Wednesday, December 31, 2008

A cave

That's where I want to go. I want to go into a cave and hibernate until this year is finally over.

In yesterday's paper they had a very touching article about Denise. I thought it went light on the Charlotte County's Sheriff's office because it failed to mention our feelings about a cover-up. I would love for just one newspaper or TV reporter to ask Bill Cameron who was Communications Chief that night "why didn't you and your department make the North Port Police Department aware of Ms Kowalski's call?" The CCSO knew the call referred to Denise. The CCSO knew Ms Kowalski was the last person to see Denise alive. And the CCSO knew of the grave importance of the call. If the CCSO didn't, we're really in trouble. If they were confused and just assumed someone did call teh NPPD, why didn't the Communication's Chief (Bill Cameron) make sure and follow up? Not letting the NPPD know about Ms Kowalski's call was either an attempt at a cover-up or gross negligence. All just my opinion, of course. Sadly, the soon to be Sheriff Cameron just won't answer the question. I wonder why not?

All in all, I believe Jason Witz did an excellent job on the article. It spelled out Nathan's goals and that's what is important.

See link below:

I was going to blog about it today in depth but have since changed my mind.

This is why:

Also in yesterday's paper was a story about a man being killed in a wreck on I-75. I read it but it didn't move me. It was just another story about someone dying in a car wreck.

Then there is this in today's paper:

Now I didn't really know this young man. I've only met him a couple of times. Knowing him or not what a very VERY sad and TRAGIC story. He was the golf pro that helped with the first Denise Amber Lee golf tournament. Nathan and Mark knew him better than I did. Mark worked with him several times a week for several weeks. The paper is correct in saying what a nice, kind, giving man he was.

I can't imagine what his wife and family are going through. I'm just stunned that God could be so cruel.

People tell me it's not God that did this. It's not God's fault. That it's our free will in action. Huh? I just don't get it. Where's the free will? The young man had obviously been up all night with the delivery of a new baby. He was on the way home from the hospital! The driver of the truck that hit him didn't intentionally hit him and wasn't charged with any crime. I just don't get it.

I wonder sometimes if there really is a God. And if there is what kind of drugs is he doing. Because it seems to me that he's on some really bad trip.

I used to laugh and say God has one wicked sense of humor at times. Well, I'm no longer laughing.

When Denise first died, I was truly fighting to save my faith. I felt that if Michael King's evil infiltrated and destroyed my faith then evil would win out. And I refused to give in.

But this story about a young man, who was a "born again Christian", who just had his first baby, who was so generous and kind and his untimely death is pushing me over the edge. I just don't know if I want to believe in such a God.

I believe I can live a life by following Christ's actions. I'll still be kind, loving, generous, truthful etc.... I'll still do my best to follow in Christ's path. I'll have to work on the turning the other cheek part. And I'll have to struggle through the forgiveness part. But I can do all those things. And therefore evil will not win out totally.

Through all the tragedies that have happened this past year, I have learned of so much goodness in this world. There are so many good people. More good people than there are bad. And I'll try to be one with them the best I can. I'll try not to become bitter. I'll try not to be a shrew.

But as far as God goes... I honestly think I'm done with him. I don't think there is one. I believe there was a Christ. But I don't believe he was God. I believe the people made him to be a God.

I believe there is a Heaven and Hell. And that Heaven is a place where the people who have followed you here on earth continue to love you as they loved you when you were alive. In other words, if you were loved, revered and honored, you will continue through eternity to be loved, revered and honored. And that if you were evil, despicable, and hated here on earth that you will continue through eternity to be despised.

Denise will always and forever be loved as she was loved on earth through eternity. She's in Heaven and she's an angel. Mother Teresa will be revered through eternity. She too is an angel. People like Hitler will be hated through eternity. Denise's and Mother Teresa's Heavens (just examples) will be knowing that others will follow who will look back on the lives they led and those people will try to live as they did. Lives of love and selflessness.

At least, that's what I'm thinking. These thoughts are not new to me. I've often throughout the past 30 years thought these thoughts. I just think this past year has confirmed them.

Aside to the Pearson family if you ever read this: May life bless you and see you through these dark days knowing how much Drew was loved. He's definitely in Heaven, in my opinion.