Monday, March 2, 2009

Not much news tonight

Things are kind of quiet at home. I suppose that's a good thing. That doesn't mean that there isn't a lot happening. There is.

I'm just so overwhelmed by it I can't post on it all.

It's all good and it all has to do with 9-1-1. Why I feel depressed and frustrated, I don't know.

Maybe it's because with all the excitement about all the possible improvements etc.... I feel.... still lost without Denise.

I still can't stop missing her.

Maybe I feel guilty for the relief I feel that so much is finally happening. It's certainly not happiness I feel. It's more a relief and a certain satisfaction that some of what we've been doing is paying off.

We're moving on without her. We're fighting to expose the problems in certain 9-1-1 centers, and we're fighting to fix those problems. We're trying to reach out to others and their frustrations with the system. We're doing all we can. And it's a lot. It's emotional.

Sadly, it's so much sometimes I think it really takes it's toll on us.

It's a bittersweet feeling. Sweet and sour.

Sweet because, thank goodness, change we now know is coming. And sour because.......... well........... we know why it's sour.

Thank goodness, at least for me, for the babies. They bring the happiness. I find very little in much else.

Michael King, the alleged murderer has so much to answer for. He has no clue as to the grief he's caused this family. He has no clue what he has stolen from us.

John Davenport and Bill Cameron along with others who were on duty that night in the CCSO 9-1-1 center have no clue as to what grief they have caused us. They have no clue. NO CLUE.

Michael King is a low life and though I may not understand I accept that he's enough of a psychopath to be oblivious. But as to the others (John Davenport and Bill Cameron), and those who participated willingly in that convoluted I/A report put out by the sheriff's office? You'd expect better from them. They have no clue as to the additional pain and suffering they've caused our family.

deep breath

Nathan made a statement this morning about how he was naive before Denise was murdered. Heck, I think we were all a bit naive. Even those of us in our fifties. Heck, even maybe Denise's dad who is a veteran police officerand has probably seen just about all you can see.

In someway a major part of all of us died that day.

I want so bad to feel good about what's happening. There is so much that's going to come of this as far as 9-1-1. I hope so much that lives will be saved and the improvements will help minimize these tragedies caused by 9-1-1 mishaps. Michael King killed Denise. We know that. But as you all know the 9-1-1 center clearly screwed up.

The improvements I speak of? They are nothing we've started. They've been in the works. It's apparently a continual process. With technology changing as rapidly as it does, 9-1-1 has a major responsibility to keep up. It's not easy. So, the fight has been out there and it's been on going.

The good news! We have so much support. And now that the guys have come back from CalNENA we have even more support and it's by the hundreds. They were so moved by Denise's story. And now Nathan is in even more demand to speak at other venues.

Denise's tragedy just may be a catalyst to help things move at a faster pace. I hope so. I wouldn't want to wish this on anyone.

I just hate that she had to die for all this to happen. I hate to be so blunt. But... I just wish she didn't have to die.

Sorry to ramble. I'm tired tonight between moving, babies and this. I'm just tired.

Much love and peace.