Friday, January 15, 2010

Sunday marks 2 years

This Sunday will mark the second anniversary of Denise's death. My mind has been on her quite a bit recently. Between the holidays, Noah turning 4 (gosh I still think of him as 2), the trial, end of year newspaper stories etc... It's tough not having Denise on my mind.

I keep visualizing her coming through the door into the kitchen at our old house carrying Adam in his carseat. The carseat was huge, Adam weighed a ton, and Denise was so petite. Every time I think of her she's smiling.

"Every time I think of her she's smiling"...... hmmm... that's not totally true. In the beginning I could not get what happened to her out of my mind. It was hard thinking of her without visualising in some way the pain and terror of how she suffered. She was a beautiful, sweet young woman. If there were any flaws about her, I certainly never saw them.

But, it's true that now when I think of Denise the evil part (michael King's evil) does not always intrude.

The world lost a very wonderful person when it lost Denise. She was innocent, she was kind, she was sweet, loving, giving and truly selfless. The boys and Nathan always came first with her. Gosh, how she loved Nathan. She worshiped the ground he walked on. And how Nathan loved her and still loves her. He says he'll never stop loving her. It is all so very humbling.

The boys are doing well. We do not see them as much as we were and I miss them desperately. Adam has become a 2 year old hellion. He's so damn cute and he has Denise's smile. He's a stinker! And he knows it... he also knows how damn cute he is! Noah on the other hand is a tad bit more serious and very practical about just about everything. Both are precious... Oh, Denise... I'm crying not having you here. I know you are with us. I believe that or at least I do my best to believe that. We are doing our part to keep your spirit alive. I miss you so much.

It's unbelievable that people question our grieving. They have absolutely no clue.

Sunday we will be going to church as a family.

We are still working on the 9-1-1 front. We're doing our best behind the scenes to see that legislation in Florida passed. We are speaking at different county delegations trying to encourage the legislators to make 9-1-1 reform a priority. The response has been very good. Mark usually has me speak when Nathan cannot be there. I'm getting better at it. It is not so easy putting pain on display. My nerves are usually frazzled before I speak and afterward. But it is something I want to do.

Denise should be alive today. There is no doubt in my mind about that. She'd be damaged, sure. But she'd be home with people loving her.

As to Michael King? His picture was in the paper the other day. (His appeals have started.) He looks like Uncle Fester in the Addams Family only evil. But no matter. Even if they were to hang him tomorrow it would not bring Denise back.

Miss you, Denise. I wish we could hug. I wish I could caress your face just one more time. You were beautiful inside and out. Oh sweetie.