Sunday, May 17, 2009

Dear sweet Denise

Today was especially difficult. Dad (in law) had to for the first time go through all the videos we have of you. I've seen them all..... All are beautiful. All are touching, moving and simplybreathtaking. But today, Dad went through them back to back. We're trying to create a video to present at the different conferences and conventions we're going to. We want them to feel the emotions we feel as a family. We want them to know how this tragedy has affected us so that hopefully this will never happen to another family. It's a difficult message to convey. We can't prevent sickos like your murderer from murdering people but! we can help prevent such a tragedy from happening if opportunities are presented to prevent such a tragedy. There were so many opportunities that could have prevented (crap, I'm crying) your murder and tragedy but those opportunities were not taken advantage of. So, if we can help prevent tragedies, well...... please, God, help us do so........ We know, Denise, your tragedy could have been prevented. We also know that other tragedies could have been prevented... namely Olidia Kerr Day's and Jennifer Johnson's. Even if just one of you were saved it would have meant so much less heartache for if just one family's!!!!

Anyhow, Dad (in law) had to go through all the videos. Also, we're trying to select an appropriate song to play along with it. Dad has his mind set on (and I agree it's perfect) Rascal Flatt's "While You Loved Me". That or Lonestar's "Not A Day Goes By".

It's so damn difficult. I wonder if we ought to use your wedding song, Rascal Flatt's "The Day Before You".

I don't know. But each time we have to go through newspaper clippings and videos it's as if we're reliving losing you.

If Dad and I can do this for Nate..... well we will. Personally, I don't see how he'd get through it. I can barely get through it. And God knows how difficult it is for you dad in law.

I pray every day for guidance. And I pray for your parents and brother and sister. I don't know how they get through it.

We're just friggin' in-laws. If murderers only knew the pain they cause. If they only respected life. If they only knew how much you were loved and treasured. If they only knew what your babies are going to miss not having had the opportunity of knowing just how sweet and wonderful you were. Ugh! I'm going to go crazy!!!

You are so very missed by so very many people. I'm so sorry if I never told you how very much you meant and still do mean to me.

Yes. We're trying to move on. Nathan's doing well and doing his best. We're moving on. But it's damn difficult. It's as if we know we need to, but the pain just won't go away.

Love you, sweetheart..........