Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Never say never but........

I don't know. My heart is just breaking. I'm really going to have to re-think coming on these trips. My emotions are in tatters. Such a roller coaster.

It's been a battle trying to stay sane. And, no, it's not anybody's fault. It's just a friggin roller coaster.

Lots has happened today. Some heartwarming, other stuff not so heartwarming.

Nathan gave his speech and he did very well. Sadly, most of the people left before he got to speak. I can't express my disappointment. It just runs too deep. No ones fault. It just is what it is.

Everybody has been extremely supportive. But, why do I still feel so heartbroken?

I don't know. We know no matter how many times we tell the story it won't bring Denise back. We know that. If dispatchers and call takers can learn from this then I guess the cause is worth while.

I'm just not sure if I'm necessary on these trips. Of course, I'd do anything for Nathan and Denise. Anything.

But I gotta tell you, it hurts. I don't know how he does it.

Today we met Matthew Cantrell's parents and their new son. Gosh, that was heartbreaking too. Another family devastated. It's just sad. What a beautiful couple. Ave described the pain perfectly. She said "24/7".

I'm so sick of people telling us in not so many words "you have to get over it". "Recognize you have a problem and fix it".

Well, it's not so easy.

Miss you, Denise. I'll alw ays miss you. We're trying, sweetheart. I hope you're looking down and you're proud of Nathan. He has a very tough road.