out there. So many people trying to help. So many who are willing to listen to me. Yes, there are those who are sick and tired of the story and wish the story would go away. The woman who said "well, at least now you know other people have problems too"....... Well, I know not to talk to her about it anymore. I don't think she intended to be mean, it just came out as being mean. Maybe I do talk about it too much. It certainly absorbs all my thoughts. The sad thing is, I wasn't even talking about Denise. I was talking about that poor unfortunate golf pro who's life ended so abruptly.
People say you are your thoughts. Hmmmm...... Well crap. No wonder I'm such a mess.
And it's not so much just this. It seems that every week something else happens. It's such a roller coaster. One day you feel maybe not elated but at least at peace and the next day you feel like someone stepped on you again.
So anyway I'm seeing things a bit more clearly now. And I believe that's a good thing.
So many people who experience tragedies like ours have turned their tragedies into positive changes and hopes for other victims in either preventing future tragedies or with helping the victims families.
On a local level, I look at people like the leader of our Parents of Murdered Children support group. And wow! How inspiring is she! To give of yourself month after month by being there for others. And believe me, no matter how tragic it all is, there is comfort in numbers. You don't wish tragedy on anyone and it saddens you to know there are others out there experiencing the raw pain you are but being able to have someone hug you that "truly understands" is the greatest gift. IMO. You have family and friends who love you more than anything, but you know they don't quite understand even though you know they want to. Anyhow, this support group she brought about in Charlotte County won't bring her son back. But in a way it does. In a spiritual sense it brings him back for her. She knows that if she wants to talk about him, cry about him or rage about what happened to him no one is going to minimalize her pain and say "get over it". So, anyway, she's doing something truly wonderful for other people. And I applaud her for it.
On a national level, of course, John Walsh has got to be one of the most inspiring individuals in the country if not the world. And still after 27 years he still cries over his little boy. And of course, there are so many others we all know about.
Look at Shawn Hornbeck's family. They never gave up hope and are now not only coping with mending their family, they too are reaching out to others offering support and comfort.
Turning tragedy and anger into positive hope for others.
Nathan, of course, has started the Denise Amber Lee Foundation which was inspired by the overwhelming support of our community. There was so much money raised for him and the babies. And he took a large chunk of it to start this foundation to bring about improvement in 9-1-1 centers. It was his way of giving back to a community that gave us so much. And he wants to reach out to other families who have experienced similar tragedies. What a dragon he's taking on. It hasn't been easy for Nathan to continually put his pain on display in the media. But he knows Denise's story and other stories need to be heard. Mark has been spending hours and hours researching 9-1-1 issues and is in contact with 9-1-1 industry people on a daily basis offering help where he can. Mark does the research and Nate goes on shows and speaks.
What I'm trying to figure out now that I'm out of my zombie phase, is where am I going and what am I going to do to help bring positive hope and light to others. I don't know.
I do know that I'm only a support player in this tragedy. It's Nathan and Denise's story and I just have a support role. And maybe that's what I need to continue doing. Just being here, supporting, loving, holding the family together, and watching the babies!
I did delve pretty heavily into the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office 9-1-1 debacle. I still believe it was a cover up or intended to be a cover up. Why else wouldn't they have contacted the NPPD about the call? I'll never give up in the battle of exposing what they tried to do. So, sadly, you'll continue to see blogs on that. As a matter of fact, I haven't blogged on it in a few days so you may see a blog on it shortly. I figure the more I post the story on the internet, the more people will find out about it. Maybe someone, somewhere in Florida politics will actually care and do something about it. Doubtful but I have to try.
So next blog "Why I think there was a cover-up in the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office".
Anyhow, thanks for listening again! Much peace and love to all.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
When bad things happen
Today there was an article in the Charlotte Sun discussing Sheriff John Davenport retiring after 31 years of service. See my thoughts at end of article.
http://www.sunnewspapers.net/articles/pnnews.aspx?NewsID=429345&a=newsarchive2/010409/ch2.htm&pnpg=0
Sheriff Davenport wraps up 31 year career
CHARLOTTE COUNTY -- John Davenport has never been one to seek attention.
He joined the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office 31 years ago as just another face in the crowd.
And that's how he wants to leave.
Davenport will retire from the agency this week without a party or the usual fanfare that follows a career law enforcement man.
"I have never felt very comfortable having the spotlight shined upon me, whether it be for good or bad," Davenport wrote in an e-mail to his staff last month. (He declined to be interviewed for this story.) "All I ever wanted was to do my job, do it well and leave it at that. I feel confident I have accomplished my goal."
Colleagues described Davenport as the quiet leader -- one who could restore calm from chaos.
"There was something very steady about John," said Sheriff-elect Bill Cameron, who will be sworn in Tuesday. "He's going to be missed."
Davenport, 56, was hired in 1978 as a jailer (which now would be a corrections officer).
Within a year, the New York native was promoted to jail commander, although it was anything but a desk job.
Every week, Davenport retrieved food supplies in town for the jail population, which rarely exceeded 20 bodies. In addition, he regularly drove inmates to court.
In 1989, Davenport became a district commander, where he remained four years before being put in charge of communications. His ascension through the ranks continued in 1995, when he was named chief deputy under then-sheriff Richard Worch.
In 2001, Davenport returned as jail commander. The move was temporary, as Cameron named Davenport second-in-command upon his appointment by former Gov. Jeb Bush two years later.
Davenport ran for sheriff in 2004, as Cameron agreed not to seek office as a condition of his appointment. Davenport won the general election with roughly 72 percent of the vote.
However, his rise to the top didn't change the way he approached the job, friends say.
A man of strict routine, Davenport began each morning inside a gym. Like clockwork, he would be seated at his desk at 6:30 a.m., answering e-mails and outlining his day with meticulous detail.
"John is probably the most disciplined person I've meet," said Maj. Dan Libby.
During his career, Davenport started the civilian police academy, the GED program at the jail, and DARE within the school district.
He spent many hours at the elementary schools reading to children. And he never missed a DARE graduation.
"He took a personal interest in the school system," said Dave Gayler, Charlotte County Public Schools superintendent.
That interest in others carried over to work, where Davenport was known to bring in deputies and, at times, inmates, unofficially, to ask about things and about how the agency could improve.
Off the clock, he mentored a girl through her entire school career as a volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters.
"He truly set the example for civic leadership," Libby said.
Despite these accomplishments, Davenport also will be remembered for the agency's internal investigation of a 911 call in the Denise Amber Lee murder case.
The 21-year-old North Port woman was kidnapped and murdered Jan. 17, 2008. Earlier that evening, Charlotte County dispatchers received a call from a witness who reported seeing what appeared to be a child slapping the back window of a Chevrolet Camaro stopped at a traffic light.
Two dispatchers were suspended and required to complete remedial training, but the measures haven't eased family concerns.
Davenport said he has moved on, and Cameron declined to comment.
In retirement, Davenport plans to remain in Charlotte County for another year before selling his house. The goal is to move to upstate New York, where he owns 27 acres.
Once there, he plans to remain anonymous.
"Hunting, the outdoors and solitude have always been my passion, and I now hope to live out that passion as a reward for 31 years of service," he said in the office memo.
E-mail: jwitz@sun-herald.com
By JASON WITZ
Staff Writer
I have very mixed feelings about the article. Apparently John Davenport has worked hard these past 31 years and much of his work is indeed commendable. I respect him for so many years of service.
I find it sad, however, that at the end of his career just when he was getting ready to retire that our 9-1-1 center not only failed Denise but it failed him, too. Those persons directly responsible for the mistakes in the 9-1-1 center that night let so many people down.
And, he, John Davenport "not wanting to ruin anyone elses lives" (his words not mine) didn't nearly reprimand certain people they way he should have. Some he chose not to reprimand at all. He then chose to try and sweep it under the rug so that his second in command, Bill Cameron, communication's chief that night could get elected. He issued a convoluted I/A report where so many questions weren't asked and then said we have no issues because the FDLE (Florida Department of Law Enforcement) oversaw the entire investigation. A complete all out lie. The FDLE sat in on very little of it and didn't ask a single question.
That's sad. After 31 years of service, most of it commendable, instead of retiring with the honor he should have, his career has been tainted by this travesty.
But, you know, it's his own doing. He chose to sweep it under the rug and deem it nothing more than a "missed opportunity". He chose to endorse Bill Cameron without addressing the issues that night.
If only he had come clean and explained what happened, how it happened, why it happened and how they were going to fix the problems, I wouldn't be writing this today.
I'm glad he can "move on". At least someone can. Bill Cameron is not going to be able to because we will not let this rest.
I'll never stop asking "why didn't your department let the NPPD know about Kowalski's call as soon as it happened?" "Why didn't your department follow up with Ms Kowalski?" "Why wasn't Cameron, Roguska and others interviewed in the Internal Affairs investigation?" "What else went wrong on your watch that we don't know about?" "Why wouldn't you help our family in getting past these issues and help us move on?"
So, move on, Sheriff Davenport. I'm glad someone can.
I commend you for your service to Charlotte County. I'm disappointed that you wouldn't fix or address the blatant problems in our 9-1-1 center this past year. And you had the audacity to run a campaign for a man (Bill Cameron) who publicly stated during his campaign "we have excellent dispatchers" and "our 9-1-1 center has no issues."
Sadly, it seems to me you are retiring more as a politician than as a public servant.
PS I speak for myself and as to my feelings and for no one else. But, I'm sure there are many who feel the same.
http://www.sunnewspapers.net/articles/pnnews.aspx?NewsID=429345&a=newsarchive2/010409/ch2.htm&pnpg=0
Sheriff Davenport wraps up 31 year career
CHARLOTTE COUNTY -- John Davenport has never been one to seek attention.
He joined the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office 31 years ago as just another face in the crowd.
And that's how he wants to leave.
Davenport will retire from the agency this week without a party or the usual fanfare that follows a career law enforcement man.
"I have never felt very comfortable having the spotlight shined upon me, whether it be for good or bad," Davenport wrote in an e-mail to his staff last month. (He declined to be interviewed for this story.) "All I ever wanted was to do my job, do it well and leave it at that. I feel confident I have accomplished my goal."
Colleagues described Davenport as the quiet leader -- one who could restore calm from chaos.
"There was something very steady about John," said Sheriff-elect Bill Cameron, who will be sworn in Tuesday. "He's going to be missed."
Davenport, 56, was hired in 1978 as a jailer (which now would be a corrections officer).
Within a year, the New York native was promoted to jail commander, although it was anything but a desk job.
Every week, Davenport retrieved food supplies in town for the jail population, which rarely exceeded 20 bodies. In addition, he regularly drove inmates to court.
In 1989, Davenport became a district commander, where he remained four years before being put in charge of communications. His ascension through the ranks continued in 1995, when he was named chief deputy under then-sheriff Richard Worch.
In 2001, Davenport returned as jail commander. The move was temporary, as Cameron named Davenport second-in-command upon his appointment by former Gov. Jeb Bush two years later.
Davenport ran for sheriff in 2004, as Cameron agreed not to seek office as a condition of his appointment. Davenport won the general election with roughly 72 percent of the vote.
However, his rise to the top didn't change the way he approached the job, friends say.
A man of strict routine, Davenport began each morning inside a gym. Like clockwork, he would be seated at his desk at 6:30 a.m., answering e-mails and outlining his day with meticulous detail.
"John is probably the most disciplined person I've meet," said Maj. Dan Libby.
During his career, Davenport started the civilian police academy, the GED program at the jail, and DARE within the school district.
He spent many hours at the elementary schools reading to children. And he never missed a DARE graduation.
"He took a personal interest in the school system," said Dave Gayler, Charlotte County Public Schools superintendent.
That interest in others carried over to work, where Davenport was known to bring in deputies and, at times, inmates, unofficially, to ask about things and about how the agency could improve.
Off the clock, he mentored a girl through her entire school career as a volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters.
"He truly set the example for civic leadership," Libby said.
Despite these accomplishments, Davenport also will be remembered for the agency's internal investigation of a 911 call in the Denise Amber Lee murder case.
The 21-year-old North Port woman was kidnapped and murdered Jan. 17, 2008. Earlier that evening, Charlotte County dispatchers received a call from a witness who reported seeing what appeared to be a child slapping the back window of a Chevrolet Camaro stopped at a traffic light.
Two dispatchers were suspended and required to complete remedial training, but the measures haven't eased family concerns.
Davenport said he has moved on, and Cameron declined to comment.
In retirement, Davenport plans to remain in Charlotte County for another year before selling his house. The goal is to move to upstate New York, where he owns 27 acres.
Once there, he plans to remain anonymous.
"Hunting, the outdoors and solitude have always been my passion, and I now hope to live out that passion as a reward for 31 years of service," he said in the office memo.
E-mail: jwitz@sun-herald.com
By JASON WITZ
Staff Writer
I have very mixed feelings about the article. Apparently John Davenport has worked hard these past 31 years and much of his work is indeed commendable. I respect him for so many years of service.
I find it sad, however, that at the end of his career just when he was getting ready to retire that our 9-1-1 center not only failed Denise but it failed him, too. Those persons directly responsible for the mistakes in the 9-1-1 center that night let so many people down.
And, he, John Davenport "not wanting to ruin anyone elses lives" (his words not mine) didn't nearly reprimand certain people they way he should have. Some he chose not to reprimand at all. He then chose to try and sweep it under the rug so that his second in command, Bill Cameron, communication's chief that night could get elected. He issued a convoluted I/A report where so many questions weren't asked and then said we have no issues because the FDLE (Florida Department of Law Enforcement) oversaw the entire investigation. A complete all out lie. The FDLE sat in on very little of it and didn't ask a single question.
That's sad. After 31 years of service, most of it commendable, instead of retiring with the honor he should have, his career has been tainted by this travesty.
But, you know, it's his own doing. He chose to sweep it under the rug and deem it nothing more than a "missed opportunity". He chose to endorse Bill Cameron without addressing the issues that night.
If only he had come clean and explained what happened, how it happened, why it happened and how they were going to fix the problems, I wouldn't be writing this today.
I'm glad he can "move on". At least someone can. Bill Cameron is not going to be able to because we will not let this rest.
I'll never stop asking "why didn't your department let the NPPD know about Kowalski's call as soon as it happened?" "Why didn't your department follow up with Ms Kowalski?" "Why wasn't Cameron, Roguska and others interviewed in the Internal Affairs investigation?" "What else went wrong on your watch that we don't know about?" "Why wouldn't you help our family in getting past these issues and help us move on?"
So, move on, Sheriff Davenport. I'm glad someone can.
I commend you for your service to Charlotte County. I'm disappointed that you wouldn't fix or address the blatant problems in our 9-1-1 center this past year. And you had the audacity to run a campaign for a man (Bill Cameron) who publicly stated during his campaign "we have excellent dispatchers" and "our 9-1-1 center has no issues."
Sadly, it seems to me you are retiring more as a politician than as a public servant.
PS I speak for myself and as to my feelings and for no one else. But, I'm sure there are many who feel the same.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Christmas 2008
Gosh, amazingly we got through it! And it went much MUCH better than we thought it would. The week leading up to Christmas was stressful, but that's not unusual.
Women + Christmas = Stress
Anyhow, Brian came home the week before Christmas and this time we got to spend gobs of time with him. That was truly nice and special. He's grown so much in the past year. Living out on his own has been good for him. I imagine it's had it's difficulties too. Especially considering he gained 15 pounds while home in less than a week! As a mom, it makes me think that maybe he's not eating!!! Anyhow, I honestly believe every mom needs a son like Brian especially while going through menopause and emotional difficulties. He really centers me and reminds me when to take deep breaths etc.... He's also not afraid to tell me I talk too much. And he does it in such a way as to not hurt my feelings. That's a great gift.
Nathan worked throughout the holiday. Working retail at Best Buy and then also playing trumpet in the Venice Symphony and at church. So between rehearsals and work, we didn't see much of Nate until Christmas Day when he surprised Mark and I with some truly wonderful gifts. A sunset cruise dinner out of Sarasota!!! A new monitor for the computer!!! (We discussed in an earlier blog about old TVs dimming until there was just a dot! Well, our old monitor was starting to look like an Etch A Sketch with missing pixels.) And a humongous flat screen television set! It was the first I'd seen Mark genuinely smile in weeks. He was trying not too. Saying "too much money....." and so on but I could tell he was pleased.
Noah and Adam? Santa and their grandparents spoiled them rotten....... That's all I can say! Noah was fascinated that we had an "old" tree. I think he thought it was old because it was "real". His other grandparents (the Goffs) and Nathan have fake trees. So Noah saw ours and said "grandma have old tree?" "grandma tree dirty?" Well, I have to admit it wasn't the largest tree on the block but it wasn't necessarily a Charlie Brown tree either. Then Noah started getting into it. Look up through the bottom at the lights, putting his hand in the tree water, fingering all the various whimsical ornaments.
Adam? What was he doing? He was being a human metronome. Trust me. I can't describe in words. You'd have to see it to believe it.
Christmas Eve Brian roasted the most amazing goose stuffed with fried apples and oranges. It was a feast. Noah was thrilled to be eating goose. And during the meal out of the blue actually yelled "I'm happy, grandma!" and then later nuzzled as close as he could and yelled "I LOVE YOU!" It was so cool. What was Adam doing through out all this, just smiling the way he does. Adam is starting to talk up a storm. He's echoing Noah now. And has learned several words.
After dinner, Brian, Noah, Adam and I took a walk to see the Christmas lights on our street. Adam enjoyed that. Gosh. He just takes off if you let him.
So Christmas went well. I missed my family up north. Mark missed his brother. We all missed Denise, of course. But when you watch Noah and Adam you see Denise everywhere. She's never far away when they're around. They both have an impish smile that's pure Denise.
On Christmas night Mark and I had to drive Brian back to Tampa. That was actually nice. Brian turned us onto "Delilah" on the radio. I felt like we were in the movie Sleepless In Seattle. I think Mark enjoyed it too. Just peace and Christmas carols. She was a little overfond of "the Little Drummer Boy" but... what the hey.
Miss you already, Brian! Come home soon!
Women + Christmas = Stress
Anyhow, Brian came home the week before Christmas and this time we got to spend gobs of time with him. That was truly nice and special. He's grown so much in the past year. Living out on his own has been good for him. I imagine it's had it's difficulties too. Especially considering he gained 15 pounds while home in less than a week! As a mom, it makes me think that maybe he's not eating!!! Anyhow, I honestly believe every mom needs a son like Brian especially while going through menopause and emotional difficulties. He really centers me and reminds me when to take deep breaths etc.... He's also not afraid to tell me I talk too much. And he does it in such a way as to not hurt my feelings. That's a great gift.
Nathan worked throughout the holiday. Working retail at Best Buy and then also playing trumpet in the Venice Symphony and at church. So between rehearsals and work, we didn't see much of Nate until Christmas Day when he surprised Mark and I with some truly wonderful gifts. A sunset cruise dinner out of Sarasota!!! A new monitor for the computer!!! (We discussed in an earlier blog about old TVs dimming until there was just a dot! Well, our old monitor was starting to look like an Etch A Sketch with missing pixels.) And a humongous flat screen television set! It was the first I'd seen Mark genuinely smile in weeks. He was trying not too. Saying "too much money....." and so on but I could tell he was pleased.
Noah and Adam? Santa and their grandparents spoiled them rotten....... That's all I can say! Noah was fascinated that we had an "old" tree. I think he thought it was old because it was "real". His other grandparents (the Goffs) and Nathan have fake trees. So Noah saw ours and said "grandma have old tree?" "grandma tree dirty?" Well, I have to admit it wasn't the largest tree on the block but it wasn't necessarily a Charlie Brown tree either. Then Noah started getting into it. Look up through the bottom at the lights, putting his hand in the tree water, fingering all the various whimsical ornaments.
Adam? What was he doing? He was being a human metronome. Trust me. I can't describe in words. You'd have to see it to believe it.
Christmas Eve Brian roasted the most amazing goose stuffed with fried apples and oranges. It was a feast. Noah was thrilled to be eating goose. And during the meal out of the blue actually yelled "I'm happy, grandma!" and then later nuzzled as close as he could and yelled "I LOVE YOU!" It was so cool. What was Adam doing through out all this, just smiling the way he does. Adam is starting to talk up a storm. He's echoing Noah now. And has learned several words.
After dinner, Brian, Noah, Adam and I took a walk to see the Christmas lights on our street. Adam enjoyed that. Gosh. He just takes off if you let him.
So Christmas went well. I missed my family up north. Mark missed his brother. We all missed Denise, of course. But when you watch Noah and Adam you see Denise everywhere. She's never far away when they're around. They both have an impish smile that's pure Denise.
On Christmas night Mark and I had to drive Brian back to Tampa. That was actually nice. Brian turned us onto "Delilah" on the radio. I felt like we were in the movie Sleepless In Seattle. I think Mark enjoyed it too. Just peace and Christmas carols. She was a little overfond of "the Little Drummer Boy" but... what the hey.
Miss you already, Brian! Come home soon!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
April 4, 2008
This is also from my myspace page. I blogged this last April. I promise no more blogs from over myspace. I know it's confusing but I wanted them over here since I find it easier to blog here. But for those who want to know more about homicide grief, I think this is a good interesting read.
Homicide grief
Current mood: thoughtful
sigh
I thought I’d write a few notes about what I’m experiencing grieving for Denise and how different it is than any other grief I’ve known. I’ve lost some very dear people in my life but this is so very VERY different. If anything, I hope this blog entry will help my family, friends and others to understand what we’re going through. It may help you in finding what to say, what not to say, etc... I know it’s been difficult for all of you as well. Heck, I know I wouldn’t know what to say. Also, I hope not to offend anyone. You all have been wonderful. And you can’t hurt me. While experiencing the hurt that that SOB has inflicted on me and my family, I don’t think anyone could do or say anything to hurt me again. So, if I seem mad at you. No. I’m probably not. I’m mad at him.
The hardest part about being a homicide survivor so far is remembering Denise. I think of her constantly throughout the day. I can’t help it. I see her everywhere. And when I see her she’s ALWAYS smiling. But you know what? As soon as her image is conjured up in my mind, I start crying inside and thinking about what that evil SOB did to her. I can’t stop myself. His evil continually intrudes into my memory of her. Then the horrors of what she may have suffered comes flooding in. And let me tell you, it’s a battle. It’s a MAJOR BATTLE fighting that SOB’s evil that’s continually intruding into our family and making us miserable. I’m afraid evil will win in the end if he continues to intrude into my memories. So I fight him. All day long, I fight him. I’m fighting him now, while writing this. I’ve read extensively on this, and I’m finding that this isn’t unusual for homicide survivors.
I don’t know how the rest of my family is dealing with their grief work. I know we’re all different. We don’t talk about it very often. What’s there to talk about? We do talk about Denise and we share our memories of her.
Counseling. How do I feel about counseling. sigh. That’s a tough one. IMHO counseling can be good or bad. It can really help you or really hurt you. I’ve been helped in the past and I’ve been destroyed in the past by counseling. sigh. Nathan, of course, is seeing somebody who’s a psychologist trained in this. His psychologist is an ex-cop which IMHO is a very good thing. He understands this kind of tragedy.
I’m so afraid I’m going to get someone not experienced in this. I don’t want someone who doesn’t understand the deep, dark, ugly anger and anguish. The horrific nightmares etc.... I afraid I’m going to get someone who will spout butterflies, and positive thinking and who will want to put me on meds. I don’t want someone telling to look at the positives. I KNOW what the positives are. Nathan and the babies being alive are the positives. If Nathan had gotten home a half an hour earlier, he’d be dead. If Denise wasn’t the smart, brave, and courageous woman she was, we would have lost the babies too! I know the positives of Mark and I reconciling long before this happened. Thank God, we’re together and have never loved each other more! The positives of our families who have been so wonderful and loving. Friends so loyal and so very very generous. And a community that came together and recognized a good family when they saw one. They recognized that Nathan and Denise were just a loving couple trying to raise a loving family. I know God loves me and my family (altho’ it’s questionable to me right now but, hey, something like this makes a person wonder!). I know I need to forgive and move on. So, I don’t want to hear any of that. I want someone who will help me fight my battle against evil. I want someone to help me fight for my family’s survival. I know we can do it. I know we will. I also want someone who will accept my anger and say something like "dang straight! You oughta be angry! That guy robbed you of something more precious than gold!"
The nightmares are horrific. I won’t share mine. They are very disturbing and trust me, you don’t want to know them. Suffice to say, they graphic, bloody and there’s always a death occuring. Oddly, not Denise’s. Other people who I love and cherish die.
We’re all having nightmares. And that sux because aren’t our lives sucky enough? Does life have to be sucky while we’re sleeping too?
So I’m finding support in a support group run by POMC. Parents Of Murdered Children. Wow. That put things in perspective. Sitting there with parents, just like me, who have lost there children to homicide. I can’t go on anymore, writing this stuff. It’s very difficult. But I’m so thankful for all the love and support we’ve been receiving. I can’t help but think of all the homicides that happen daily and how those families are coping. They don’t receive near the support we received. And their pain is no less than ours. I’ve read this type of grief can last years and years and for some a lifetime. God bless all those families.
I would like to ask one thing and that’s not to ask us too many questions. To be quite honest, we’re not sure what we’re doing. We’re new at this. Just know, we’re doing the best we can.
"How are you?" is all you need to say and ask. Asking things like "when are the kids starting daycare?" "are you receiving counseling?" "are you going to church?" "are the kids receiving the help and care they need?" (yes, someone actually asked me that) These aren’t good questions to ask. These aren’t anybody’s business.We understand that you’re concerned and only wanting to help but these kind of questions can hurt unknowingly. Sometimes it seems as if those people who ask these questions are questioning our ability to parent and be grandparents. Like I said though, I know you’re just trying to help. And we’re just way too sensitive. You know we love you and appreciate you.
Also just ot let you know, I’m going to go underground a while. We’ve been pretty visible in the past couple of months and I’m still going to go to the public functions. I want so much to give to the community the support they’ve given me. But, I need time to heal. Presently Mark and I are spending as much time with Nathan, Noah, and Adam as we can. Seeing Brian is always a bonus, he’s ALWAYS so busy! (Aside to Brian: I love you and miss you. Please come home soon!)
With peace and love,
Peggy
Homicide grief
Current mood: thoughtful
sigh
I thought I’d write a few notes about what I’m experiencing grieving for Denise and how different it is than any other grief I’ve known. I’ve lost some very dear people in my life but this is so very VERY different. If anything, I hope this blog entry will help my family, friends and others to understand what we’re going through. It may help you in finding what to say, what not to say, etc... I know it’s been difficult for all of you as well. Heck, I know I wouldn’t know what to say. Also, I hope not to offend anyone. You all have been wonderful. And you can’t hurt me. While experiencing the hurt that that SOB has inflicted on me and my family, I don’t think anyone could do or say anything to hurt me again. So, if I seem mad at you. No. I’m probably not. I’m mad at him.
The hardest part about being a homicide survivor so far is remembering Denise. I think of her constantly throughout the day. I can’t help it. I see her everywhere. And when I see her she’s ALWAYS smiling. But you know what? As soon as her image is conjured up in my mind, I start crying inside and thinking about what that evil SOB did to her. I can’t stop myself. His evil continually intrudes into my memory of her. Then the horrors of what she may have suffered comes flooding in. And let me tell you, it’s a battle. It’s a MAJOR BATTLE fighting that SOB’s evil that’s continually intruding into our family and making us miserable. I’m afraid evil will win in the end if he continues to intrude into my memories. So I fight him. All day long, I fight him. I’m fighting him now, while writing this. I’ve read extensively on this, and I’m finding that this isn’t unusual for homicide survivors.
I don’t know how the rest of my family is dealing with their grief work. I know we’re all different. We don’t talk about it very often. What’s there to talk about? We do talk about Denise and we share our memories of her.
Counseling. How do I feel about counseling. sigh. That’s a tough one. IMHO counseling can be good or bad. It can really help you or really hurt you. I’ve been helped in the past and I’ve been destroyed in the past by counseling. sigh. Nathan, of course, is seeing somebody who’s a psychologist trained in this. His psychologist is an ex-cop which IMHO is a very good thing. He understands this kind of tragedy.
I’m so afraid I’m going to get someone not experienced in this. I don’t want someone who doesn’t understand the deep, dark, ugly anger and anguish. The horrific nightmares etc.... I afraid I’m going to get someone who will spout butterflies, and positive thinking and who will want to put me on meds. I don’t want someone telling to look at the positives. I KNOW what the positives are. Nathan and the babies being alive are the positives. If Nathan had gotten home a half an hour earlier, he’d be dead. If Denise wasn’t the smart, brave, and courageous woman she was, we would have lost the babies too! I know the positives of Mark and I reconciling long before this happened. Thank God, we’re together and have never loved each other more! The positives of our families who have been so wonderful and loving. Friends so loyal and so very very generous. And a community that came together and recognized a good family when they saw one. They recognized that Nathan and Denise were just a loving couple trying to raise a loving family. I know God loves me and my family (altho’ it’s questionable to me right now but, hey, something like this makes a person wonder!). I know I need to forgive and move on. So, I don’t want to hear any of that. I want someone who will help me fight my battle against evil. I want someone to help me fight for my family’s survival. I know we can do it. I know we will. I also want someone who will accept my anger and say something like "dang straight! You oughta be angry! That guy robbed you of something more precious than gold!"
The nightmares are horrific. I won’t share mine. They are very disturbing and trust me, you don’t want to know them. Suffice to say, they graphic, bloody and there’s always a death occuring. Oddly, not Denise’s. Other people who I love and cherish die.
We’re all having nightmares. And that sux because aren’t our lives sucky enough? Does life have to be sucky while we’re sleeping too?
So I’m finding support in a support group run by POMC. Parents Of Murdered Children. Wow. That put things in perspective. Sitting there with parents, just like me, who have lost there children to homicide. I can’t go on anymore, writing this stuff. It’s very difficult. But I’m so thankful for all the love and support we’ve been receiving. I can’t help but think of all the homicides that happen daily and how those families are coping. They don’t receive near the support we received. And their pain is no less than ours. I’ve read this type of grief can last years and years and for some a lifetime. God bless all those families.
I would like to ask one thing and that’s not to ask us too many questions. To be quite honest, we’re not sure what we’re doing. We’re new at this. Just know, we’re doing the best we can.
"How are you?" is all you need to say and ask. Asking things like "when are the kids starting daycare?" "are you receiving counseling?" "are you going to church?" "are the kids receiving the help and care they need?" (yes, someone actually asked me that) These aren’t good questions to ask. These aren’t anybody’s business.We understand that you’re concerned and only wanting to help but these kind of questions can hurt unknowingly. Sometimes it seems as if those people who ask these questions are questioning our ability to parent and be grandparents. Like I said though, I know you’re just trying to help. And we’re just way too sensitive. You know we love you and appreciate you.
Also just ot let you know, I’m going to go underground a while. We’ve been pretty visible in the past couple of months and I’m still going to go to the public functions. I want so much to give to the community the support they’ve given me. But, I need time to heal. Presently Mark and I are spending as much time with Nathan, Noah, and Adam as we can. Seeing Brian is always a bonus, he’s ALWAYS so busy! (Aside to Brian: I love you and miss you. Please come home soon!)
With peace and love,
Peggy
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