printed in both blogs
Trials. What can I even say. My feelings? My feelings can be pretty much summoned up in one word.
Dread.
There are other feelings but if I were looking for one word to define my feelings, dread would be it.
I simply feel sick about it. Our trial is scheduled to begin August 17th.
If I've been mum for a while it's because there isn't much to say. Other than it's an awful feeling.
Tomorrow people will be celebrating Memorial Day. People will be cooking out and playing horseshoes. We used to do that. I just can't.
Memorial Day is about dead men and women who gave their lives for our country. Now instead of thinking about "cooking out" all I can think about is how people lost loved ones in horrific ways.
I still don't think anyone could die as horrifically as Denise did. But I guess people do.
It's hard not to think about the Jessica Lunsfords and the Carlie Brucias. I simply don't understand how someone can torture and kill (I consider rape a torture worse than waterboarding) such young innocents. It's just beyond understanding.
Okay, so I'm being very morbid on a Sunday morning. Now you know why I haven't written anything in a while. My thoughts are ugly and sad. I'm truly dreading the upcoming trial. I can't help crying thinking about it.
I do have some good moments. Yesterday, we had Adam for some one on one time. He's so precious. Mark's mom expressed regret that Denise was not here to see him grow. Well, I believe she is here and she is watching him grow. What I find sad is that Noah and Adam are missing out on having her here. They never really and never will have an opportunity to know her other than through our memories. They'll never experience her laugh. They'll never experience her joy and tenderness again.
They have been quite simply robbed.
You can see it in Noah's face. He has been especially robbed and he really misses her. He talks about death now around us. He knows now, I believe, that she's not coming back. He's handles it very stoically. And you can see how he's trying to adjust. He has his joyful moments too. And I believe he has more joyful moments than sad. I think now that he knows for sure she's not coming back he's actually doing a bit better. But it's hard for him. He has a million questions. He's only 3.
It makes you wonder if the alleged perpetrator could be put on trial for robbery as well. Because he really did rob us. I mean he ROBBED US. Especially Nathan and the boys.
I'll stop. I'm just not looking forward to the trial and I wanted to jot down why I haven't been writing much.
I really need to get to one of those meetings for Parents of Murdered Children. I think I should try the one in Sarasota. hmmm... we'll see. I'm just sick thinking about it.
I guess we should focus on the positive. The positive being the help and support we want to give to the 9-1-1 industry so that what happened that night with the blown chances of saving Denise in the 9-1-1 center doesn't happen to another family.
Two things could have saved Denise that night. 1.) Certification and standards for the 9-1-1 call taker and dispatchers. They had the training and they had the technology but they weren't using either appropriately. And 2.) cell phone location. Denise made a 9-1-1 call that lasted seven minute and had we been using GPS technology we could have found her.
Would she have been damaged? Yes. But she'd still be with us. I feel unbelievably strong about that.
sigh
Added edit: I just finished watching the PBS special concert for Memorial Day. It helped put things in perspective. I do hope sincerely that any one who is reading this and may have lost a loved one in one of our wars knows my heart and prayers are with you. And that I didn't mean any disrespect. God bless you with much love and peace.
Showing posts with label Jessica Lunsford. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jessica Lunsford. Show all posts
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Nathan Lee's speech at CalNENA San Diego, CA
I'm so very very proud of him. Just before his speech they showed a video of his and Denise's story. Practically everybody was crying. Including Nathan who just before his speech had to wipe his eyes. The video received a standing ovation! Mark said that during the speech Nathan was very emotional and had to hold back tears several times. He received a standing ovation at the end as well! After the speech everyone was hugging him and congratulating him. The legislators that were there want to help guide us and are giving us copies of their laws. They've been wonderful. Denise must've been smiling down on Nathan and giving him heart. She'd be so proud of him...........
BTW Mark wrote the speech.
Here's it is:
CalNENA Speech 2009
Good morning everyone.
I want to first say how honored I am to be asked to speak to this group of dedicated public servants.
In my eyes, you truly are the first line of defense for our Homeland Security.
What I would like to talk about today is to first tell you about the Denise Amber Lee Foundation that I started in honor and memory of my wonderful wife and second;
I would like to challenge your thinking on a different way to bring about changes and improvements to your industry.
There are 4 of us from the foundation here this week for the conference.
We hope to target several gatherings like this, this year to learn as much as we can.
We are not experts by any stretch of the imagination.
But we are energized and intensely motivated to do whatever we can to prevent any other family from experiencing the pain and heartbreak that we have suffered.
The famous anthropologist, Margaret Mead, once said:
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
So we are here this week to talk to as many of you as possible, to take in the trade show and listen to how you feel we should best be focusing our efforts to make a difference.
As you saw in the introductory video, many opportunities were lost that day to save Denise.
It is not my intent to vilify an industry and a system that failed her that day.
Make no mistake about it; it was a monster named Michael King who murdered my wife.
But when you look closely at the procedural breakdowns and miscommunication of vital information that occurred in that one 9-1-1 Call Center in Florida that night, you can’t help but be outraged.
There is no doubt in my mind that Denise would be alive today if vital information wasn’t grossly mishandled that evening!
And, indeed, over the ensuing months after Denise’s death, we heard from thousands of people from around the world who were outraged.
Many of the most memorable letters and emails that we received were surprising to us, from people in this industry.
We could feel the genuine compassion in those letters for our tragic loss.
We received this touching email from Geoff Weiss, training supervisor for the San Diego Sheriff’s Department.
He wrote....... “Last Thursday I taught my first class since last being in email contact with you.
Although the class was about an unrelated dispatch topic, as promised I took about 30 minutes of it to discuss the story of Denise.
I played the opening Dateline NBC 9 minute piece prior to going on our first break.
Later in the day, I finally played the conclusion..... Nate.... after the video finished I turned around to address my class of 31 dispatchers throughout the state of California and was struck by a chill of emotion as I saw half of them were in tears.
I walked back up to the front of the room, swallowed back the lump in my throat and said, “Remember why you took this job.
Remember what a critical role you play every day in public safety.”
Captain Josh Mindick Special Services Commander of the Boca Raton Florida Police Department wrote this......
“Mr. Lee, as a law enforcement professional, Commander of a 9-1-1 center, father, and husband, I watched Dateline NBC in a stoic silence.
I ordered every Telecommunicator, Police Officer and Firefighter who works in our 9-1-1 center to attend a training block on this tragedy.
It will be watched from Day 1 for new hires so that they will understand the tremendous responsibility that comes with the career they are about to undertake.
During our first session, every one of them was in tears at one point or another during the video.
It is important for my people to hear what the families had to say.
They need to realize the impact that they can make on the outcome of a call for service.”
And he finished with........ “I think they got it!”
Since Denise was the daughter of a detective of the sheriff’s office, a trust fund was set up for the community to donate to our family.
The outpouring from the community was overwhelming. College funds were set up for my two sons, Adam and Noah.
An anonymous donor picked up the tab for the entire funeral.
I knew at this point that I had to do something to give back to the community.
So on June 8th last year, I formed the Denise Amber Lee Foundation.
I wanted to raise funds so that I could help families who experienced similar tragedies but didn’t have the enormous backing of the community like I had enjoyed.
I wanted to set-up trust funds for these families, maybe pay for funerals or help with their debts.
I’m sure many of you are aware of Kevin Willett's group at 911cares.com that provides comfort and support to members of the 9-1-1 community experiencing tragedy.
I think that is an absolutely wonderful idea.
That is what I want to provide for families experiencing tragedies from the shortcomings and inefficiencies of the 9-1-1 system.
The Denise Amber Lee Foundation also is chartered to raise public awareness of 9-1-1 issues and to promote solutions.
I started the foundation with $15,000 of money donated to our family and we are now aggressively seeking donations and sponsorships to carry out our mission.
The largest community foundation in Florida soon partnered with us in our cause. The Gulf Coast Community Foundation of Venice brings their considerable resources and influences to our disposal. In this past legislative session of the Florida legislature, Denise’s father, Detective Rick Goff and myself were called to Tallahassee to support pending legislation for a first ever training standard for 9-1-1 call takers and dispatchers.
Unfortunately, it was an unfunded and voluntary bill, although a great first step.
(Insert Nathan’s account of the event.)
Several legislators are ready to sponsor legislation in the coming session of the Florida legislature to make this training mandatory......
This is what keeps me going.....
This is my motivation....
Helen Keller was once quoted as saying....
“Many persons have a wrong idea of true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”
Most of you are familiar with the tragic circumstances of TV’s Americas Most Wanted host, John Walsh.
His 6 year old son Adam was kidnapped and brutally murdered in Florida in 1981.
In his book “Tears of Rage,” Mr. Walsh writes;
“People who haven’t been hit by crime can still enjoy what my wife and I call ‘the luxury of being naïve.’
They go around thinking that it could never happen to them. I envy those people; I truly do.
They don’t know any better.
They don’t understand that, once it happens to you, everything changes, every tiny aspect of your life.
And even though you may look the same on the outside and maybe acting the same way; on the inside you’re coming from a totally different place.”
He continues “To us, even back in the early days, our most basic understanding was always unspoken: Adam cannot have died in vain.
If we had not gone on to do what we eventually did, we would have remained as we were: two grief stricken hand wringing parents who other people looked at and felt sorry for.
But we both came to believe that if you are given the opportunity to change things, then how can you at least not try?”
It has only been 9 months since we started the Denise Amber Lee Foundation but we have had our successes.
Everyone has heard the saying “Sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees.”
That saying means when you are involved with all of the small details, it’s hard to see the larger picture.
I feel that is one of our advantages. We don't know the details.
Our concept of 9-1-1, and I think shared by most of the general public, is that you dial 9-1-1 and help arrives fast.
In our pursuit of seeing how we can make a difference, we have taken a more in depth look at how the industry works.
From our perspective of being on the outside looking in, it is crystal clear that the 9-1-1 system is a complicated, complex array of hardware, software, telecommunication networks, personnel and procedures that must all operate flawlessly for the system to work......
It is absolutely amazing to me that the system doesn’t fail more often.
The Denise Amber Lee Foundation has initially identified five areas that we would like to focus on;
Number 1 is training.
We feel that mandatory, standardized training is a must.
The best technology in the world is useless if call takers and dispatchers aren’t trained properly on its use.
Many of you who saw the Dateline and Primetime episodes on Denise’s case know that those shows focused on the mishandled 9-1-1 call from a citizen hero, Jane Kowalski.
Believe me, if you study the Internal Affairs Investigation of that night you will see many other mistakes from lack of training and improper procedures.
It is not my intent to speak on those errors today but if anyone is interested in those details, please see one of us this week and we will be happy to disclose those to you.
From the many emails we have received, mandatory training appears to be a goal of many of you in the industry as well.
The second area of focus for our foundation is appropriate compensation for call takers and dispatchers.
We have discovered that some jurisdictions in this country have starting salaries as low as $10.50/hour for call takers.... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
(here Nathan ad libs and talks about working at Best Buy selling televisions. He points out how much he makes, which is substantially more than call takers and dispatchers in certain areas. He makes a point that he doesn't save lives.)
In emergency services it is hard to say that one link in the chain is more important than another.
Everyone agrees that the call takers job is stressful and at times heart wrenching as they try and console a hysterical caller.
Everyone agrees that if this initial contact with the caller in need of assistance isn’t handled appropriately, it doesn’t matter how good the rest of the chain is, it is going to fail and a tragedy could be the result. If not for the trained and efficient call takers and dispatchers; police would not be able to prevent the rape and murder of a young mother; fire fighters would not be able to recue a child from a burning building and EMTs would not be able reach an accident victim in time to provide life saving first aid.
In an industry where employee retention is an issue, how can we attract dedicated, compassionate, and career minded workers; ask them to endure the stress and undergo the hours and hours of training necessary to perform their duties efficiently for $10.50/hour?
We can’t.
The public has to be made aware of this... and it has to change.
The third area that our foundation would like to address is increased funding for the tremendous financial challenge of bringing Next Generation Technologies and procedures on line.
In my home state of Florida, we pay a mere 50 cents per month, per phone line for 9-1-1 services.
I am confident that if the general public was aware of all the issues we are addressing today, they would willingly pay more.
Our fourth area of concern is quality assurance.
I know that many of your agencies have quality assurance procedures in place.
But we have heard from many industry people from around the country that analysis of how calls are handled and dispatched only occur after a tragic outcome.
There needs to be an ongoing, automatic random review of calls.
It would be a valuable opportunity for continuing education and training to correct errors before they result in a tragedy.
Our fifth area of focus is cell phone location.
It is hard to say that this area of focus may be the most important as all of these items have tremendous life saving potential.
But clearly the ability to know exact location of the mobile phone making the call to 9-1-1 for help would potentially save thousands of lives annually.
This is an issue that is baffling to us and most of the general public.
This is an issue that frustrates most of the people in this room.
We, as outsiders to the industry have very basic knowledge of Enhanced 9-1-1 and basic knowledge of locating a phone caller through triangulation calculations.
This seems to be time consuming, labor intensive, and obsolete information if, as in my wife's case, an abduction is happening in a moving vehicle.
Do the calculations have to be continually revised? My wife, Denise, was somehow able to make a 911 call during her abduction using her killers cell phone. She was able to keep the line open for 7 minutes before he realized what she had done. I know Denise thought that if she could keep the line open, the police would be able to trace her location and save her.
I have a little Garmin GPS screen on my dashboard that I can activate and watch my car on a detailed map, travel down the highway.
It seems to be incredibly accurate down to a few feet and displays all of the names of the approaching streets.
In my area of Southwest Florida, I live on the beautiful Gulf of Mexico.
I can hop in my friend's fishing boat for a day of grouper fishing, plug in a few GPS coordinates and head out into this vast marine wilderness of some 615,000 sq miles and find a pre-programmed reef site of maybe 30 feet across, 30 miles off the coast, where we can catch grouper all day.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WE CAN'T FIND A CELL PHONE WHEN SOMEONE DIALS 9-1-1?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The members of our foundation who are here this week need your thoughts and opinions on this issue.
I can’t think of any greater opportunity to save lives than to be able to locate a person in distress that uses their cell phone to dial 9-1-1.
Tell us where the difficulties lie. Help us understand the challenges of this critical issue from your perspective.
I mentioned in the beginning that I would like to challenge your thinking on a different way to bring improvements and changes to the 9-1-1 system.
Once again, it appears to this outsider, as this industry transitions into a Next Generation Framework, there are some amazing challenges pertaining to funding, technology, training, etc…
Again, public perception of the industry is very different than the reality.
It takes the public to urge their politicians to enact laws for adequate funding and standardized procedures.
It appears to me that the industry is woefully under-funded and unprepared to utilize the new communication technologies being brought to market today for consumer purchase.
This is a huge public safety issue.
If the public was aware of this fact they would demand that the 9-1-1 system be provided with adequate funds to fully staff the centers with motivated, compassionate and appropriately paid personnel.
They would demand the center be outfitted with the tools needed to process today’s technologies.
They would demand that policies, procedures and technologies be in place to reduce the opportunity for human error.
I submit to you,... that this public outcry for improvements to the 9-1-1 system will happen at a far more rapid rate by publicizing and focusing on the mishaps in the industry as opposed to the success stories of lives saved.
I don’t know how many of you saw the Dr. Phil show that Mr. Charles Cullen and I were featured on.
And, I know many of you cringed as you watched an hour of these painful stories.
But, if you looked at the message board on Dr. Phil’s website, you would have seen that show generated more comments than almost any show aired during that 2 or 3 week timeframe.
The Dateline NBC episode featuring our tragedy was the #1 story on the Dateline website for 6 weeks.
That’s what this industry needs.
That’s the kind of public reaction and outrage that will drive public policy for change.
EMBRACE IT.
The stories of talented call takers and dispatchers who provide calming directions to a father to help birth his son or daughter are heart warming. And these 911 workers need to be recognized and rewarded. I think of these stories as being miraculous and applaud them.
But I wonder if these stories are not counter-productive to raising public awareness of the shortfalls in funding that, I am sure all of you agree, are facing this industry.
If the public just sees these “feel good” stories, they will feel no urgent need to approve an additional fee on their phone bill to improve a 9-1-1 system that appears to have no problems or challenges.
Let me tell you what The Denise Amber Lee Foundation is doing to prove this theory.
Unfortunately, in our home state of Florida, there are no shortages of 9-1-1 tragedies.
Our initiative in Florida is to build a database of these tragic instances and identify the Florida legislators who represent the victims in those legislative districts.
These legislators are willing soldiers in the fight for mandatory training, increased funding and other issues that need addressing in the state’s 9-1-1 system.
It becomes political suicide to oppose changing the system that may have contributed to the death of one of their constituents.
For those cold-hearted legislators who still don’t feel the need to act, the press is more than willing to publicize their opposition.
My father recently contacted New York Assemblyman David Koon for his advice on making changes to Florida’s laws.
He came across Assemblyman Koon’s story on the E-911 Institute’s website.
Mr. Koon’s daughter, Jennifer, was abducted from a suburban mall parking lot in 1993 and murdered.
Mr. Koon was aware of Denise’s story.
When he heard the pain and disgust in my father’s voice, he also heard the dedication and commitment to do something about it.
Mr. Koon offered his heartfelt condolences and then chuckled and said “I know exactly what you’re feeling and get ready for an education in politics.”
He said, you need to set up meetings with legislators in Tallahassee and appeal to their sense of compassion, fairness, and doing what is right.
And if that doesn’t work be prepared to get in their face and start yelling and screaming.
He went on to say; “Don’t underestimate the power of threats.
Tell him or her that if they won’t support this legislation, you will run against them in the next election and take their seat.”
And he was saying this from experience….This is exactly how Assemblyman Koon’s political career started.
When he asked a local official to have security cameras installed in the parking lot where his daughter was abducted, he was told no.
That local official lost the following election to.... Mr. David Koon. Thus began his political career.
One of Mr. Koon’s legislative priorities was full funding of E-911 in New York State.
His daughter made a 9-1-1 call during her abduction ordeal but, although the call lasted 20 minutes, 9-1-1 dispatchers were unable to locate her.
E-911 was not fully implemented as late as 2003 because of opposition of then governor, George Pataki.
When 4 teenagers in a row boat on Long Island Sound died because no one could locate their position after a call for help to 9-1-1, Assemblyman Koon went on state TV and called Governor Pataki a murderer for not signing this legislation.
The next time the legislation came before the governor, it was promptly signed.
When John Walsh’s son, Adam was abducted, he and his wife assumed that the FBI would come swooping in immediately to catch the bad guy and return their son.
What they found out was shocking to them.
The FBI could look for stolen automobiles but was not authorized to look for stolen children.
To their further amazement was the fact that there was no national database to keep track of the over 150,000 child abduction cases each year.
The shocking reality of their story brought much needed attention to this issue and was instrumental in the passage of The Missing Children’s Act and the establishment of the National Center For Missing and Exploited Children.
Let me give you just a couple other examples where these tragedies energized society and policy makers in a positive way for change.
In 1996, 9 year old Amber Hagerman was abducted while riding her bicycle in Arlington, Texas.
Four days after the abduction, her body was found in a drainage ditch.
Her parents, with the help of Marc Klaas, whose own daughter Polly had been abducted and murdered in 1993, soon established People Against Sex Offenders.
The intense media coverage and public outrage this case generated forced Congress to draft the Amber Hagerman Child Protection Act which was eventually signed into law in 1996 by President Clinton.
Of course this led to the very successful Amber Alert System that we are all familiar with today.
And this last example, unfortunately, again comes from my home state of Florida.
Jessica Lunsford was a young girl in Florida who was raped and murdered by John Couey, a convicted sex offender.
Couey lived just a few hundred yards from the Lunsford home.
Public outrage over this case spurred Florida officials to introduce and pass “Jessica’s Law.”
This is the informal name given to a law designed to punish sex offenders by imposing a mandatory minimum sentence of 25 years in prison and lifetime electronic monitoring.
These are just a few, of the many examples of the power of these tragic events.
These are examples of where rapid change occurred as a result of the good people in society, rallying around cause, brought to their attention by media coverage of a tragedy.
As I wrap up my presentation here today let me reiterate that you and I know that these tragedies are truly a small percentage of all calls made to 9-1-1 every year.
I don’t have the statistics but I am sure some of you do.
But I want you to consider that this very small percentage can have a huge... positive impact on this industry if it can be channeled and focused in a responsible way.
You are on the front lines of one of the noblest causes there is; saving of human lives.
You are compassionate and dedicated people who do your best under stressful situations.
The French novelist Victor Hugo once said;
“Greater than the threat of mighty armies is an idea whose time has come.”
I truly feel that the time has come for the dedicated, committed members of this industry to embrace this idea as a powerful weapon for change.
The Denise Amber Lee Foundation wants to position itself at the forefront of this issue.
We want to not only provide comfort and support to the families of victims but also to provide hope…
That their loved one didn’t die in vain.
We want to give them an outlet and an avenue to channel their pain, anguish, and yes; sometimes anger to bring about changes and improvements to this essential service.
We envision a partnership with 9-1-1 industry members and responsible media to drive change to public policy.
It is true that media tends to sensationalize these stories to boost ratings but isn’t this what we want?....
As many people as possible to see the senseless and sometimes tragic outcomes resulting from the lack of funding that would allow you to better train and equip your 9-1-1 Communication Centers?
I have to tell you that the media has shown true compassion to us during our tragedy and seem genuine in their offers of assistance to help us anyway they can.
I want to again thank CalNENA for this opportunity.
We are excited and looking forward to the next couple of days and we are energized for this cause.
I would urge all of you to visit our website at www.DeniseAmberLee.org and we welcome all comments and suggestions and finally let me leave you with this:..
The 18th century Irish political leader and author, Edmund Burke, once said
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
I have seen the evil in our society but I have also seen the good;
and I have enough faith in human nature to predict that if people knew about the problems and challenges of this industry
AND the sometimes horrifying consequences of its failures, they would do something to stop it.
Thank you and God Bless you for your service.
BTW Mark wrote the speech.
Here's it is:
CalNENA Speech 2009
Good morning everyone.
I want to first say how honored I am to be asked to speak to this group of dedicated public servants.
In my eyes, you truly are the first line of defense for our Homeland Security.
What I would like to talk about today is to first tell you about the Denise Amber Lee Foundation that I started in honor and memory of my wonderful wife and second;
I would like to challenge your thinking on a different way to bring about changes and improvements to your industry.
There are 4 of us from the foundation here this week for the conference.
We hope to target several gatherings like this, this year to learn as much as we can.
We are not experts by any stretch of the imagination.
But we are energized and intensely motivated to do whatever we can to prevent any other family from experiencing the pain and heartbreak that we have suffered.
The famous anthropologist, Margaret Mead, once said:
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
So we are here this week to talk to as many of you as possible, to take in the trade show and listen to how you feel we should best be focusing our efforts to make a difference.
As you saw in the introductory video, many opportunities were lost that day to save Denise.
It is not my intent to vilify an industry and a system that failed her that day.
Make no mistake about it; it was a monster named Michael King who murdered my wife.
But when you look closely at the procedural breakdowns and miscommunication of vital information that occurred in that one 9-1-1 Call Center in Florida that night, you can’t help but be outraged.
There is no doubt in my mind that Denise would be alive today if vital information wasn’t grossly mishandled that evening!
And, indeed, over the ensuing months after Denise’s death, we heard from thousands of people from around the world who were outraged.
Many of the most memorable letters and emails that we received were surprising to us, from people in this industry.
We could feel the genuine compassion in those letters for our tragic loss.
We received this touching email from Geoff Weiss, training supervisor for the San Diego Sheriff’s Department.
He wrote....... “Last Thursday I taught my first class since last being in email contact with you.
Although the class was about an unrelated dispatch topic, as promised I took about 30 minutes of it to discuss the story of Denise.
I played the opening Dateline NBC 9 minute piece prior to going on our first break.
Later in the day, I finally played the conclusion..... Nate.... after the video finished I turned around to address my class of 31 dispatchers throughout the state of California and was struck by a chill of emotion as I saw half of them were in tears.
I walked back up to the front of the room, swallowed back the lump in my throat and said, “Remember why you took this job.
Remember what a critical role you play every day in public safety.”
Captain Josh Mindick Special Services Commander of the Boca Raton Florida Police Department wrote this......
“Mr. Lee, as a law enforcement professional, Commander of a 9-1-1 center, father, and husband, I watched Dateline NBC in a stoic silence.
I ordered every Telecommunicator, Police Officer and Firefighter who works in our 9-1-1 center to attend a training block on this tragedy.
It will be watched from Day 1 for new hires so that they will understand the tremendous responsibility that comes with the career they are about to undertake.
During our first session, every one of them was in tears at one point or another during the video.
It is important for my people to hear what the families had to say.
They need to realize the impact that they can make on the outcome of a call for service.”
And he finished with........ “I think they got it!”
Since Denise was the daughter of a detective of the sheriff’s office, a trust fund was set up for the community to donate to our family.
The outpouring from the community was overwhelming. College funds were set up for my two sons, Adam and Noah.
An anonymous donor picked up the tab for the entire funeral.
I knew at this point that I had to do something to give back to the community.
So on June 8th last year, I formed the Denise Amber Lee Foundation.
I wanted to raise funds so that I could help families who experienced similar tragedies but didn’t have the enormous backing of the community like I had enjoyed.
I wanted to set-up trust funds for these families, maybe pay for funerals or help with their debts.
I’m sure many of you are aware of Kevin Willett's group at 911cares.com that provides comfort and support to members of the 9-1-1 community experiencing tragedy.
I think that is an absolutely wonderful idea.
That is what I want to provide for families experiencing tragedies from the shortcomings and inefficiencies of the 9-1-1 system.
The Denise Amber Lee Foundation also is chartered to raise public awareness of 9-1-1 issues and to promote solutions.
I started the foundation with $15,000 of money donated to our family and we are now aggressively seeking donations and sponsorships to carry out our mission.
The largest community foundation in Florida soon partnered with us in our cause. The Gulf Coast Community Foundation of Venice brings their considerable resources and influences to our disposal. In this past legislative session of the Florida legislature, Denise’s father, Detective Rick Goff and myself were called to Tallahassee to support pending legislation for a first ever training standard for 9-1-1 call takers and dispatchers.
Unfortunately, it was an unfunded and voluntary bill, although a great first step.
(Insert Nathan’s account of the event.)
Several legislators are ready to sponsor legislation in the coming session of the Florida legislature to make this training mandatory......
This is what keeps me going.....
This is my motivation....
Helen Keller was once quoted as saying....
“Many persons have a wrong idea of true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”
Most of you are familiar with the tragic circumstances of TV’s Americas Most Wanted host, John Walsh.
His 6 year old son Adam was kidnapped and brutally murdered in Florida in 1981.
In his book “Tears of Rage,” Mr. Walsh writes;
“People who haven’t been hit by crime can still enjoy what my wife and I call ‘the luxury of being naïve.’
They go around thinking that it could never happen to them. I envy those people; I truly do.
They don’t know any better.
They don’t understand that, once it happens to you, everything changes, every tiny aspect of your life.
And even though you may look the same on the outside and maybe acting the same way; on the inside you’re coming from a totally different place.”
He continues “To us, even back in the early days, our most basic understanding was always unspoken: Adam cannot have died in vain.
If we had not gone on to do what we eventually did, we would have remained as we were: two grief stricken hand wringing parents who other people looked at and felt sorry for.
But we both came to believe that if you are given the opportunity to change things, then how can you at least not try?”
It has only been 9 months since we started the Denise Amber Lee Foundation but we have had our successes.
Everyone has heard the saying “Sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees.”
That saying means when you are involved with all of the small details, it’s hard to see the larger picture.
I feel that is one of our advantages. We don't know the details.
Our concept of 9-1-1, and I think shared by most of the general public, is that you dial 9-1-1 and help arrives fast.
In our pursuit of seeing how we can make a difference, we have taken a more in depth look at how the industry works.
From our perspective of being on the outside looking in, it is crystal clear that the 9-1-1 system is a complicated, complex array of hardware, software, telecommunication networks, personnel and procedures that must all operate flawlessly for the system to work......
It is absolutely amazing to me that the system doesn’t fail more often.
The Denise Amber Lee Foundation has initially identified five areas that we would like to focus on;
Number 1 is training.
We feel that mandatory, standardized training is a must.
The best technology in the world is useless if call takers and dispatchers aren’t trained properly on its use.
Many of you who saw the Dateline and Primetime episodes on Denise’s case know that those shows focused on the mishandled 9-1-1 call from a citizen hero, Jane Kowalski.
Believe me, if you study the Internal Affairs Investigation of that night you will see many other mistakes from lack of training and improper procedures.
It is not my intent to speak on those errors today but if anyone is interested in those details, please see one of us this week and we will be happy to disclose those to you.
From the many emails we have received, mandatory training appears to be a goal of many of you in the industry as well.
The second area of focus for our foundation is appropriate compensation for call takers and dispatchers.
We have discovered that some jurisdictions in this country have starting salaries as low as $10.50/hour for call takers.... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
(here Nathan ad libs and talks about working at Best Buy selling televisions. He points out how much he makes, which is substantially more than call takers and dispatchers in certain areas. He makes a point that he doesn't save lives.)
In emergency services it is hard to say that one link in the chain is more important than another.
Everyone agrees that the call takers job is stressful and at times heart wrenching as they try and console a hysterical caller.
Everyone agrees that if this initial contact with the caller in need of assistance isn’t handled appropriately, it doesn’t matter how good the rest of the chain is, it is going to fail and a tragedy could be the result. If not for the trained and efficient call takers and dispatchers; police would not be able to prevent the rape and murder of a young mother; fire fighters would not be able to recue a child from a burning building and EMTs would not be able reach an accident victim in time to provide life saving first aid.
In an industry where employee retention is an issue, how can we attract dedicated, compassionate, and career minded workers; ask them to endure the stress and undergo the hours and hours of training necessary to perform their duties efficiently for $10.50/hour?
We can’t.
The public has to be made aware of this... and it has to change.
The third area that our foundation would like to address is increased funding for the tremendous financial challenge of bringing Next Generation Technologies and procedures on line.
In my home state of Florida, we pay a mere 50 cents per month, per phone line for 9-1-1 services.
I am confident that if the general public was aware of all the issues we are addressing today, they would willingly pay more.
Our fourth area of concern is quality assurance.
I know that many of your agencies have quality assurance procedures in place.
But we have heard from many industry people from around the country that analysis of how calls are handled and dispatched only occur after a tragic outcome.
There needs to be an ongoing, automatic random review of calls.
It would be a valuable opportunity for continuing education and training to correct errors before they result in a tragedy.
Our fifth area of focus is cell phone location.
It is hard to say that this area of focus may be the most important as all of these items have tremendous life saving potential.
But clearly the ability to know exact location of the mobile phone making the call to 9-1-1 for help would potentially save thousands of lives annually.
This is an issue that is baffling to us and most of the general public.
This is an issue that frustrates most of the people in this room.
We, as outsiders to the industry have very basic knowledge of Enhanced 9-1-1 and basic knowledge of locating a phone caller through triangulation calculations.
This seems to be time consuming, labor intensive, and obsolete information if, as in my wife's case, an abduction is happening in a moving vehicle.
Do the calculations have to be continually revised? My wife, Denise, was somehow able to make a 911 call during her abduction using her killers cell phone. She was able to keep the line open for 7 minutes before he realized what she had done. I know Denise thought that if she could keep the line open, the police would be able to trace her location and save her.
I have a little Garmin GPS screen on my dashboard that I can activate and watch my car on a detailed map, travel down the highway.
It seems to be incredibly accurate down to a few feet and displays all of the names of the approaching streets.
In my area of Southwest Florida, I live on the beautiful Gulf of Mexico.
I can hop in my friend's fishing boat for a day of grouper fishing, plug in a few GPS coordinates and head out into this vast marine wilderness of some 615,000 sq miles and find a pre-programmed reef site of maybe 30 feet across, 30 miles off the coast, where we can catch grouper all day.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WE CAN'T FIND A CELL PHONE WHEN SOMEONE DIALS 9-1-1?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The members of our foundation who are here this week need your thoughts and opinions on this issue.
I can’t think of any greater opportunity to save lives than to be able to locate a person in distress that uses their cell phone to dial 9-1-1.
Tell us where the difficulties lie. Help us understand the challenges of this critical issue from your perspective.
I mentioned in the beginning that I would like to challenge your thinking on a different way to bring improvements and changes to the 9-1-1 system.
Once again, it appears to this outsider, as this industry transitions into a Next Generation Framework, there are some amazing challenges pertaining to funding, technology, training, etc…
Again, public perception of the industry is very different than the reality.
It takes the public to urge their politicians to enact laws for adequate funding and standardized procedures.
It appears to me that the industry is woefully under-funded and unprepared to utilize the new communication technologies being brought to market today for consumer purchase.
This is a huge public safety issue.
If the public was aware of this fact they would demand that the 9-1-1 system be provided with adequate funds to fully staff the centers with motivated, compassionate and appropriately paid personnel.
They would demand the center be outfitted with the tools needed to process today’s technologies.
They would demand that policies, procedures and technologies be in place to reduce the opportunity for human error.
I submit to you,... that this public outcry for improvements to the 9-1-1 system will happen at a far more rapid rate by publicizing and focusing on the mishaps in the industry as opposed to the success stories of lives saved.
I don’t know how many of you saw the Dr. Phil show that Mr. Charles Cullen and I were featured on.
And, I know many of you cringed as you watched an hour of these painful stories.
But, if you looked at the message board on Dr. Phil’s website, you would have seen that show generated more comments than almost any show aired during that 2 or 3 week timeframe.
The Dateline NBC episode featuring our tragedy was the #1 story on the Dateline website for 6 weeks.
That’s what this industry needs.
That’s the kind of public reaction and outrage that will drive public policy for change.
EMBRACE IT.
The stories of talented call takers and dispatchers who provide calming directions to a father to help birth his son or daughter are heart warming. And these 911 workers need to be recognized and rewarded. I think of these stories as being miraculous and applaud them.
But I wonder if these stories are not counter-productive to raising public awareness of the shortfalls in funding that, I am sure all of you agree, are facing this industry.
If the public just sees these “feel good” stories, they will feel no urgent need to approve an additional fee on their phone bill to improve a 9-1-1 system that appears to have no problems or challenges.
Let me tell you what The Denise Amber Lee Foundation is doing to prove this theory.
Unfortunately, in our home state of Florida, there are no shortages of 9-1-1 tragedies.
Our initiative in Florida is to build a database of these tragic instances and identify the Florida legislators who represent the victims in those legislative districts.
These legislators are willing soldiers in the fight for mandatory training, increased funding and other issues that need addressing in the state’s 9-1-1 system.
It becomes political suicide to oppose changing the system that may have contributed to the death of one of their constituents.
For those cold-hearted legislators who still don’t feel the need to act, the press is more than willing to publicize their opposition.
My father recently contacted New York Assemblyman David Koon for his advice on making changes to Florida’s laws.
He came across Assemblyman Koon’s story on the E-911 Institute’s website.
Mr. Koon’s daughter, Jennifer, was abducted from a suburban mall parking lot in 1993 and murdered.
Mr. Koon was aware of Denise’s story.
When he heard the pain and disgust in my father’s voice, he also heard the dedication and commitment to do something about it.
Mr. Koon offered his heartfelt condolences and then chuckled and said “I know exactly what you’re feeling and get ready for an education in politics.”
He said, you need to set up meetings with legislators in Tallahassee and appeal to their sense of compassion, fairness, and doing what is right.
And if that doesn’t work be prepared to get in their face and start yelling and screaming.
He went on to say; “Don’t underestimate the power of threats.
Tell him or her that if they won’t support this legislation, you will run against them in the next election and take their seat.”
And he was saying this from experience….This is exactly how Assemblyman Koon’s political career started.
When he asked a local official to have security cameras installed in the parking lot where his daughter was abducted, he was told no.
That local official lost the following election to.... Mr. David Koon. Thus began his political career.
One of Mr. Koon’s legislative priorities was full funding of E-911 in New York State.
His daughter made a 9-1-1 call during her abduction ordeal but, although the call lasted 20 minutes, 9-1-1 dispatchers were unable to locate her.
E-911 was not fully implemented as late as 2003 because of opposition of then governor, George Pataki.
When 4 teenagers in a row boat on Long Island Sound died because no one could locate their position after a call for help to 9-1-1, Assemblyman Koon went on state TV and called Governor Pataki a murderer for not signing this legislation.
The next time the legislation came before the governor, it was promptly signed.
When John Walsh’s son, Adam was abducted, he and his wife assumed that the FBI would come swooping in immediately to catch the bad guy and return their son.
What they found out was shocking to them.
The FBI could look for stolen automobiles but was not authorized to look for stolen children.
To their further amazement was the fact that there was no national database to keep track of the over 150,000 child abduction cases each year.
The shocking reality of their story brought much needed attention to this issue and was instrumental in the passage of The Missing Children’s Act and the establishment of the National Center For Missing and Exploited Children.
Let me give you just a couple other examples where these tragedies energized society and policy makers in a positive way for change.
In 1996, 9 year old Amber Hagerman was abducted while riding her bicycle in Arlington, Texas.
Four days after the abduction, her body was found in a drainage ditch.
Her parents, with the help of Marc Klaas, whose own daughter Polly had been abducted and murdered in 1993, soon established People Against Sex Offenders.
The intense media coverage and public outrage this case generated forced Congress to draft the Amber Hagerman Child Protection Act which was eventually signed into law in 1996 by President Clinton.
Of course this led to the very successful Amber Alert System that we are all familiar with today.
And this last example, unfortunately, again comes from my home state of Florida.
Jessica Lunsford was a young girl in Florida who was raped and murdered by John Couey, a convicted sex offender.
Couey lived just a few hundred yards from the Lunsford home.
Public outrage over this case spurred Florida officials to introduce and pass “Jessica’s Law.”
This is the informal name given to a law designed to punish sex offenders by imposing a mandatory minimum sentence of 25 years in prison and lifetime electronic monitoring.
These are just a few, of the many examples of the power of these tragic events.
These are examples of where rapid change occurred as a result of the good people in society, rallying around cause, brought to their attention by media coverage of a tragedy.
As I wrap up my presentation here today let me reiterate that you and I know that these tragedies are truly a small percentage of all calls made to 9-1-1 every year.
I don’t have the statistics but I am sure some of you do.
But I want you to consider that this very small percentage can have a huge... positive impact on this industry if it can be channeled and focused in a responsible way.
You are on the front lines of one of the noblest causes there is; saving of human lives.
You are compassionate and dedicated people who do your best under stressful situations.
The French novelist Victor Hugo once said;
“Greater than the threat of mighty armies is an idea whose time has come.”
I truly feel that the time has come for the dedicated, committed members of this industry to embrace this idea as a powerful weapon for change.
The Denise Amber Lee Foundation wants to position itself at the forefront of this issue.
We want to not only provide comfort and support to the families of victims but also to provide hope…
That their loved one didn’t die in vain.
We want to give them an outlet and an avenue to channel their pain, anguish, and yes; sometimes anger to bring about changes and improvements to this essential service.
We envision a partnership with 9-1-1 industry members and responsible media to drive change to public policy.
It is true that media tends to sensationalize these stories to boost ratings but isn’t this what we want?....
As many people as possible to see the senseless and sometimes tragic outcomes resulting from the lack of funding that would allow you to better train and equip your 9-1-1 Communication Centers?
I have to tell you that the media has shown true compassion to us during our tragedy and seem genuine in their offers of assistance to help us anyway they can.
I want to again thank CalNENA for this opportunity.
We are excited and looking forward to the next couple of days and we are energized for this cause.
I would urge all of you to visit our website at www.DeniseAmberLee.org and we welcome all comments and suggestions and finally let me leave you with this:..
The 18th century Irish political leader and author, Edmund Burke, once said
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
I have seen the evil in our society but I have also seen the good;
and I have enough faith in human nature to predict that if people knew about the problems and challenges of this industry
AND the sometimes horrifying consequences of its failures, they would do something to stop it.
Thank you and God Bless you for your service.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
A Rant: Little Haleigh Cummings and her family
Disclosure: posted in both my blogs (it's that much of a rant!)
Apparently there's a lot of speculation going around about this family. The poor beleaguered dad is almost on trial. The poor beleaguered mom isn't helping the situation.
I hope and pray for this young child's sake that this family does all it can to stay together and represent a united front.
By infighting and pointing fingers of past offenses they are only making their suffering worse.
I wish somehow, someone would get this message across to them. .
Geraldo Rivera was issued a no trespassing warrant because he brought up some disgusting stuff with some terribly foul questions. He had the cruelty to pose those questions to the distraught father. That's just wrong. The father hasn't been indicted on any charges and to ask him questions about abuse during his marriage while his little girl is lost well...... Having a bad marriage doesn't make you a murderer. And the mom lost custody. She must've lost custody for a reason. To say there's some bitterness there would probably be an understatement.
This family needs to rise above their petty squabbling and stand together. If and when Haleigh comes back she's going to need BOTH her parents.
Maybe people like Geraldo don't think they are being cruel. Maybe they believe they have the right of free speech to ask any question they'd like.
Well, I submit to you that maybe they do have that right. But it doesn't make the right thing to do.
If these people had just an inkling of the pain that this family is going through they'd shut their foul mouths and wait for the police to do their jobs. They'd stop pointing fingers. They'd help the police. They'd help the family.
I imagine the Cummings family has friends who are helping them. I hope they have a community that is supporting them.
I'm telling you that when someone in your family goes missing, you can't handle any more pain.
Gosh, I'd wish they'd find this poor little girl.
Again, what has the world come to? Why are people hurting our kids? What is it in Florida? Is it Florida? Or is it everywhere and we just get all the bad pub?
Pilar Rodriguez, Carlie Brucia, Jessica Lunsford, Coral Rose Fullwood, Trenton Duckett, Caylee Anthony, Haleigh Cummings.......... And those just off the top of my head.
In more than one of the cases above the public scrutinized the families horribly and were wrong.
Let's look at these cases.
Pilar is still unsolved. They think she was abducted by her babysitter.
Carlie Brucia was abducted by a stranger and murdered. Her mother was pretty much and still is on trial by the community. Last tihing I heard she was drugged out and possibly a hooker or maybe it was a stripper. Who knows if that's correct? Bottom line is the child was taken by a stranger!
Jessica Lunsofrd was abducted by a stranger and murdered. Her dad was suspect in the beginning. Everyone was sure he did it or that the grandparents had been neglectful. People still mention the dad and saying he should'nt have gone out on a date that night and he should've been home. Sheesh.
Coral Rose Fullwood was abducted and murdered by a stranger. Possibly more than one. Immediately the family was put on trial. Reports of child abuse and neglect. The children were taken away from the parents. There were reports of human feces on the walls of their home. The father had child porn on his computer. But! Bottom line it's a stranger who's awaiting trial in jail. No connection to the Fullwood's has been proved.
Trenton Duckett remains unsolved. His mom was blamed by the public and the press. She was never arrested. But, she committed suicide after Nancy Grace went after her. Trenton is still missing. Gee. So, losing a child and having to deal with the predators of the press can lead to suicide. Who knows? Maybe she was guilty of something. Sadly, because of the press, we'll never know. The police were unable to do their jobs.
Caylee Anthony. Who knows? I can't even begin to write about her case. But the mom's in jail. It took them a long time to get her in jail but she's there. Who knows what went on with the grandparents? Has the press distorted the facts or are the grandparents as whacked out as we've been led to believe?
Which leads us to Haleigh Cummings. And WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! IMO it's best to let the police do their jobs. The family IMO should shut up to the press, cooperate with the police and stay united. These reports about them pointing fingers and mentioning past transgressions is not good for them and it's not good for Haleigh.
God give them strength and courage. They have a long road ahead of them no matter what's found out.
I continue to keep the entire family (both sides) in my prayers.
added edit: I really need to send a thank you to the press who have handled our case. You truly on the most part have shown compassion towards us and you have helped us. Thank you for that.
Apparently there's a lot of speculation going around about this family. The poor beleaguered dad is almost on trial. The poor beleaguered mom isn't helping the situation.
I hope and pray for this young child's sake that this family does all it can to stay together and represent a united front.
By infighting and pointing fingers of past offenses they are only making their suffering worse.
I wish somehow, someone would get this message across to them. .
Geraldo Rivera was issued a no trespassing warrant because he brought up some disgusting stuff with some terribly foul questions. He had the cruelty to pose those questions to the distraught father. That's just wrong. The father hasn't been indicted on any charges and to ask him questions about abuse during his marriage while his little girl is lost well...... Having a bad marriage doesn't make you a murderer. And the mom lost custody. She must've lost custody for a reason. To say there's some bitterness there would probably be an understatement.
This family needs to rise above their petty squabbling and stand together. If and when Haleigh comes back she's going to need BOTH her parents.
Maybe people like Geraldo don't think they are being cruel. Maybe they believe they have the right of free speech to ask any question they'd like.
Well, I submit to you that maybe they do have that right. But it doesn't make the right thing to do.
If these people had just an inkling of the pain that this family is going through they'd shut their foul mouths and wait for the police to do their jobs. They'd stop pointing fingers. They'd help the police. They'd help the family.
I imagine the Cummings family has friends who are helping them. I hope they have a community that is supporting them.
I'm telling you that when someone in your family goes missing, you can't handle any more pain.
Gosh, I'd wish they'd find this poor little girl.
Again, what has the world come to? Why are people hurting our kids? What is it in Florida? Is it Florida? Or is it everywhere and we just get all the bad pub?
Pilar Rodriguez, Carlie Brucia, Jessica Lunsford, Coral Rose Fullwood, Trenton Duckett, Caylee Anthony, Haleigh Cummings.......... And those just off the top of my head.
In more than one of the cases above the public scrutinized the families horribly and were wrong.
Let's look at these cases.
Pilar is still unsolved. They think she was abducted by her babysitter.
Carlie Brucia was abducted by a stranger and murdered. Her mother was pretty much and still is on trial by the community. Last tihing I heard she was drugged out and possibly a hooker or maybe it was a stripper. Who knows if that's correct? Bottom line is the child was taken by a stranger!
Jessica Lunsofrd was abducted by a stranger and murdered. Her dad was suspect in the beginning. Everyone was sure he did it or that the grandparents had been neglectful. People still mention the dad and saying he should'nt have gone out on a date that night and he should've been home. Sheesh.
Coral Rose Fullwood was abducted and murdered by a stranger. Possibly more than one. Immediately the family was put on trial. Reports of child abuse and neglect. The children were taken away from the parents. There were reports of human feces on the walls of their home. The father had child porn on his computer. But! Bottom line it's a stranger who's awaiting trial in jail. No connection to the Fullwood's has been proved.
Trenton Duckett remains unsolved. His mom was blamed by the public and the press. She was never arrested. But, she committed suicide after Nancy Grace went after her. Trenton is still missing. Gee. So, losing a child and having to deal with the predators of the press can lead to suicide. Who knows? Maybe she was guilty of something. Sadly, because of the press, we'll never know. The police were unable to do their jobs.
Caylee Anthony. Who knows? I can't even begin to write about her case. But the mom's in jail. It took them a long time to get her in jail but she's there. Who knows what went on with the grandparents? Has the press distorted the facts or are the grandparents as whacked out as we've been led to believe?
Which leads us to Haleigh Cummings. And WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! IMO it's best to let the police do their jobs. The family IMO should shut up to the press, cooperate with the police and stay united. These reports about them pointing fingers and mentioning past transgressions is not good for them and it's not good for Haleigh.
God give them strength and courage. They have a long road ahead of them no matter what's found out.
I continue to keep the entire family (both sides) in my prayers.
added edit: I really need to send a thank you to the press who have handled our case. You truly on the most part have shown compassion towards us and you have helped us. Thank you for that.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Haleigh Cummings or is it Hayleigh Cummings and speculation
I sure wish they'd find this little girl and people would back off with their speculation on what happened.
I also wish they'd report the correct spelling for the poor lost little girl. I still can't figure out if it's "Haleigh" or "Hayleigh". Maybe I'm just dim.
It seems disrespectful to be typing the wrong spelling.
When Denise was first reported missing all the news reports kept calling her "Amber". It drove us crazy! We kept telling them, she's not Amber she's DENISE! But they continued to report Amber as if to sensationalize the story even further. In any case it was like sticking needles in us. People to this day still say Amber! As recently as this past week someone said "oh, I'm so sorry about Amber. I've been following her story." All because in those first few days that's how the story was aired.
I think people who have never gone through anything like this before don't understand how much just one little statement can hurt. One little word can feel like a dagger in the heart. That's how distressed we were and most of the time still are. And that's how distressed this family is.
I realize people say stupid things because they don't know what to say. And I realize that families like ours are super sensitive. We don't know what to say either.
What ever the case, sure! Maybe someone inside the family circle harmed this little girl. And sure! Maybe one of them was neglectful. But just as sure a stranger may have crept in and taken her the way that evil monster Couey crept into Jessica Lunsford's home and snatched her! Everyone was so sure that because the family lived in a trailer, someone in the family was responsible. The only facts in Haleigh's story right now are that we don't have any. We don't know what happened. And it's the entire family who is in pain. The entire family. So the speculation hurts them all. And aren't they hurting enough?????????
I remember people speculating about my son Nathan. I remember people speculating about Denise. I remember the not so whispered "Well, she must've known him!" and the "why would she have let him in!"
Well he had a gun people! Obviously since he shot her in the head, it's clear he had a gun! And she had two babies she needed to protect.
Anyhow, I wish I knew how to spell Haleigh's name correctly. And I wish people wouldn't speculate. It's hurtful.
And, yeah, I too think the girl friend "Misty" is a little young but who am I to judge? And who am I to put these people on trial? Let's find the precious baby. Let's lay out the facts and then put on trial whoever is responsible.
I do understand the need and the compulsion to find answers. We all want answers. We all want to find her and by speculating people are simply puzzling over everything and trying to figure out what happened.
All I'm saying is we can't judge anyone until we know the facts. And right now there are no facts.
I know how angry I sound. These stories just put me back into that place. We're blessed in so many ways, my family is. We have the babies safe and sound. The perpetrator is behind bars. It seems to be an open and shut case for us. We do have the trial coming up. Ugh! And we do have the 9-1-1 issues we're contending with. Ugh! But we have the support of so many people.
So, I'll take my anger back and ask very gently, please, please, please, try not to judge this family until we know what's going on. For the sake of this heartbroken family who can't find their little girl let's try not to be hard on them. Trust me, they are in a kinda of pain that can't begin to be imagined.
Just my opinion as always.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/02/13/earlyshow/main4799710.shtml
I also wish they'd report the correct spelling for the poor lost little girl. I still can't figure out if it's "Haleigh" or "Hayleigh". Maybe I'm just dim.
It seems disrespectful to be typing the wrong spelling.
When Denise was first reported missing all the news reports kept calling her "Amber". It drove us crazy! We kept telling them, she's not Amber she's DENISE! But they continued to report Amber as if to sensationalize the story even further. In any case it was like sticking needles in us. People to this day still say Amber! As recently as this past week someone said "oh, I'm so sorry about Amber. I've been following her story." All because in those first few days that's how the story was aired.
I think people who have never gone through anything like this before don't understand how much just one little statement can hurt. One little word can feel like a dagger in the heart. That's how distressed we were and most of the time still are. And that's how distressed this family is.
I realize people say stupid things because they don't know what to say. And I realize that families like ours are super sensitive. We don't know what to say either.
What ever the case, sure! Maybe someone inside the family circle harmed this little girl. And sure! Maybe one of them was neglectful. But just as sure a stranger may have crept in and taken her the way that evil monster Couey crept into Jessica Lunsford's home and snatched her! Everyone was so sure that because the family lived in a trailer, someone in the family was responsible. The only facts in Haleigh's story right now are that we don't have any. We don't know what happened. And it's the entire family who is in pain. The entire family. So the speculation hurts them all. And aren't they hurting enough?????????
I remember people speculating about my son Nathan. I remember people speculating about Denise. I remember the not so whispered "Well, she must've known him!" and the "why would she have let him in!"
Well he had a gun people! Obviously since he shot her in the head, it's clear he had a gun! And she had two babies she needed to protect.
Anyhow, I wish I knew how to spell Haleigh's name correctly. And I wish people wouldn't speculate. It's hurtful.
And, yeah, I too think the girl friend "Misty" is a little young but who am I to judge? And who am I to put these people on trial? Let's find the precious baby. Let's lay out the facts and then put on trial whoever is responsible.
I do understand the need and the compulsion to find answers. We all want answers. We all want to find her and by speculating people are simply puzzling over everything and trying to figure out what happened.
All I'm saying is we can't judge anyone until we know the facts. And right now there are no facts.
I know how angry I sound. These stories just put me back into that place. We're blessed in so many ways, my family is. We have the babies safe and sound. The perpetrator is behind bars. It seems to be an open and shut case for us. We do have the trial coming up. Ugh! And we do have the 9-1-1 issues we're contending with. Ugh! But we have the support of so many people.
So, I'll take my anger back and ask very gently, please, please, please, try not to judge this family until we know what's going on. For the sake of this heartbroken family who can't find their little girl let's try not to be hard on them. Trust me, they are in a kinda of pain that can't begin to be imagined.
Just my opinion as always.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/02/13/earlyshow/main4799710.shtml
Friday, February 13, 2009
Haleigh Cummings and speculation
I will not speculate about the Cummings family. Or for that matter the Herrera family who lost two children who died in a trunk.
I feel intense pain and heartache for these families.
All I can do is share some of our experiences of when Denise went missing.
When Denise went missing Nathan became the first suspect. That afternoon, I was asked countless times whether Denise would have left willingly and if Nathan would hurt her. I can't tell you how unbearable it is to experience other people thinking your son could do anything so horrific. But speculation was rampant. And in a missing adult case the spouse is always this first suspect. Poor Nathan. We couldn't get on with worry about Denise and praying. We were being questioned. We don't blame the police for this. We blame the society we're living in. And we were more than willing to answer any questions we could if it meant helping to find Denise.
People speculated and still speculate that Denise knew the evil monster Michael King and that they were having an affair. It's ridiculous, hurtful and unkind. As if Denise would associate with such a person. It's ludicrous.
The police are proof positive that Denise had no clue who Michael King was and that she never set her eyes on the man before he kidnapped her, raped her and eventually murdered her.
Fortunately for us Denise left the best evidence to take suspicion away from Nathan. Not 3 hours after she was kidnapped she was able to make a 9-1-1 call. She kept the call taker on the line for 7 minutes. During that time she stated she was kidnapped and that her babies were home alone. Thank you, Denise, for that.
I can't imagine if Nathan had been a suspect for several days. I believe the pain would've been unbearable.
When Jessica Lunsford went missing there was intense suspicion focused on Mark Lunsford. We later found out that Mark Lunsford had nothing to do with Jessica's demise. It was the evil monster John Couey.
Before Denise went missing, I will admit that I would probably have joined in on the speculation. Now? Never again. I know first hand how hurtful it is for people to assume things when the not even the police know what to think.
In any case I hope this little girl is found soon for everyone's sake.
I just can't believe this is happening again. It's so so horrible.
Anyway, I beg for people to not speculate on this family until the facts come out. I don't know this family. But I do know some of their unbearable pain.
Please. If they or anyone of them are involved, let the police speculate and figure it out. Do not put these people on trial until a trial is deemed necessary. Let them get on with their prayers and heartache and leave them alone. That is unless you know something. In that case, go to the police with it right away.
It's the only compassionate thing to do.
I feel intense pain and heartache for these families.
All I can do is share some of our experiences of when Denise went missing.
When Denise went missing Nathan became the first suspect. That afternoon, I was asked countless times whether Denise would have left willingly and if Nathan would hurt her. I can't tell you how unbearable it is to experience other people thinking your son could do anything so horrific. But speculation was rampant. And in a missing adult case the spouse is always this first suspect. Poor Nathan. We couldn't get on with worry about Denise and praying. We were being questioned. We don't blame the police for this. We blame the society we're living in. And we were more than willing to answer any questions we could if it meant helping to find Denise.
People speculated and still speculate that Denise knew the evil monster Michael King and that they were having an affair. It's ridiculous, hurtful and unkind. As if Denise would associate with such a person. It's ludicrous.
The police are proof positive that Denise had no clue who Michael King was and that she never set her eyes on the man before he kidnapped her, raped her and eventually murdered her.
Fortunately for us Denise left the best evidence to take suspicion away from Nathan. Not 3 hours after she was kidnapped she was able to make a 9-1-1 call. She kept the call taker on the line for 7 minutes. During that time she stated she was kidnapped and that her babies were home alone. Thank you, Denise, for that.
I can't imagine if Nathan had been a suspect for several days. I believe the pain would've been unbearable.
When Jessica Lunsford went missing there was intense suspicion focused on Mark Lunsford. We later found out that Mark Lunsford had nothing to do with Jessica's demise. It was the evil monster John Couey.
Before Denise went missing, I will admit that I would probably have joined in on the speculation. Now? Never again. I know first hand how hurtful it is for people to assume things when the not even the police know what to think.
In any case I hope this little girl is found soon for everyone's sake.
I just can't believe this is happening again. It's so so horrible.
Anyway, I beg for people to not speculate on this family until the facts come out. I don't know this family. But I do know some of their unbearable pain.
Please. If they or anyone of them are involved, let the police speculate and figure it out. Do not put these people on trial until a trial is deemed necessary. Let them get on with their prayers and heartache and leave them alone. That is unless you know something. In that case, go to the police with it right away.
It's the only compassionate thing to do.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Haleigh Cummings
It's difficult to write about this little girl.
I pray to God that this young child is safe. Another little girl missing.
What is it about Florida? Pilar Rodriguez, Carlie Brucia, Jessica Lunsford, Coral Rose Fullwood, Caylee Anthony, and I'm sure there are others that I'm missing.
In any case, it's hard to wrap my mind around this. I couldn't even read about Caylee Anthony.
And now Haleigh Cummings.
It all just hits too close to home. It brings back so many emotions.
I weep inside for this family and for this young child.
I weep inside for Denise.
I just don't understand. My brain simply can't take it in how terrible this world can be.
What are we animals?
Oh, Denise. If this child is with you, hold her tight and wrap your arms around her.
I pray to God that this young child is safe. Another little girl missing.
What is it about Florida? Pilar Rodriguez, Carlie Brucia, Jessica Lunsford, Coral Rose Fullwood, Caylee Anthony, and I'm sure there are others that I'm missing.
In any case, it's hard to wrap my mind around this. I couldn't even read about Caylee Anthony.
And now Haleigh Cummings.
It all just hits too close to home. It brings back so many emotions.
I weep inside for this family and for this young child.
I weep inside for Denise.
I just don't understand. My brain simply can't take it in how terrible this world can be.
What are we animals?
Oh, Denise. If this child is with you, hold her tight and wrap your arms around her.
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