Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I'm so depressed

And have been for a couple of weeks now. I don't know what it is. I'm in some gawdawful funk. Maybe it's I'm missing Denise so much and moving on is so damn difficult.

Maybe I'm feeling discouraged with all the 9-1-1 stuff. Sometimes I feel as if we're banging our heads against a wall. And I know this simply isn't true. It's just a super long process and it involves politics, egos, money, and power. Things, to be quite honest, I believe most of us can do without. You wonder who you can trust and who you can't. So many people with so many agendas. And some have agendas where they have actually used our family's profoundest grief. It's just unconscionable how people can put their politics and egos before public safety.

Politics. Ugh!

Oh, Denise..... I really do miss you so much. I miss our family and what we had together. I miss the simplicity of you and Nate coming over for dinner with the boys. I still see you walking through the garage with that big clunky carseat. I miss your smile.

I miss your quietness. I miss how simple everything used to be.

This 9-1-1 fight is a struggle and a burden. But we're not going to give up and let the dirty politicians win. We're going to see to it that sheriff's and police departments have to step up. So many already do, but there are many more who don't. And it's wrong. People will continue to die and families will continue to be devastated.

There needs to be standards and accountability.

I just erased the rest of my post because it was becoming a rant. And, I don't want to rant. I want to think of all the good people out there who are helping us and not those who are hindering us.

The good still outweighs the bad and it triumphs over evil. At least, I keep telling myself that. And all in all, I believe it's true. It's just that the bad has a tendency to infiltrate and destroy. Well, we won't let it.

I miss you, Denise.

As an aside: We're still looking for recipes, so please submit as many as you want! Send them to me at PeggyLee@DeniseAmberLee.org

Much love and peace.....